#43 Don’t whip out your dick in a bar
My arms are wrapped around Abby’s soft, warm body when I wake up. We’re spooning, and I kiss the back of her neck, sweeping her hair to the side. My cock twitches, coming alive against her ass, and I want nothing more than to wake her up and have my way with her before we have to get up and get the boys to school.
“Hmm,” she murmurs lazily when I kiss her neck again. She slowly wakes up and wiggles her ass against my cock, and we both groan, wanting more than this.
“Morning,” I whisper into her ear.
“Good morning,” she replies, turning around in my arms so she can kiss me. “I love waking up like this. I love you.”
Those words awaken something inside of me, and it’s not something good. I get a flashback to reading the note she left in her old room, telling me she loves me, but that she’s leaving anyway. My arousal dies down immediately and I shove away from her, regretting that I let myself get carried away when I’m still angry at her. We fell sleep both on the edge of our side of the bed, not touching, but I guess there’s no keeping us from each other once we’re asleep.
“Chris,” she says in a soft, vulnerable tone that makes me want to pull her back against me, but I don’t. She hurt me yesterday. Worse than that, she hurt Jagger, who was doing so much better lately. Getting back her negative test results was supposed to be cause for a celebration. Instead, we’re having our first fight.
“I’m going to take prepare the lunch boxes,” I announce, getting out of bed before I can give into my desire to touch her. I’m angry and I know I’ve got every right to be.
Jagger is already in the kitchen when I walk down in my sweatpants. He looks like he barely slept and he’s sitting at the kitchen island in his boxershorts, sipping a cup of coffee. I pour myself a cup as well, getting the ingredients for lunch out of the fridge and slicing up fruit.
“Is that bitch still asleep?” he grumbles.
“She’ll be up soon,” I reply, too tired to tell him off for calling Abby names. Besides, I kind of agree with him. I still love her, but she was a bitch this week for sure. How dare she even so much as contemplate leaving us? Without saying goodbye?
“When are you kicking her out?” Jagger asks, getting up to make sandwiches, helping me get everyone’s lunches ready.
“I don’t know,” I grumble, gulping down more coffee. “I know this is hard for you, Jagger, but Abby and I… we’re working on things. I don’t want Yoah and Davy to pick up on the tension, so we’re going to pretend everything is okay for their sake.”
“And then what?” he asks, slamming down the butter knife on the counter. “How long are you going to pretend?”
“Until things are normal again,” I say, but it sounds like a question instead of a statement. “Or… or until I decide things won’t ever be normal again.”
Jagger grumbles a curse and makes his way upstairs to wake up his brothers. Abby joins me in the kitchen a few minutes later, already dressed, her hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. She looks adorable, and I hate that I still want to kiss and hold her, even though I’m pissed.
I leave for work earlier than I need to, giving Abby a quick peck on the lips so the boys won’t notice we’re fighting. Yoah and Davy hug me goodbye, and Jagger flips me off, not even looking at me. He wants me to kick Abby out of the house this very second, but I don’t know what I want yet. I love her. Those feelings don’t just go away. I’m happy she won’t get Alzheimer’s, and I can still feel the excitement from yesterday afternoon in my veins, reminding me that if we work things out, we can actually have a future together, including marriage and kids. That is… if I still want that. I need to be able to trust her, but right now, I don’t think I can.
Things stay strained for the remainder of the week. I try to take the kids out to dinner at friends’ places pretty much every night I’m home in time for dinner, so I won’t have to play house with Abby. She stays home every single time, making up excuses about doing laundry or waiting for a package that will be delivered that night. Davy and Yoah buy it – they have no reason not to – and Jagger scoffs, but doesn’t say anything. He’s respecting my decision to take some time, luckily.
By the end of the week, I need a break. I miss Abby so much it hurts. She’s still sleeping right next to me every night, she kisses me goodbye when I leave for work, and she takes great care of the kids, but it doesn’t feel like we’re truly living together. She’s walking on eggshells around me and Jagger, and I go out of my way to avoid her. Part of me is surprised she’s still here, to be honest. She was ready to bolt before, after all. Who’s to say she won’t be gone when I get back from work one day, leaving behind nothing but a stupid note?
“Go out,” Abby tells me when I sink down onto the couch with a glass of water, careful to keep enough space between us so I won’t have to touch her. “The kids are playing upstairs, I will get them to bed later. Jagger is out with Celeste, but he promised to be home before midnight. There’s no need for you to spend yet another night sulking around here, avoiding me. Go out, have a beer with the guys or something.”
Normally, I’d rather spend Saturday night on the couch with her, but tonight it actually sounds pretty good to get out and talk to some friends. I pull out my phone and start a group chat with Aston, Joshua, and Edward.
