The wheels of the car come to a stop with a screech and I grip the steering as I try to compose myself.
“Get the fuck away from me you monster!”
She was afraid of me. She couldn’t stand seeing me. I drove her into a panic attack. Great fucking job Johnattan!
What the fuck did I do to deserve this? The woman I love fears me and possibly hates me. She called me a monster. A fucking monster! I don’t understand...
“Johnattan,” Lexi calls and I release the death grip I now have on my hair to look at her sympathetic eyes. “Stop worrying. Maybe she’s just frightened. This is the first time in three months she’s seeing you in person.”
Her hand rests on my shoulder and I exhale as I try to calm my nerves and racing heart. “I don’t get it. She called me a monster Lexi, she went into a panic attack. What did I do to her to deserve this?”
I was truly and utterly lost. All I did was try to fucking love Christi! Why would this happen? I couldn’t grasp it, I cared, I treated her like my queen and I never once judged her. I love her but that doesn’t seem to be enough. Something’s there just trying to break us apart... And I’ll be damned if I let it! Or am I powerless to stop it?
“Johnattan she has just been in an accident, she’s jumpy and on alert plus seeing you the man she left behind because of fear three months ago just adds to all the stress on her body. I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”
That’s a great excuse Lexi but I know there’s more to it.
I look over at her small crooked smile and sympathetic brown eyes and sigh. “I’m sure that’s it. Let’s hope the months towards her recovery prove different.”
I doubt she’ll change her approach to me but I had to be optimistic. She was just overwhelmed from all the recent events in her life. Yeah, that’s it.
“It will,” she smiles and I nod taking a deep breath as I run my hand through my hair.
“Let’s go,” I say opening the driver’s door and getting out before walking over to the passenger’s side and helping Lexi out of the car.
We stand before Christina’s apartment building staring at the tall, modern looking building. It has six floors, it’s made of concrete and painted with grey paint, there’s a pharmacy and supermarket beside it and it has two wooden glass panelled doors at the entrance.
We walk into the building, across the spacious lobby and towards the elevators. My eyes drift over to the residency list on the wall zooming in on the name Isabelle Hinds as we make our way to the elevators.
She created a new life just to get away from me. And knowing that fact kills me.
Cheverlie, Christina’s friend had given us her room key and told us we could stay there until she’s release from the hospital after that it’s up to Christina if we stay. Which I doubt she’ll allow me to.
Her friend was quite nice, she and Lexi hit it off in the few days we were here. Both are confident and don’t give a fuck about what people think so it’s no surprise they get along. Cheverlie had been taking care of Christi’s home and pet parrot Marley since the accident. She told us what happened that night and all the struggles she faced getting this place in order. She was one loyal friend that’s for sure, she even got a few cuts from cleaning up but she brushed it off saying Izzy would’ve done the same.
Izzy, Isabelle Hinds... Her new identity. Her new life.
Upon introduction we noticed that Roxie wasn’t too fond of Christi’s new pet and at nights Lexi would wake up to Roxie barking nonstop at the little caged bird that only squawked ‘shut up’ at her continuously.
Since then we had to keep Roxie in one of our rooms for the night away from Marley. I actually like the little tail feather, he is talkative but he’s useful and fun to have around. Plus he’s lighter than Roxie. Not that I prefer him over her or anything.
After punching in the floor number the elevator closes and we start to move.
“The doctor says there’s a good chance she’ll be released in two days,” Lexi says as she turns to look at me. “Do you plan to stay for the couple months of her recovery?”
I ponder on that question for a minute but my answer gets interrupted as the elevator bings and its door opens. I help her out the elevator and we make our way to Christi’s apartment. I fish for the key in my pockets and fiddle with the lock. I am about to open the door when Lexi speaks again.
“Johnattan, do you plan on staying here throughout her recovery?” Her eyes stare at me trying to read me but I give nothing away.
I open the door flicking on the light and gesture for her to go in. I haven’t set foot in her apartment since I’ve been here. It feels so odd out of place and I can’t stand to be in her new apartment where she lives her new life. Away from me.
Lexi sighs as she moves pass me and through the door. She turns to me pleading with her eyes to come in but I shake my head. She walks in disappearing around a corner after muttering ‘stupid males’ under her breath.
I look over to my apartment door down the hall and sigh. I had rented an apartment on her floor so I’d be near to Lexi just in case she needed help but she barely requested any.
