Safe With Me

He leaned even closer, so close I could see the pulse in his neck. His skin as fair as mine was dark.

He dropped his mouth to my ear, no doubt about to make another futile threat. Martin had never so
much as called me one mean name. He was my protector all through school and I was his number
one fan. I turned my head and our lips brushed, his breath caught in mine and I stretched up
attempting to grab his lip between my teeth. He froze and our eyes met, they met and they held for
way too long. Neither of us breathed, or blinked.

A rush of heat flooded through me, my eyes stayed on his, searching for a reason to breathe again.
He didn't move, he didn't get off me, he froze, his body hovering over mine, trying to work out what
had just happened.

I knew exactly what had happened, and it was wrong, wrong wrong.

But for some inexplicable reason, in the middle of fully understanding the wrongness, I leaned up,

licking his neck right up to his ear, trying to nibble his lobe before he pulled away.

I wanted to taste him, to find the pulse in his neck and press my lips to it.

To breathe his smell deep down inside me and never let it out.

"What the hell was that?" He hissed, taking one hand and then the other, off my shoulder, rising at
the same time as I fished his phone out of my bra. I handed it to him in silence, still feeling a rush of
emotion now twisted together with shame. My heart was pounding right up in my ears, my breath
as if I'd been doing way more than fighting off rogue thoughts. I reached out to him, forcing him to
pull me up. I looked at my traitorous hand, a hand I suddenly pictured running through his too short,
dark red hair.

"Have to go." I said and grabbed my bag.

Laura and Gregg didn't look up from the TV. They hadn't even glanced at us, well used to the
physical nature of our relationship. I walked to the door and yanked it open, relieved to be stepping
into cool night air. Martin was behind me, his hand on my hip, turning me back to him. Back to the
very place I needed to run from.

"What was that?"

I didn't pretend. There was no point. "I don't know."

His eyes searched mine, pleading for me to tell him what he wanted to hear. Pleading for me to lie.

"Maybe I had too much to drink?" He said.

We both knew he never over indulged, I'd only seen him drink one beer, and doubted he even
finished it. "Yeah, probably."

He could take the blame, he liked doing that. It was better than facing the fact that maybe I was
about to spiral down again, manic behaviour and all that. If my strung out nerves and drumming
heart were anything to go by, I was pretty close to the edge.

We were still standing too close. At least it felt that way now. So close I could easily imagine all sorts
of things a girl should never ever imagine about one of her oldest friends. About her friends fiancé.

And then it struck me just how ridiculous this situation was. I started to laugh, and saw his eyes
pause for a moment before they began to crinkle too. Soon we were both in hysterics on the front
porch, gasping for air, revelling in relief.

It was me that had drunk too much, I was the one who always over indulged. I was the one who had
just broken up with yet another boyfriend. I was the emotional wreck, always just one step away
from disaster.

"Oh my gosh," I gasped. "That was so funny. I almost kissed you." My knees nearly gave way in
laughter, I lurched forward into his chest, he hooked his arms under my armpits to stop me from
going down.

The world had not stopped spinning, I had not gone mental, this was just one of those
weird crazy moments that happened and could easily be forgotten.

And if not forgotten, added to our long list of things we no longer spoke of.

Things that didn't need to be put into words when a tilt of the head would do just as well.