Need to get out, I send. Who’s up for a beer?
Edward replies right away. God yes, but I don’t have a babysitter for Freddie.
Franny is out and I don’t have a sitter for Zachary either, Joshua replies with a sad-faced emoticon.
Aston is the only one who is okay to come out, although he does warn us he’s so tired that he might fall asleep at the bar.
“If any of the guys need a babysitter, they can drop their kids off here,” Abby offers when she sees me frowning at my phone. “We’ll have a sleepover.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I reply automatically.
“Chris, I know you hate me right now, and I’m not sure if you still think of me as your girlfriend, but I still love you. And if that doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, I still am the nanny, at the very least. Watching kids is what I do. What you pay me for. What I love to do.” She reaches out to take my hand in hers, and I let her. “I’ve already apologized a thousand times, and I get that you’re not ready to forgive me. What I did was awful. You obviously need some space, so go out, have a beer, bitch about me to the guys. Let me take care of the kids, okay? It’s no big deal.”
I squeeze her hand, not ready to let go. No matter how fucked up things are between us, I always feel better when she’s near. “Okay, thanks.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, pulling a grey flannel on over it, leaving it open. The kids hug me goodbye before heading upstairs to get back to whatever game they were playing. I shoot Jagger a text so he won’t be blindsides when he only finds Abby up waiting for him when he gets home. He sends back a picture of his middle finger flipping me off, and I roll my eyes, tucking my phone into my pants.
The bell rings, and I grin at Edward and Freddie, happy that Abby suggested us going out. I don’t do this often, and God do I need this tonight.
“You’re a life-saver,” Edward tells Abby, hugging her before pulling back and clapping me on the back. “You’ve got a good woman here, man.”
Abby’s cheeks flush. “I don’t think Chris agrees with you on that,” she mumbles, pulling Freddie with her as she heads upstairs to play with the kids, who are all in Davy’s room.
“What was that about?” Edward asks, but he’s interrupted by Joshua arriving with his baby boy, and I take the kid from him, heading upstairs to hand him to Abby.
When I walk into Davy’s bedroom, I pause in the doorway, unable to keep a smile off my face. Abby is lying on the floor with Davy and Freddie holding her down.
“No, don’t arrest me!” she wails loudly. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“We saw you stealing that bracelet,” Freddie says in a serious voice as he sits on her chest.
Davy is holding her legs to the floor with a huge grin on his face. “Yeah, you filthy thief!”
“I was only trying it on, not stealing it!” Abby insists, breaking into fake sobs that have the boys in fits of giggles. “I want to speak to your boss!”
Yoah steps in, wearing a police cap and holding up a pair of plastic handcuffs. “I’m the boss. What seems to be the problem?”
I stay right where I am while they continue their roleplaying, without any of them realizing I’m only a few feet away, holding Zachary. I want nothing more than my life to be like this forever, and for the baby in my arms not to be Joshua’s but my own. The baby me and Abby can have now that she’s been declared healthy. I still want that, no matter how hurt I am by her almost leaving us.
“Zachary!” Yoah exclaims when he spots me. “Oh, Chris, can I hold him?”
I hand the baby to Yoah, who loves little kids. He is beyond careful with the baby, and I love seeing him fawning over the little thing, his green eyes big and full of wonder. Davy and Freddie start chasing each other through the room, and Abby gets up, brushing off her clothes. I love seeing her like this – all messy from playing with the kids, her cheeks flushed, and a huge smile on her face that makes her look like the most gorgeous woman on the planet.
Fuck this. I may still be angry at her, but I want her more than I hate her.
“Oh,” she breathes when I pull her against me, kissing her hard. Her hands knot in my hair, and I bite her lower lip softly, causing her to gasp.
“Ew, old people kissing,” Davy says, sounding disgusted. “You’re so lucky to only have a dad,” he tells Freddie when Abby and I break apart. “You don’t have to watch your mom and dad kiss all the time.”
“Did he just call me his dad?” I whisper to Abby, unable to believe my own two ears. “And you his mom?”
“He sure did,” she replies, beaming up at me.
“Chris!” Edward calls from the hallway, his voice loud enough to hear him upstairs. “Are you coming or what?”
“Yeah!” I shout back, kissing Abby one last time.
“Have fun,” she tells me, winking at me. She looks like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and I feel the same way. We’ve got a lot of shit to figure out, and I’m not done being pissed at her, but I want to work things out with her. We may not be married or anything, but we have kids together. Kids she was ready to walk away from, but maybe I should put a pin in that for now. She thought she was doing all of us a favor, even though that was an idiotic thing to think.
