Of course I forgave him, if there was anything to forgive. He was the sweetest, sexiest man alive, this I knew. The other thing I knew was that he was no saint. This bothered me not at all. I didn’t want a saint. I wanted Alexander.
I straddled him, kissing his lips. He was in that state that drove me a little crazy, where he surrendered to me, like he was afraid of doing anything that would offend or hurt me. Just the size of him, and the strength, made this irresistible. He let me take total control, until he felt me give him permission to dominate, which was his preference. I wasn’t quite ready to do that. I held him down. I licked my tongue gently into his mouth. When he closed his lips around my tongue, as though to draw me in, I withdrew. He watched me, then he closed his eyes, conceding, allowing me anything I wanted of him. I kissed him again, letting my tongue glide across his bottom lip. He lay perfectly still.
“Keep your eyes closed,” I whispered. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt a little loose, a little reckless. The relief, of hearing his confession, of understanding what I had already known but wanted to hear – and I had never imagined I’d hear it like that, so heartfelt, so eloquent and emotional – was quietly extreme. I had feared those accusations. I had experienced flickers of terror at the thought of being cast out by Alexander. I didn’t care about the rain, the money, the cold. What I feared more than anything else was being alone again. Of being in danger. It was an old fear, a childhood fear, and I banished it, as I was very good at doing, but in its wake it left an almost unhinged coldness I wanted – no, needed – to fill. My big, warm Alexander could ease that coldness. He knew how to soothe my fears very well.
It had been the longest I’d ever gone, in all the time we’d been together, without climaxing. My nerves were frazzled from the emotions and pace of the day and my body was suddenly voracious, to feel him. To eat him and drink him and take him inside. But I moved slowly, carefully, at first. I untied my dress and unwrapped it. His eyes opened and I didn’t mind. I wanted him to see me. I unclipped my bra (I’d finally put the La Perla to good use on my first day at the new job) and let it fall away. I fingered my breasts as he watched. I touched my nipples until they peaked and tightened, to make sure I was still here, still real. I could feel the warm glide of a tear of my cheek but I ignored it. I was fine. It was just that chink in my soul that let the sorrow through sometimes, I knew this. I knew I was damaged and that some things triggered that dark, hollow place. Alexander was beginning to understand it too. He recognized it right away and he pulled me gently down to him and held my face. “You’re all right, Lila. You’re all right. I’m here with you. I’ll take care of you. I’m with you. I love you.”
I kissed him and he murmured against my lips. “Let me just hold you, if you’re tired. It’s all right, honey girl. You can sleep.”
“No,” I said. I didn’t feel like articulating it in words. I found a button of his shirt and fumbled with it. And another. And the hot tears welled.
It was then that Alexander took control. He turned us, laying me down, holding me down. He wiped my tears with his fingers. “Lila.”
I stared up at him. He looked so beautiful, with his hair messed up and his dark eyes all concerned.
“I’m going to put you into this bed and cover you up with these duvets and hold you close to me. And you’re going to sleep now.”
Maybe I was going a little crazy, because this made me smile. That he thought all I wanted was to sleep. “I have a better plan.”
He just watched me, trying to read my smile, and I thought my heart would burst I loved him so much. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”
“How about you take off these La Perlas with your teeth,” I said. “Then you kiss me everywhere. Then you do that thing with your tongue that I like until I come. Twice. And then you slide yourself up my body and fuck me with that giant, glorious cock of yours until I come again. Then you wrap me in these duvets and hold me close. And then we sleep.”
He smiled, and blinked, as though mildly impressed. Thoughtfully, he said, “You’re right, that does sound like a very good plan.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
“I do. I like it a lot. As long as you’re sure.”
We both just lay there, looking into each other’s eyes, mad with it, with this beautiful, astounding connection. It might have been a minute or more before I said to him, “All right. Get on with it, then.”
“I will. I just wanted to say something first.”
“That I love you. I mean it. I love you, Lila. Don’t ever doubt that. I really think you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met and I want to be with you and love you and take care of you and protect you and help you to live and love and thrive for the rest of our life together. I can’t wait to marry you. I can’t wait to spend every day with you, always.”