I hated not being around Lexi after I promised Christina I would look after her but I couldn’t go in her apartment. I couldn’t bear to see how much she’d move on. How much he doesn’t need me any-
“Shit!” Lexi swears out of the blue and my ears perk up.
Glass shattering catches my attention and my body goes into flight mode. Disregarding my earlier fears I run into the apartment calling out to Alexis. I run into the kitchen, look around the room frantically my heart slowing down as I see Lexi standing over a broken glass.
“Shit! Christi’s going to have a fit. I broke her glass!” She curses as she goes to clean it up.
“Leave it!” I warn and she looks over at me ceasing all movement. “I’ll clean it up.”
She nods walking away as I draw near to the broken glass. I see a smirk on her lips as she moves away and I shake my head.
This was her way of getting me to enter this apartment. She played the pregnant lady in distress card. She takes a seat facing me and as I finish cleaning up the mess she looks at me with a taunting look.
I can’t believe she pulled that stunt. This wasn’t high school, this was real life, the adult world and she needed to understand and adhere to people’s wishes.
“What do you think of the apartment?” She asks as she rests her chin on her hands.
I close my eyes taking a deep breath before looking over at her. “Alexis, I’ve told you before I didn’t want to set foot in her apartment but it seems my words had fallen on deaf ears. She has a new life! A new identity! Why?! Because she’s hiding from me! ME, Alexis. She doesn’t want anything to do with me! Fuck she can’t even stand seeing my face! Being here is only ruining her life and I want to give her the space she needs. Away from me.”
My speech that started off so well ended in a high note with me yelling at Alexis who looks at me surprised but unamused.
“I knew you didn’t deserve her,” she says bluntly moving from the kitchen. “You really had me believing you did Johnattan but in the long run you lost it.”
I stare at her retreating form shocked. What the fuck just happened? Did she just say I didn’t deserve her?
I move towards the living room after her stopping abruptly as Christina’s scent engulfs me. I look around at her earth toned apartment and a ghost smile appears on my lips just like her so down to earth yet classy.
I shake my head making my way towards Alexis who’s propped on the couch her hand on the remote skipping through channels. I step in front of her and she looks up at me unamused.
“Move,” she says with a bored tone.
“What do you mean by I don’t deserve her?”
“Exactly what I said,” she says with disinterest.
“Why should I? That grandfather clock brain of yours should have enough tick in it to figure it out or is it as deprived as your dick?” She asks with a fake surprised accent.
“I’m surprised Christina even took any interest in you,” she mumbles.
“Oh you’re excused and while you’re at it pack your stuff and crawled back down to your level. This is the big level and obviously you aren’t equipped for it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” That seems to tick her off and she looks up at me with a fire raging in her eyes.
She stands staring up at me her small 5′5" figure trying to look intimidating.
“You want to know what my problem is?! You!” she says like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “You set your eyes on my Christi, break her walls, made her bare and you’re planning to give her space?! She’s been alone for three fucking months! When she needs you the most is when you want to give her space?” She looks at me incredulously as she shakes in anger. “Where’s that Johnattan from four months ago? The one we met at that club? The determined, dominating male my best friend fell in love with? This isn’t the time to stuff your head up your ass! If you want to be a chicken so be it but pull your head out your ass, push out your chest and cluck until that fucking beautiful hen notices your efforts and comes back to you! Be a cock and not pussy!”
I stand there stunned looking at Alexis. What the fuck is she saying? Christina ran away because she wanted space and I’m giving her that space!
She grabs my shirt and pulls me down to her level. She stares me dead in the eyes with no emotion in those brown, fierce eyes. “If you can’t handle the ride get the fuck off it Johnny. We don’t need freeloaders and that dear Johnattan is my problem with your ass! I’m done here.”
She spins on her heels after releasing me and wobbles out the room her head held high. She raises her hand pointing to the door and I wait for her smart remark.
“Don’t let the door hit you on the out... Matter of fact make it hit you and knock some sense in that thick skull of yours.” And she doesn’t disappoint.
I watch her disappear from sight and I look out into space making her words sink in. She is right.
I needed to be that Johnattan again. Determined and Dominant. That’s a part of the reason she loved me. She needs that Johnattan right now to love and protect her. And I’m going to give it to her.
As Lexi said, I needed to be a cock and not a pussy and get back my girl.