I don’t want to lose what I had with Abby before everything went to hell. We can get back to that, I’m sure of it. Davy just called us Mom and Dad. Not directly to our faces, but still. If that doesn’t show her that she’d be making a huge mistake leaving us, I don’t know what will.
Edward, Joshua and I finally head out, meeting up with Aston, Jaxon and Dshawn at a bar nearby. I don’t know Dshawn all that well, but he’s Aston half-brother, so I’ve met him before. He’s a nice guy, and we all get along great. This was good idea. I feel lighter tonight then I have all week, and I even get a light buzz going from all the beers. Only Aston stops at two beers, but the rest of us sure don’t. Joshua is even a little drunk. Then again, the guy is a lightweight like me, so it doesn’t take much.
“What’s up with you and Abby?” Edward ask me, sipping his beer with a frown. “She said something about you not being happy with her?”
“Yeah, we’re in a fight,” I confess, finally slipping the beans. “We’ve barely talked to each other all week and basically just keep up appearances for the kids.”
“Oh shit,” Aston mutters. “I thought you said the outcome of the test was good? I figured the two of you would be over the moon.”
I fill the other guys in on the situation with Abby’s mother and the genetic test, feeling confident that Abby is okay with me talking to my friends about this. I’m pretty sure this is what she was hoping would happen so I can blow off some steam.
“After we found out she’s in the clear, she wanted to go for a walk on her own, so I went home. Jagger was there, and he’d hacked into her e-mail and discovered she got a new job with another family, and that her bags were already packed. She was convinced that the test would come back positive and she was prepared to walk out on me without saying goodbye.” I finish off my beer and grab another one, not caring who it belongs to. “She left a note saying that she loves me and the boys, but that she can’t stand the thought of us slowly losing her to that horrid disease and that she wants to give us a clean break or something. So… yeah.”
“Wow,” Dshawn breathes. “She must love you very much to sacrifice her own happiness like that.”
“Fuck that,” Aston grumbles, not agreeing with his brother. “She’s a selfish bitch for walking out.”
“Abby isn’t selfish,” Jaxon defends his friend.
“Did you know?” I ask him. I’ve been wondering about that all night. Abby confided in Brittany, after all, who is married to Jaxon.
“Yeah,” he admits, giving me a wry smile. “Sorry, man, but I’ve known Abby since she college. She’s my wife’s best friend.”
“Don’t worry, I get your loyalties lie with her,” I assure him. “I just… I’m wondering what you think about all of this, I guess.”
“I love Abby,” he starts, taking a sip of beer so he has a moment to gather his thoughts. “She’s like a sister to me. I know for a fact that she truly thought that she had the gene and that she wanted to spare you and the kids the heartbreak she had to go through at a young age. She wasn’t being selfish. She made the decision out of love. It was a fucking stupid decision and I doubt she’d have been able to go through with it even if the test had come back positive, but she meant well. She loves you. She’s been calling Britty every single day the past week, crying.”
“Abby has been crying?” I ask, my heart sinking. She seemed alright this week. Down, guilty, and contrite, but not broken.
“She may act all strong and cold, but that’s just a façade,” Jaxon says. “I’m sure you know by now that behind that tough exterior and snark, she’s a sweet girl with a big heart, scared as hell that life will beat her down the way it has been doing since the day she was born.”
“Come on,” Edward says, sounding annoyed. “I get it, she’s a great girl and all, and it sucks that her mother has Alzheimer’s, but that doesn’t excuse her planning on leaving without saying goodbye. Especially since she knows what the kids have been through. Leaving doesn’t just mean dumping Chris, it means hurting those three kids as well. If someone did that to Freddie or my previous two foster kids… I’d be ready to murder them.”
“Which is exactly why I’m mad at her,” I grumble, gulping down more beer.
“What happened to her besides the thing with her mother?” Joshua asks, his voice a little wobbly from all the beers he’s had already. “Sounds like there’s more.”
“Her dad was an abusive prick who got stabbed in jail.” Jaxon answers, looking angry. “She was… 12, I think? 13, maybe? And then she had to take care of her mother all through high school, barely managing to graduate. She had to drop out of college so she could get a job to pay for her mother’s care. Most of her employers took advantage of her.” Jaxon cracks his knuckles. “I swear if I ever come across one of those bastards, I will mess them up.”
Aston laughs and smacks his brother on the back. “Sure, scrawny little Jax. You’ve got as much of a shot of beating up someone as Joshua does.”
“Did you know about all of that?” Aston asks me, looking surprised to hear how messed-up Abby’s life has been up until now. When I nod, he shakes his head and gives a hard look. “Dude, cut the girl some slack. With a past like that, it’s a miracle she turned the strong sassy woman she is today. She made a mistake, but you obviously still love her.”
