Caring Christopher

All Rights Reserved ©

#8 Dreams will never be reality

Abigail

I take a sip of the cocktail Jaxon just made for me, and it tastes pretty damn good, so I give him a thumbs-up. He winks at me from the kitchen and pours one for Brittany as well, walking over to us so he can hand it to her before sitting down across from us with his beer. He may be good at mixing cocktails, but he doesn’t drink them himself.

“So…” Brittany asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “How was your first week with Chris?”

I roll my eyes and gulp down half my drink. “He hired me to take care of Yoah, and I’ve been doing alright so far. He seems like an okay guy, so I guess I’ll be sticking around for a while.”

“Yes!” Brittany cheers and hugs me from the side, almost spilling her drink down my shirt. She’s a lightweight and since this is her second drink and Jaxon makes the cocktails pretty damn strong, she will be drink before the night is over. “I’m so happy you live so close now. It’s so much fun being able to hang out again.”

So much fun,” Jaxon agrees in a sarcastic tone. “I can never get enough of Abby parking her ass on our couch.”

“You could go out with friends,” I quip, giving him the stink-eye. “Oh, right, you don’t have any besides your wife. I forgot.”

He laughs, not bothered by my cheap shot at him. He does have friends, but they’re all single and like to party hard, which he doesn’t do since getting married to Brittany. He told me a while ago that he doesn’t feel comfortable watching them hook up and get drunk when all he’s thinking about his wife being alone at home, waiting up for him. Not that Britty minds, but Jax prefers a night with his wife over getting shit-faced. I think it’s cute, but I do feel for the guy. He’s totally settled down with her and I know he had expected Brittany to be pregnant by now, but she doesn’t want kids yet, no matter how much she loves him. They’ve been working through that together and they agree to start trying in a year or two, but I know that Jaxon is still hoping she will change her mind and get off the pill in a few months.

I wish I had problems like that. Instead, I’m single, and I don’t think I will ever have kids of my own, even if I manage to find someone who loves me with all my weirdness and my fuck-up past that has left some scars for sure, even though I like to pretend I’m not messed up by my youth. When I was younger, there was nothing I wanted more than to settle down, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mother. I know that’s not something many girls dream about, but it’s what I would want to be if life was perfect.

The older I get, the more I realize that I’m never going to find a guy, and that I need to work to pay for my mother’s medicines. Being a nanny is the closest I will ever get to having kids, and the job I’ve got right now is pretty sweet, so I should be happy instead of focusing of what I can’t have. Even if I find my prince charming one day, I still won’t be able to have kids with him, because I can’t do that to a kid. I can’t risk it. I just can’t.

“Why do you look so sad, Abby?” Brittany asks, putting a hand on my leg and squeezing.

I shrug. “Just thinking about… everything. The past. My mom. The future… I just… I don’t know.” I take a sip of my cocktail. “This is really good, Jax.”

“Don’t change the subject,” Jaxon tells me – he knows me too well, just like Britt. They’ve both seen me at my lowest, they know about my past, and they know when I’m trying to brush my feelings aside.

“When I start taking care of new kids, it always reminds me that I can never have more than this,” I say softly, looking down at the floor.

“You can have kids if you want to,” Brittany tells me, putting her drink down so she can hug me. “Maybe you should get that test. It could give you some peace of mind.”

I shake my head. I know what test she means, and I’m never going to take it. My mother having early-onset Alzheimer’s means that there is a chance it’s a genetic thing and that I have the gene too. If I have it, I will eventually forget all about the people I love, just like my mother, and need help showering, getting to the toilet, having nursing staff taking care of me all damn day… I can’t risk being an unfit mother like mine was. I won’t do that to my kids. Besides, if it’s genetic, I can pass it on to my own kids, and I don’t want anyone to go through what my mother had to endure. She’ll probably only live a few more years, and she’s not happy. She’s miserable, and she has no idea who I am. Or who she is.

“Why not?” Jaxon asks, leaning forward, his elbow on his knees. “At least that way you will know what your future holds. Maybe you’re worrying about nothing.”

“It’ll probably just tell me what I already know,” I grumble, rubbing my eyes. “That I’m fucked.” At least now I can still pretend I’m normal. When the test comes back positive, I have to face the truth. I will probably end up like Mom. “Besides, even if I’m not, we all know I’m not fit to be a mother. I’m too fucked up. Being a nanny is not the same as being a mother. I have a horrible track record with men, my own parents weren’t the best example, and I’m just… unstable. I don’t have money, can’t keep a job for longer than a few months, and I’ve never even had a place of my own. I’m 27 already, just like you guys, but my life is completely different from yours. I keep moving from house to house to nanny, crashing with you guys every single time life knocks me down. I can’t bring a kid into this shithole I call my life. I just can’t.”

