I sit at the island pushing around the contents of the plate before me.
My mind is lost in thought as I peer at the marble counter top. I just couldn’t stop reminiscing on last night.
Johnattan and I, we made love and he was fantastic ... It was sensational, his love wrapped around me, caressing my body and making me feel safe. He treated me like a Goddess - his Goddess, worshipping my body. He took his time to pleasure me asking me how I wanted it, demanding I act like the dominatrix I am - that he loves - and at the same time he manages to take control of my body as he brought us to cloud nine, me clawing at his back and him pounding into me.
My body is still humming from last night’s activities and my mood feels light and happy. He makes me happy and I can’t deny it - I don’t want to anymore.
I want to be with Johnattan Blake.
The only problem is that there are things in our way preventing us from being together... but I’m willing to work with him towards our happiness.
To reach this happiness my first order of business is to call Dr. Monroe - my Therapist, and schedule an at-home session. If anyone can help me to get through this, it’s him and I want to get through this for Johnattan, for our baby, and for myself.
I believe that we should be together - one happy family and I want to make it a reality. For us.
“Earth to Christina,” Lexi calls from across the counter and I jut a bit surprised.
“Huh?” I say confused as I place the fork I’ve been using to push around my brunch on the plate.
“I asked you a question,” Lexi says as she placed her empty plate in the sink.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. My mind was somewhere else,” I reply as I look at her apologetically. “What was your question?”
“Well,” she says as she turns to me placing her elbows on the counter and resting her chin on her hands. “I was asking if the food doesn’t appeal to you since you were playing around with it so much but I figured you were just over thinking something. This now brings forth my new question. How was it?"
I stare at her faking confusion and she gives me a ′bitch please′ look. I shrug placing my focus on the food in front of me, beginning to eat.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say dismissively as I chew my eggs.
“Okay if you want me to pretend I didn’t hear you scream out so loud that it woke the angels above...” Lexi says with an ”I know you’re lying′ tone and a dismissive shrug.
I stop chewing as a blush takes my cheeks. I finish the food in my mouth before replying to Lexi. “I was really that loud?”
“Oh so now you remember?” Lexi asks with an eye roll. “And yes you were. I was in a room across the hall and girl your voice shook my eardrums so hard they felt like they were gonna come and not you.”
I roll my eyes at Lexi’s exaggeration continuing to eat my brunch. Only Alexis.
“Looks like he was really drilling out that depression though.” Lexi says with a small whistle followed by a ′damn’.
I choke on the eggs as Lexi says that statement. I grab the orange juice sipping until I could breathe normally again. I glare at Lexi who giggles at my red, watery eyes.
“Next time slow down. Fast isn’t always best.”
"Depression?" I ask in disbelief. “A depression is like a fucking trench."
“Well if that’s what you think best describes your pussy who am I to argue,” Lexi teases before laughing as I throw a piece of bacon at her, harshly.
She chuckles after dodging my attack and walks around the island to hug my shoulders, placing a kiss on my cheek. “I’m sowry."
“Apology noted, acceptance still pending,” I say with a pissed off expression on my face and she starts to kiss me all over my face muttering sorries.
“Fine! Fine! I forgive you,” I say and she pulls away.
“For?” She asks and I look at her confused. Bitch, what? “For?”
"For calling my pussy a depression?" I say a bit bewildered. Am I the one in the wrong here or?
“Good,” Lexi states with a toothy smile. “So I repeat. How was it?"
I shake my head at her before sighing and telling her everything. The way I felt, the sensations that were blossoming in my chest and the heights he had my body on. Everything up to the moment he left this morning.
Johnattan and I had spent the morning together but a little after ten he had to leave me to go to some meeting in the city. He’d promised to return tonight to keep my company and treat me. I don’t know that he had in mind but I know it’ll be worth my while. He always makes it something that pleases me and entertains him so there’s no doubt in my mind this treat will be simple, sweet and fun.
“Final - fucking- ly!” She says in relief. “You guys are as stubborn as some old mules!”
“I am not,” I protest.
“If I didn’t push you to call him would you be feeling this way right now?” She challenges with a brow raised.
