3. Dear Jensen
The blue and white of the jacket clashed frightfully with his outfit but he didn't care. He was at home, nobody would see him.
Heading upstairs, he joined his dad on the sofa. He looked at the television screen, not really paying attention to the story line of the crime series. It wasn't until a commercial break that his dad asked what was troubling him.
"I've been trying to write a letter." Lucas said. "To Jensen. So he knows that I'm missing him and I still care. I don't want him to be in that place thinking I'm angry or that I won't be waiting for him. I just… I don't know what to write."
"Dear Jensen would probably be a good start." James told him gently. "You know, back when I was wooing your mum, I wrote her a few letters."
"You did?" Lucas asked quirking an eyebrow in obvious surprise.
"Yeah," James grinned. "They were never any good." He admitted.
"What happened?" Lucas asked with interest, sitting up straighter and turning his body sideways so he was facing his dad.
"Your mum, she walked up to me, tucking her hair behind her ears and took my hand as she smiled." James reminisced. "She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and just said, 'thanks, Jimmy, that was sweet', and then she kissed me on the cheek and walked back to her friends."
"Jimmy?" Lucas asked with a barely concealed snort.
"An old nickname," James shrugged. "I wasn't so keen on being called James as a kid, so I made myself the nickname Jimmy from my middle name."
"Jim." Lucas said with an understanding nod.
"Yeah, Jimmy just sounded a little more badass than James." He commented and Lucas smiled before suddenly feeling a little repulsed that his dad reminded him of his boyfriend when he said those words.
"Did you ever send mum any more letters?" Lucas asked.
"A couple more." James answered. "When I took her out on our first date, she was supposed to be home by nine. We got back a little after midnight."
"I'm guessing Grandpa wasn't too thrilled about that." Lucas said.
"He chased me down the street with a pitchfork." James told him in full seriousness and Lucas's eyes widened.
"That sounds a little familiar." Lucas pointed out shooting his dad a significant look.
"Yeah I know." James nodded. "I don't make things easy for your boyfriend when he's around. But your Grandpa never made it easy for me in the early days. But me and your mum worked things out. We dated through High School, I showed her off at the Starry Night dance, the Winter Formal, the Spring Fling and our Prom. Then we got married, got this house. We had you." He placed an arm around his son's shoulder and gave a strong squeeze.
"Really?" Lucas asked smiling widely and James nodded as he pulled him in for a proper hug. "So, the letters you sent when Grandpa wouldn't let you see her, what did you write in them?"
"Anything and everything." James shrugged. "I told her about my day, how I kept playing our song over and over. I'd tell her about my plans for the future, how I was gonna save my money up over the summer and buy the coolest car and drive her all around town. This letter you write to Jensen, it doesn't have to be an epic piece of romantic writing. You can just write about how things are at school, or how you've sat listening to your old man talk about your mum. It doesn't matter what you write, just as long as you write to him. Seeing your handwriting will be enough for him to know that you care and that you're waiting for him. And it'll be romantic just because it's a letter from you. He'll fold that piece of paper up and sleep with it under his pillow as long as he's in that place. Then when he's out, he'll bring that letter with him and keep it in a drawer in his bedroom somewhere."
"Thanks, dad." Lucas replied gratefully. "I think I'll be able to write something now."
"You do that, kid." James encouraged patting his knee.
"Dad?" Lucas asked looking back before he reached his basement door.
"Yeah?" James called back.
"Can I tell Jensen that your school boy nickname was Jimmy?" Lucas teased.
"No." James responded sharply making Lucas laugh.
Back down in his basement,KLucas strode confidently to his desk and pulled a fresh sheet of paper towards him as he picked up his pen.
It took a few minutes, but once he'd written down the first few lines, the rest just came to him.
Being wrapped up in your letterman jacket is a small comfort to your absence. Your smell still lingers, almost fooling me into believing you're here if I close my eyes. The material is warm, just as your body always is so even though you're not here to hold me, wearing your jacket is the next best thing.
I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that you're latest stunt has soared your badass status to new highs. Even without you roaming the halls of Beach High people are still fearful of you. We have a new addition to the choir, Dean. He is a prime example of someone being afraid of you although you're not around at the moment.
Some people, like Tatia, were impressed to hear the news of you getting yourself thrown in juvie. Others, like Miss Jane Bright are not so amused. Predictably, she complained for some time how we needed you to compete for Sectionals. She calmed down a little when Dean was introduced but as talented as the new boy is, he could never replace you. I hope you'll be out soon so you can join us on stage again. Nobody else could even hope to achieve the bad boy presence you bring.
It was Miss Blake's idea for me to write to you while you're away. Clearly I have taken her advice. I'd much sooner call so I could hear your voice, or visit so that I might see your face but for reasons I won't delve in to through writing, neither calling nor visiting is an option.
The days and nights without you to fill me so completely are sure to be long, cold and almost unbearably lonely. There will not be a second that passes where I don't miss you. Though I know you'll be back eventually, being apart is already agonizing and I know I'll only miss you more as the time goes by.
There have also been a few confrontations with Josh. Nothing for you to worry about, I just needed to let you know. Though I regret to say I can't write any more on the matter. He didn't hurt me, he just surprised me and not in a good way. I've considered whether or not I should confide in someone about the Josh situation, but for now I've decided it is not necessary. If things escalate, then you have my word that I'll tell someone and seek help in whatever form is needed. For now, I'm just hoping nothing more will happen.
I shall be visiting your mum and Lizzy frequently while you're away, I'm sure they could use my support. You really did disappoint your mother, Jensen. I hate to say it, but you disappointed me too. When you get out, we will be having words about your reckless behaviour. Of course, I can't stay angry with you, not when I love you so fiercely. I'll do my best to keep your mother sane and I'll look after Lizzy.
I miss you terribly and hope you'll be returning to me soon. Stay strong for me, Jensen.
All my love,
Jennifer Benson xxx
Satisfied, Lucas carefully folded the letter and slipped it into an envelope. He would write the address and post it the next day after he visited Ruth and Lizzy.