#26 Never letting go
It’s hard to believe it’s really me here in this hotel room, wearing sexy lingerie, telling a man I love him. I’m not that girl. I only wear sweatpants and other comfy clothes, and the occasional slutty dress for a date, but never red lacy lingerie with the sole purpose of seducing someone. And telling someone I love them… that’s even more rare for me. In fact… I’ve only told one other guy I love him, back when I was 21, and that didn’t end well. Not at all.
“I love you too,” Chris says, kissing me hard. “So much, Abby.”
I know he means it, and that he’s not just saying it to get into my pants. He’s really truly in love with me. That scares the living hell out of me, but I also know it’s the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. This wonderful, mature, serious, kind man loves me and he truly knows who I am and what he’s getting himself into. Sure, there are things we still have to discover about each other, conversations to be had, obstacles to overcome, but I’m not as worried about that as I expected to be.
“I’m so sorry about last night,” he says, still kissing me between sentences, not wanting to let go of me. “I never should have sprung that on you.” Another kiss. “Never should have taken you to bed with me.” Long, lingering kiss. “I’m so sorry.”
“Chris,” I reply with a little smile. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just… I freaked out. It happens. Sorry I scared you.”
“I thought you moved out without even telling me,” he says, tears in his eyes. “I made you cry. I’m so sorry, Abby. I didn’t mean to-”
“I love you,” I cut in, not wanting us to keep apologizing when we both didn’t do anything wrong. I got scared and he got ahead of himself. Neither of those things are strange, considering all the circumstances. And here we are, smiling at each other, about to finally have a night without interruptions.
“I love you too.” He takes a step back, his eyes roaming my body. I know I’m a little overweight, and my rolls are on show right now, but his gaze makes me feel beautiful nonetheless. He always makes me feel like the most amazing woman on the planet.
“Dinner or sex first?” I ask, feeling braver than ever with him looking at me like this.
“Sex,” he says, his cheeks flushing in that adorable way. He’s 45, yet he blushes like an awkward teenager. It’s one of the many things I love about him.
We attack each other, his clothes come off quickly, buttons popping as I tear at his shirt. He doesn’t even seem to care. He picks me up when he’s down to his boxershorts, carrying me to the bed with my legs wrapped around his waist. He lowers me onto the bed slowly and carefully, looking down at me like he can’t believe I’m really here.
“So beautiful,” he murmurs, slowly lowering himself onto the bed as well, kissing my neck.
I fell way more nervous than I did last night, probably because I had all day to obsess about it. Last night I didn’t think, I just did. Now, all I seem to be able to do is think.
“Hey,” he says softly, rolling off me so he can pull me against him from the side, stroking my hair. “I’m okay to wait if you’re not ready. You know that, right?”
“I don’t want to wait,” I assure him, kissing him softly. “I just… I’m nervous. It’s been a while.”
“How long is a while?” he asks, propping himself up on his elbow to look at me, playing with my hair.
“Erm… more than a year.” I feel my cheeks flush as I admit that. “I’ve only been with five guys, not counting the assholes I used to work for.”
Chris smiles, looking almost amused. “It’s been two years for me. Last night was the first time in two years I even kissed someone. I’ve been with nine women, including you.”
“Oh,” I breathe. I’m not used to guys not sleeping around and having lots of sex. Chris is already 45 and he’s been divorced since he was 30, so I expected him to have been with more women that nine, but I guess I was stupid to think that. He doesn’t care about having lots of sex. He just wants someone to love, to be with him every step of the way, to share his dreams. He doesn’t sleep around. “You’re my number six.”
“Six and nine,” he says with a small smile. “Isn’t that a sex position?”
I laugh and give him a playful shove. “That’s sixty-nine.”
He lies down and pulls me against him so my head is on his chest, rubbing my back in slow circular motions. “I was so scared I lost you,” he says, his voice strained now. “I can’t lose you, Abby. I don’t know how to do any of this without you.”
“You would be just fine without me,” I say, knowing I’m right. He’s basically superman. “Lucky for you, don’t have to do this on your own, though. If you’re in, I’m in.”
“Then I’m in too.”
We kiss again, and my nerves melt away, my body sinking into his as he moves his hands over my body, caressing my bare skin as he pulls up my lacy dress, pulling it over my head. Just like last night, he swirls his tongue around my nipple, making me squirm. He takes his time, pinching and licking my nipples until I feel like I might come without him even taking off my panties or getting anywhere near my clit.
“You’re so beautiful, Abby,” he whispers against my skin, sending a shiver up my spine.
I move my hands down his chest, rubbing his hard length through his boxershorts, tugging at them to get them off. He complies, kicking them off, groaning when I wrap my hand around his cock and slowly move up and down.
“No no no,” he breathes, grabbing my wrist when I pick up the pace. “It’s your turn first, baby.”
It’s the first time he’s calling me anything but Abby, and I like it more than I thought I would.
“Chris?” I ask while he kisses his way down my body. “Are you…”
“Am I what?” he asks before tugging at my panties with his teeth, grunting in approval.
“I mean… are we…?”