I stare at my plate defeated with a silent ′no’ leaving my lips. She gives me a ‘told you so’ look and I roll my eyes.
“See stubborn,” she insists.
“Whatever,” I mutter.
“Yup. Also I’m happy y’all are finally happy but let’s continue this conversation later when Shan and Chev gets here.”
“Chev and Shan?” I ask confused.
“Yup, we’re having a girls’ day, today!” She says enthusiastically. “So hop in the shower and freshen up!”
“Why wasn’t I told-” I began but before I could as her, she walks out of the kitchen her mood light and I sigh.
“Do you remember the time...? When we fell in love?! Do remember the time when we first met girl?!” I cringe as Chev belts out the lyrics to the late King of Pop’s Do you remember.
So these girl’s idea of a girls’ day included a karaoke CD, Shan’s bad ass camera, food, gossiping and watching Disney movies.
I stare at the woman-child in front of me doing anything but justice to the pop icon’s song and shake my head at her. They’ve only been here for approximately an hour and half and already we’ve watched Tangled and they’ve sung five MJ songs all leaving my eardrums aching for relief.
The song finally finishes and I release a sigh.
Chev turns to us with an enthusiastic smile on her face and her eyes swirling with happiness. A lazy smile lifts at my lips at the look on her face. She has that look of someone contented with the life she lives but behind that I see an emotion that contrasts all that happiness. She is indecisive, her mind still dwells on something maybe someone and not matter how she covers it with happiness it peeks through clearly to me.
As they say, it takes one to know one.
“Who’s going next?” Chev says snapping me out of my analysis of her eyes. “Shan?”
“Nope,” she answers immediately from her sitting position on my carpeted floor.
“Okay then,” Chev says with a shrug. “Izzy?”
"No más," I groan flinging my head back whilst covering my eyes with my arm. ”Karaoke es muy pesado!”
"What?” Chev says and I look up to see her face twisted in confusion. I stifle a laugh at the dumbfounded expression she wears and she glares at me with her arms crossed. “I don’t know about you or anyone else in here but I speak English. E-n-g-l-i-s-h. The language a large percentage of the world’s population speaks. So break it down for me in that language please.”
“She said, no more. Karaoke is annoying.” Shan replies from my left with her focus on the camera in her hands.
"See, English,” Chev say dramatically. “I guess having trilingual boyfriend pays off right Shan?” Shanice just rolls her eyes at Chev muttering a sure.
Shanice is in a red mini top and blue jeans romper that ends a little bellow her ass. She plays with the professional camera, adjusting the lens before raising it towards me and taking a picture.
I raise my hand towards the camera shielding my face. “No pictures please.” I say those words melodramatically and Shan giggles before placing the camera in her lap.
"Annoying?!” My eyes drift to Chev who wears a hurt expression, it’s like she just remembered I had said that. “Karaoke is a way of enjoying yourself through music how can it be annoying?!”
“It can when you can’t sing,” I blurt out before I can stop myself and Chev reels back as if I’d slapped her.
“That’s a lie!” She says with a look I thought only a four year could pull off. “I can too sing.”
“Chev, I mean this in the nicest way possible honey. You sound like a strangled crow,” Chev grabs a pillow sending towards Shan, who it whacks in her face before falling to the ground.
Shan looks at her with a murderous glare, she slowly puts down her camera gripping the pillow in front of her and at the movement Chev steps back.
“Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong!” Shan says before chucking the pillow at Chev that receives it directly in her face.
As Chev blinks trying to see a clear image through her droopy, red eyes, Shan - jumping to her feet - runs up to her, cushions in hand and tackles her to the ground.
I see feathers fly as the two toss, turn and deliver hits with my cushions their laughter polluting the atmosphere. It looks like a scene out of animal planet taking place in my living room so I did what anybody else would; I watch. They tumble, scream and claw and I mentally curse for the lack of popcorn right now.
“Hey!” Lexi shouts from the kitchen threshold and all movement ceases. Damn, and it was getting good.
“Get up and stop dry humping each other on the floor I just cleaned!”
The two stare at Lexi like two deer caught in headlights. I stifle a chuckle at their rather comprising position. Shan had her legs straddling Chev who lies below Shan, her hands pulling at her top exposing her cleavage.