I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. “I love you, too, Alexander. So much. So much.” His tongue dipped into my mouth, lingering briefly. Then his lips slid to my cheek, my chin. To my neck. To my breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth and drew strongly, pulling and gently biting. He fingered my other nipple, squeezing and twirling. His hands were so strong. I let him hold me and do what he wanted, to position me and feel me. His hands and his mouth communicated his love, his lust, his devotion.
Between bites and licks, as he worked his way around my breasts and my stomach, kissing me, he murmured sweet words. “I love the way you taste. Do you know how much I’ve missed you today? Do you have any idea?” His teeth were pulling my panties down and he paused when they were still mid-thigh, to gasp, to finger and part my intimate furls. “Lila. God, you’re pretty. You know I’m going to have to punish you for that little stunt you pulled in the boardroom this morning, don’t you? Not tonight, though. Tonight I’ll be gentle with you.” He was too impatient to taste me to pull the panties all the way off with his teeth. His hands hastily rid me of the silky lace and he pushed my legs apart, settling between them. His fingers played, opening me to his gaze, trailing along the folds, finding the tiny nub. He was deliberate, and careful, and his fingers dipped inside to the moist, tight center of me. I was ready for him. I was always ready for Alexander. “You want me to kiss you, honey? I’ll kiss you. I’ll kiss you so good. Like this.”
He touched his tongue to me and I weaved my fingers through his hair, letting my legs fall open fully, drawing my knees up. I wasn’t shy. I felt debauched and raunchy. I wanted to come.
It didn’t take long. Not with Alexander’s mouth feasting, biting, stroking and delving. He was a master at this and he knew just what drove me over the edge. He fed two fingers deeper into me. At the same time, his tongue stroked against my clit as his lips fixed onto it, pulling on it, drawing on my pleasure in time with the thrust of his fingers, until the waves rolled and crashed in a quick, wildly intense swell. I bucked gently into the pleasure. He pushed his tongue deep into me and I could feel myself clenching around him as I came. He licked me hungrily, and came back for more. My climax hadn’t even fully ended before he spun it out again, squeezing my clit with his fingers, pulling, milking, as the fingers of his other hand slid deeper into me, hooked and caressing, driving me wild.
The ecstasy eased but did not yield. Alexander’s fingers were still there. But he had listened to me. He began to slide himself up my body, laying himself over me. His mouth found my breast and he suckled me very, very gently. It was a trick he’d learned, a lewd one, possibly. It only worked after I’d come once or twice. When he fed like this, gently, his mouth fixed and barely moving, his tender suction steady and mellow, while his fingers lay long and pressed against my g-spot, if that’s what it was, I would come. Hard. It was a colorful orgasm, weirdly. Bright kaleidoscope-like bursts surged through me and I cried out. I writhed and sighed and I hugged him closer, wriggling and feeling so much. My hand searched and I realized he’d undressed somewhere along the line. I found his big, hot cock and I stroked him, steering him to where I wanted him. He let me, going still. My body moved under his, adjusting, teasing, inviting him inside. As his fingers slipped out of me, I swirled my fingertips around the head of his cock, then slid my fist around his length, guiding him in. With just the broad tip of him easing into me, pressing against my clit, I came again, in voluptuous surges that pulled him deeper, deeper.
“Oh, Alexander,” I moaned, rolling my hips against his, decadent and greedy, again, closer, deeper. “Oh, I love you. I love you. I love you.” I sighed it along with each blissful clench, until he was fully rooted inside me. I grasped his backside and he grabbed mine as he forced himself as deep as he would go. There was no space between us. We were one. My fingernails gripped into him and he was so big and so hard and his thrusts were so deep I thought he had touched my heart. I wanted him there, filling me absolutely. My whole body was coming, like a soft, supple vessel, gripping him and working him until he gave me his liquid warmth in languid pooling surges that fulfilled me in ways and means I had never known. I received him, my body thirsting for all he had to give. We came for a long time, locked in it, riding every lasting sensation until we were fully spent and sweatily entwined.
“Don’t leave me,” I murmured, already succumbing to the daze and the fringes of sleep.
I felt a duvet settle around and over us, the one from the foot of the bed, maybe. The instant, total warmth drew me further towards subconsciousness. He was still hotly, wetly inside me, on top of me, all around me. My arms and legs were wrapped around him. My lips were pressed softly against his skin.
I heard it, from far away and deep inside. “I’m never leaving you.”
My last thought, as I drifted to sleep, was this: please, please let that be true.