“Abby…” Brittany pulls my messy hair out of my face and sighs deeply. “You’re amazing. Yoah and Davy are happy to have you in their lives, and so is Chris. You know we love you, and I think you will make an amazing mother one day. Maybe you could foster kids, just like Christopher.”

“Yeah, sure.” I grunt and finish my drink, starting to feel a little buzzed. There’s no way I could ever pay for kids, since I always get fired form my job, and I need all my money to take care of my money. If Christopher didn’t pay me so generously, I wouldn’t even be able to pay for the latest medication that her insurance isn’t covering anymore.

“Okay, change of subject,” Jaxon decides, picking up my glass to get me a refill. “I don’t want a crying girl on my couch again.”

“I never cry,” I tell him with a frown. “I may get down sometimes, but I don’t cry.”

“He’s referring to me,” Britty says, giggling. “I was watching The Titanic last night and I bawled my eyes out.”

“Oh, Britt, you know you shouldn’t watch that movie!” She always gets so emotional and it takes forever for her to calm down.

She shrugs. “I needed a good cry. All these emotions need to get out somehow. I’m not like you, Abby. I can’t keep it all bottled up inside.”

She’s right. I do that. I know I do, but it’s all I know. It’s kept me relatively sane for years now, and I don’t know another way to survive. It’s not like I don’t have emotions, but if I pause to truly feel all of them, I’m afraid I will never stop crying. There’s so much to cry about. I prefer to just stay numb and focus on my job.

“Anyway…” Jaxon gives me a knowing look. He’s like me, he doesn’t like to talk about feelings too much. He’s patient with Brittany’s crying fits, but he doesn’t get emotional himself. I’ve seen him cry a few times when his father was really sick, but he’s fine now after getting a kidney transplant, so Jaxon is back to being his stable, not-crying self. “How did this week go? Chris is a nice guy, right?”

“Yeah, I think he is. The jury is still out on him.”

“Abby!” Brittany shakes her head at me. “Just trust the man. He’s a sweetheart. One of the last decent men alive. I don’t get how he’s still single in his forties. He treats you good, right?”

I nod. “No complaints so far.” I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop after little over a week of working for Christopher, but I’m starting to believe Britt may be right. He truly seems like a nice guy. He loves his foster kids, he works hard, and he’s always polite and kind to me. He thanks me when I take care of household chores, even though he pays me to do them, and so far he hasn’t tried to kiss me or shown up in my room with his dick out, so that’s always a plus. I’m not going to ease up on him yet, because most guys wait at least a month or two to show their true colors. Chris might turn out to be completely asshole after all. You never know.

“Chris actually put a lock on my door,” I say, knowing Brittany wants details about my new job. “To make me feel safe. He called my previous employers and I guess those dickheads made some nasty comments, because he seems to get that I wasn’t treated all that great in the past, and he’s trying to make me feel safe in his home.” I’ve locked my door every single night, but I feel like it might be okay to stop doing that. The fact that he got me the lock pretty much tells me that he never had any intention of crawling into bed with me in the first place.

“That’s sweet.” Britt smiles. “At dinner with Aston and the others he asked about you. I think he wanted to know just how fuck-up your past is. You told him about your youth, didn’t you?”

I shake my head. “I never tell anyone about that.” Oh shit, please tell me she didn’t! “Britt, what did you tell him?”

“Nothing!” she assures me. “I swear!”

I look at Jaxon, who nods with a serious expression on his face. “She didn’t say anything other than that your life was rough. She didn’t give him any details. He seems worried about you, Abby. Protective, even.”

Part of me is happy to hear that, but it also makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t need anyone taking care of me. I’m not one of his foster kids. “Don’t tell him anything about me,” I warn both of my friends. “Never. It’s up to me and me alone who knows about my parents and all the other shit that went down, and I don’t want Christopher to pity me or think that I’m not fit to take care of his kids.”

“We’d never do that,” Jax assures me.

Brittany hugs me again, keeping me against her small frame for away longer than comfortable. “I love you, Abby. I just worry about you sometimes. You’re so hard on yourself. You take such great care of your mother, and you’re such a nice person. It’s not your fault your youth was hard.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I take a deep breath at start gulping down my third drink. “Let’s watch a movie or something.”

After a long discussion we settle on a cheerleader movie, and Jaxon sends Aston a picture of the three of us watching it. Apparently, Jaxon’s older brother has a thing for cheerleaders. Aston texts back right away, telling us he’s got his very own sexy cheerleader at home. He sends a picture of Anna passed out on the couch with Steffi in her arms, and we all sigh at how cute they look.

I wish I could have that one day.

Too bad my life is nothing like Aston’s and Annabel’s. It never will be.

It might take a few more years for me to be okay with that, but I will get there.

Continue Reading Next Chapter

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.