They shuffle off each other and the floor making their way towards the couch. Shan’s ponytail is frizzy and her top stretched a little at the neck. Chev’s black T-shirt is rolled up exposing her stomach, bunching up at the top of her breasts and her ash, jean shorts had rode up showing her ass and thighs.
They sit side by side feathers covering their bodies and hair and a frown adorns their faces.
“I’ve had enough trouble cleaning up Johnattan’s and Chrissie’s mess. I don’t want to do the same for you two.”
As Lexi moves towards the coffee table and put down the tray in her hand, Shan’s and Chev’s eyes move to me in shock. Now I am the one looking like a deer caught in headlights.
"What the actually fuck?" Chev says her eyes never leaving me.
“Yup, our Chrissie hit the ring for a few rounds and from what I heard they were explosive,” Lexi says brushing her curls from her face before fixing her blue sundress and sitting down in the single couch to my left.
"You’re lying," Shan says in disbelief. “You’re screwing with us.”
“That, I am not doing,” Lexi says making a disgusted face.
Shan glares at her with an unamused look on her face. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Well I can’t be too sure. Based on the dry humping I just saw on the floor I’m sceptical,” Lexi rubbing her stomach.
“Lexi,” this time it’s Chev who speaks and Lexi laughs. ”Did they fuck or nah?"
“Why don’t you ask her? She’s the one that was hollering out to the heavens above. Maybe it was because of his dick or...” Lexi does a flicking motion with her tongue and I groan a blush covering my cheeks. “It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve explored the freaky world. I remember once in Jamai-”
“Fine!” I exclaim stopping Lexi from completing that sentence. She shoots me a knowing smirk and I flip her off which she laughs at.
“Well?” Shan says as all the eyes in the room fall on me. “Did you...?”
I roll my eyes a smile creeping onto my lips and I fail at fighting it. “Yes, we made love.”
The squeal that leaves each girl’s mouth leaves my ear drums aching and I cover my ears with my hands instantly.
“How was it?”
“Was he worth the tumble?”
“Did he make you lose your mind?”
“Made you cry out at -”
“Stop!” I say and both women fall silent. I sigh relaxing my mind before replying.
“It was Magical.” I say to Shan.
“Yes he was one hundred and one percent worth it.” I answer Chev’s question.
“He made me go animalistic,” I say almost breathlessly.
“And yes he made me declare his name to the heavens above as his body laid nestled between my legs. And trust me ladies every part of him was hard and ready to please... And did he ever,” I lay back a contented look on my face and the girls look at him still shocked but with a shit eating grin on their glossy lips.
“Shan do you see that look?” Chev asks teasingly and I stare at her as did Shan.
“Yes?” She says unsure.
“Tag it. ‘When she has been a bitch for the last three months and Daddy finally gives her some well overdue dick’,” They all laugh at that and I blush covering my face.
A pillow hitting my head causes my hand to move from my face and I glare at the culprit, Chev.
“Come on you know it’s true.” I roll my eyes at her unamused but even I had to admit she was 100% right. I just need Daddy’s dick to set me straight.
“You’re not telling them everything,” Lexi says in a sing song voice before munching on a sandwich.
The others follow suit taking a sandwich and Shan hands me a cheese one. After pausing all conversation to eat because we believe eating is a sacred act so we try to focus solely on the food until it’s no longer in front of us.
“What did Lexi mean by you’re not telling us everything?” Chev says as we finish our snacks and Shan volunteers to carry the tray back into the kitchen.
“Well...” I start before looking over at Lexi with confusion. She rubs her stomach while rolling her eyes and I find myself fighting the urge to rub my growing bump.
“She was blindfolded,” Lexi says dismissively.
“That’s some kinky shit right there,” Chev says with a smirk.
“I heard kinky what did I miss?” Shan says popping down beside us.
“That wasn’t the main reason why she wore it,” Lexi says matter-of-factly. “Tell them why Chrissie.”
I don’t know what Lexi’s trying to provoke her but I’m not about to back down.