He pushes himself up a little so he can meet my gaze. “What do you want, Abby?” he asks, genuinely longing to know.
“To be your girlfriend,” I confess, my cheeks flushing.
“Yes!” he says immediately, his blue eyes sparkling with joy. “Definitely. I’d love that.”
Chris is so utterly uncomplicated and I love that. He doesn’t play things cool, and he’s so honest and awkward sometimes. I love it. I love him.
“I feel a little old to be a boyfriend,” he admits, laughing softly. “But I’d love to be yours.”
“You’re not old,” I say, moaning when he pinches my nipples while pulling at my panties with his teeth again. There is something so inexplicably sexy about him doing that. “You’re hot.”
He grunts in response and pulls my panties down slowly, making a low guttural sound when he’s got me completely naked underneath him. He kisses my stomach, his fingers moving over my soft rolls, and then he pulls my legs apart, kissing down there ever so slowly, making me go crazy with need before he even gets close to my dripping wet center. He licks my slit so slowly that I writhe beneath him, wanting more. He presses a kiss to my clit, and then he pulls back, his hot breath tingling against my wet skin.
“Chris,” I pant.
“Yeah?” he replies, kissing my thighs teasingly.
“You’re so mean,” I whine, grabbing his hair to steer him back to my core, bucking up my hips.
“Patience,” Chris murmurs, licking me once before pulling back. “We’ve got all night.”
“Ah!” I exclaim when he dives in without warning, flicking his tongue over me rapidly while pulling my lips apart with his fingers. I’m already so on edge that I feel like I might just come right now, but he stops before I can, kissing his way back up and nipping at my nipples. I pull him up by his hair so I can kiss him, and he lowers his body onto mine, grinding against me while he grunts into our kiss.
I’m just about to wrap my legs around him and urge him to take me when he starts kissing his way back down, slowly and torturously, having me writhing before he gets anywhere near my clit. Damn, he’s good. I find it hard to believe he’s only been with eight other women before me. He’s driving me absolutely insane, unable to think of anything but how much I want him inside of me.
“Hmm,” he murmurs against the skin on the inside of my thigh, sucking on the skin for a moment. Then he finally makes his way between my legs, sucking my clit into his mouth. A finger slides inside of me, slowly moving in and out while his tongue keeps working on me in the same rhythm.
“Chris!” I exclaim, arching my back, ready to come. Right before I do, he pulls back, his finger freezing inside of me while he looks up into my eyes with a small smirk on his face. Fuck me, he’s so goddamn sexy when he’s looking at me like that. I never expected Chris to be this… Hell, I don’t even know what to call him right now. He’s just… perfect.
When my breathing has slowed down, he dives back in, nipping, licking and sucking until I can’t take it anymore. I come with a high-pitched shriek, tugging at his hair to force him harder against me, moaning when he keeps licking even as I’m coming. He doesn’t give me time to truly come down from my orgasm, making new waves build up within me before the last ones truly died down. I’m not even sure where one orgasm ends and another begins, everything merging into one extremely long peak, making me scream so loudly I’m sure people in the hotel rooms adjacent to ours must be able to hear us. At this point, I don’t even care.
Finally, when there are tears streaming down my face form the intensity of it all, Chris kisses his way back up, pausing to nip at my nipples before snuggling up to me from the side. He nuzzles my neck and sucks at the soft spot near my ear, making me moan again.
“Fucking hell,” I breathe, my body still spasms and my pussy throbbing. “That… Jesus fucking Christ, that was…”
He kisses me tenderly, taking my breath away. “I love you.”
“Hmm,” I agree, rolling to my side and pressing myself against him. “Me too.”
We lie like that for a long time, and he doesn’t try to push into me or anything, not getting impatient. He just holds me, kisses every part of my skin he can reach, and keeps telling me over and over again how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, how much he has been dreaming about this from the moment he met me. I’ve never been with someone so patient and so tuned into me.
“Chris,” I say softly when I finally feel like I’m not made of bubblegum.
“Yeah?” he asks, kissing me again.
“I need you,” I tell him, running my fingers through his hair before moving one hand to his tight ass, squeezing hard. His grunt is the best reward ever, and I smile to myself, enjoying every single part of this night.
“Need me to do what?” he asks, rolling on top of me and nipping at my earlobe, making me squeal.
“Fuck me,” I plead, wrapping my legs around him. I don’t even feel self-conscious anymore. It’s obvious he wants this just as much as I do. It’s impossible not to feel like the sexiest woman on earth with Christopher worshipping every single part of me.
Finally, he shifts so he’s lined up with my entrance, and he pushes in slowly, taking his time so we can both get used to how it feels to become one. Normally, I tense up when someone tries to enter me, it hurts, and I have to take deep breath to get through the surge of panic that comes with intercourse for me, but with Chris there’s none of that. I moan at the feel of him and urge him in deeper, feeling like I will never get enough of this.
Being with Christopher is new, but it also feels like coming home in a way no one ever has before.
I know I told one guy before him that I loved him, but I don’t think I truly did. This is what love should feel like. Chris is definitely the one for me.
I’m never letting go of this man.