“Of course I do,” I agree right away.
“Then do yourself a favor and forgive her,” Edward tells me, squeezing my shoulder.
“And don’t forget the make-up sex,” Aston adds, grinning. “I sometimes pick a fight with Anna just for the hot sex afterwards. Fuck, I miss sex.” He sighs and rubs his face with a grunt. “Why does it take so fucking long for a woman to get back to her old self after having a baby? I miss her tight wet pussy. I’d give anything to be able to go home and screw her instead of hearing her bitch about her stretch marks and watch her use her breast pump.”
“Gross,” Dshawn comments dryly. “Too much information, man.”
“You’re lucky,” Aston tells him with a frown. “You’ve got a wild woman in your bed every night, and no kids around.”
“Yeah, Shaughna and I have it good,” Dshawn agrees, holding up his beer. “To having no kids to block my cock.”
“I wish I had a kid,” Jaxon sighs, looking down at the table. “I’m starting to feel like Britty might never be ready to start a family.”
“You’re only 28,” Dshawn says. “You’ve got time. Look at Christopher. He’s old and he’s only starting a family now.”
“Thanks,” I reply dryly, but I’m not offended. “I get where Jaxon is coming from, though. I’m happy now, but I’d have loved to have kids back when I was in my late twenties. I was married back then, just like Jaxon.”
“Why didn’t you have kids with your ex?” Jaxon asks, eyeing me curiously.
“Gianna was infertile and decided she didn’t want to foster or adopt,” I explain. “It was pretty much the end of our marriage.”
“That sucks,” he says, looking sad. “I get it, though. If Brittany keeps telling me no… I mean, I know we’re young and I’m okay waiting for a while, but if it turns out my gut feeling is right, and she changed her mind about having kids … I don’t think I can stay with her, no matter how much I love her.”
“You can’t leave Britt!” Aston exclaims, looking shocked. “She’s amazing, Jax. You’re a fucking dipshit. Go home, talk you your woman, make her tell you what the fuck is going on with her not wanting to start a family. Maybe you’re wrong, maybe she just needs a little while longer to be ready. Having kids is huge. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to have a kid when I accidently knocked up Anna.”
“Yeah, but you and her made things work and now you’re happier than ever, married with two kids,” Jaxon grumbled. “I’d kill to have your life right now.”
“You’re just saying that because my dick is bigger than yours,” Aston jokes, nudging his brother. Leave it to him to lighten the mood. “In fact, I’ve got the biggest dick out of all of you.”
“You don’t know that,” Dshawn replies, rolling his eyes.
“Oh no?” Aston points at Jaxon. “He’s my brother, and I’ve seen him naked plenty of times.” He points at Dshawn next. “You saw my dick, man, so you know. Plus, your girlfriend was there too and she gawked at me like she’d never seen a cock that huge, and she even asked me if it hurts girls to be fucked by me, so I know for a fact yours is smaller than mine.” Joshua is next. “I used to screw your girl long before you even met her, and she told me recently that she doesn’t think size matters anymore, which can only mean one thing… I’m bigger than you.”
“Oh, I’m sure you are,” Joshua agrees, not sounding bothered at all. “I’ve seen you in swimming trunks, man. You’re huge. My wife seems perfectly happy with my average-sized penis, so I don’t give a shit.” He grins and holds up his beer bottle. “You don’t need a big dick to be a sex god.”
“Amen,” Dshawn agrees, clinking his bottle against Joshua’s. “According to Shaughna, I’m a muscular biker sex god and the best oral sex she’s ever had. And she can know, because she’s been with a hundred guys before me.” He nudges Joshua. “Including you, so I guess I may not have the biggest dick out of all of us, but I’m the best at oral.”
“I doubt that,” Joshua replies, rolling his eyes.
“Back to me and my huge dick,” Aston continues, ignoring the others. “I know for a fact I’m bigger than Christopher, since my wife used to fuck him, and women talk. So that just leaves Edward.”
“I’m huge,” Edward says with a straight face. “Hung like horse.”
“Prove it,” Aston says, slamming his hand on the table.
“Please don’t whip out your dicks in a bar,” I plead, laughing my ass off. I don’t mind Aston’s comments about me being smaller than he is. It’s not like this is the first time he’s teasing me about it. Judging by the way Abby reacts when I make love to her, she’s got nothing to complain about.
We spend another hour talking and making jokes about sex, but then it’s time to get home. I tell the others to just leave the kids at our place and pick them up in the morning, not wanting to wake them up at this time of night.
It’s time for me to get back to my house full of kids.
It’s time for me to get back to Abby.