“I did it because seeing his eyes provoked memories; memories of when I was raped that I’d like to keep under wraps.” I say confidently no shame in my voice. That is how it is and I’m not going to pretty up for them.
Chev and Shan looks at me sympathetically. I’ve grown accustomed to that look by now but regardless I’m grateful for the fact that they care.
“I didn’t - we didn’t know,” Chev says in dismal.
“It’s okay, it’s not something I go around telling everyone,” I say with a forced smile.
“It must be hard-”
“It is,” Lexi interrupts. “She can’t go around Johnattan without covering her eyes that must be a blow to his gut, knowing he didn’t do anything yet having this thrown on him.”
We look at Lexi a bit taken back by her almost cold tone.
“I know it is but what can I-”
"What can you do?" She asks incredulously. “This is your life Chrissie. Accept that what happened, happened. If you don’t own it and move pass it your life will fall in pieces.”
My pain constricts as I look at my best friend, her eyes are void of emotions, her posture rigid and her tone stone cold. The next words she utter leaves my chest feeling hallow inside.
“How long do you expect Johnattan to wait for you? Years? Does he have to wait years before you can simply look him in his eyes? That’d be selfish of you Chrissie. If you don’t do something soon you will lose him forever."
“Stop,” I say my voice loud but broken. “You make me feel like the bad guy. I didn’t ask for this!”
“Guys calm down,” Shan says but we shout an emotionless ′stay out of this’ at her.
“No you didn’t but you’re making it control you!” Lexi says firmly. “You are continuously making this whip your ass over and over again. You’re not the only one feeling pain and the effects, others are suffering with you.”
“I’m receiving it first-hand though! I’m the one that got raped! I’m the one that can’t look the man I love in the eyes! And I’m the one carrying his child! A child I fear telling him about because I’m afraid our situation will complicate his/her life!”
The room goes dead silent and all eyes stare at me shocked, all except Lexi who wears a pleased look on her face.
“Tough love,” she says with a smile. “It always works.”
“Pregnant?” Chev and Shan say in disbelief.
“Yes,” I say caressing my stomach. “Pregnant.”
“I’ve known it for a while now but it puzzles me how it’s possible.” Lexi says her eyes soft and genuinely curious.
“What do you mean by how?” Chev says confused. “You must have learned that in Sex Ed 101.”
“I know that but there was more to Chrissie’s story she was infertile,” the girls gasp at the revelation and Lexi nods before continuing. “She had gotten pregnant after the rape and her father made her have an abortion that left her womb unrecognizable and she was said to be infertile.”
“Yeah,” I say drawing their attention to me. “The Doctor said that my cervix had swollen - which was why I had been said to be infertile - and they never thought it would go back to its normal state but it did. The reason I couldn’t conceive until now is because in my mind I believed I was unable to and my responded to this belief basically. After meeting Johnattan though my thoughts were disrupted and wild plus the hormones Lexi was giving off because of the pregnancy caused my hormones to become more responsive and increased my hormonal count and as you said the rest is Sex Ed 101.”
I caress my stomach lovingly as I finish my explanation. “And now I have my own little bundle of joy in my stomach growing each day.”
A tear slips from my eye and the girls surround me placing their arms around my shoulders and I smile genuinely at them.
Lexi looks at me lovingly and she soon wobbles over to us squeezing her way through Chev and I. “Congrats my Chrissie,” she says wiping at my tears. “Looks like all I had to do was get pregnant for you to follow suit.”
I chuckle at her joke nodding my head. “I guess so.”
She hugs me lovingly before kissing my temple. “I’m sorry for before but I just wanted you to come out with those emotions sealed inside of you and let someone else help you carry the weight. We’ll always be here for you Chrissie and we’ll help you through all of this. One step at a time.”
“I second that,” Shan says smiling at me.
“And I third that,” Chev says and we chuckle.
Soon they’re petting my hair and caressing my stomach asking questions by the minute. When I’d told them I am three months and a few weeks they didn’t believe me at first but Lexi had silenced Chev and Shan’s scepticism by saying she didn’t start showing until her fourth month.
Our conversation continues for almost half an hour until Chev jumps up saying she had a grand idea on how to celebrate. She calls over Shan and asks her to position her camera at angle so she could catch the movements in the area we are seated and leave it there recording.
She then grabs the mics from off the floor in front of the Karaoke machine and I groan in protest.
“Karaoke!” She says handing Lexi and Shan mics.
“Please tell her no,” I plead with them but they shrug me off.
“Oh cheer up Chrissie it may be fun,” Lexi says agreeing with Chev.
I look at Shan and she gives me an apologetic smile.
"Traitors," I mumble as I fold my arms in defeat.
They select the song and ′Wanna be′ by Spice girls appears on the screen.
Chev puts a mic in my lap despite my reluctance at singing Karaoke with them but eventually I cave in with a shrug.
“Okay listen up, I’ll start with aid from Lexi, Christina you have the first verse and Shan the second. We all sing the choruses and hooks. Am I clear?” Chev asks with a raise of a brow.
“Aye, Aye Captain,” Shan says playfully.
“Yup,” Lexi pipes up.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
“Good.” Chev says as she works her neck. “Let’s do this.”
She presses play and soon all hell broke loose.
"Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.” Chev screams out causing me to flinch.
“So, tell me what you want, what you really really want.” Lexi accompanies with a light hearted tone.
“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.”
“So, tell me what you want, what you really really want.”
“I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah.” Chev sings imitating Michael Jackson’s shoulder movements before sliding to the side looking at me.
“If you want my future forget my past. If you wanna get with me better make it fast.” I sing the song with a roll of my eyes and the girls grin in triumph. ”Now don’t go wasting my precious time. Get your act together, we could be just fine.”
Suddenly Chev slides to the ground kneeling in front me, shaking her head aggressively. “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.”
“So, tell me what you want, what you really really want.” Shan sings as she joins Chev on the floor and I laugh at their imitation of rock music guitarist.
“I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah.”
I cover my mouth suppressing something between a laugh and gasp as Chev thrusts her hips suggestively as she says “Ah”.
"If you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends). Make it last forever, friendship never ends.” The girls sing and I rock as the music finally takes me over and I join their singing. “If you wanna be my lover. You have got to give. Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.”
“What do you think about that? Now you know how I feel.” Shan sings and we hoot as she kneels on the floor acting all seductive. “Say you can handle my love. Are you for real?”
“Are you for real?” I harmonize.
“I won’t be hasty, I’ll give you a try. If you really bug me then I’ll say goodbye.” She says before quickly kissing my cheek causing me to gasp in glee.
“Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.” Chev sings jumping onto my coffee table.
“So, tell me what you want, what you really really want.” I sing as laughter leaves my mouth.
“I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna-, I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah.” She says before jumping onto the couch I’m in.
The girls sing the chorus as they join me on the couch. Chev starts to move her body to the rhythm left to right and we follow with laughs putting attitude into our movements. “If you wanna be my lover you have got to give. (You got to give.) Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.”
“So here’s a story from A to Z. You wanna get with me? You gotta listen carefully.” Chev says abruptly standing up.
"We got Shan in the place. Who likes it in your face. We got C like MC. Who likes it on an- Chrissie she doesn’t come for free. She’s a real lady. And as for me? Ha-ha! You’ll see.” Lexi raps and we look at her mouths agape.
“Slam your body down and wind it all around. Slam your body down and wind it all around.” She sings ignoring our looks and we hoot before joining again.
“If you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends). Make it last forever, friendship never ends. If you wanna be my lover you have got to give. (You got to give.) Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.
If you wanna be my lover you gotta-, you gotta-, you gotta-, you gotta-,
You gotta slam, slam, slam, slam. Make it last forever.”
We sing gently pushing each other with our shoulders.
“Slam your body down and wind it all around. Slam your body down and wind it all around!”
I laugh with happiness as the girls groove around me and I can’t help but grab them and pull them close for a group hug.
“I love you guys! You that right?” I say as they giggle around me.
A light-hearted mood takes us over and I thank god for these crazy girls I call my friends.
“Yes,” Chev says teasingly looking at the others conveying a secret message. “And...”
“We love you too Christi!” They scream grabbing me in a bear hug.