I have a serious problem.
My problem is that for the most part I hate most people; however, if I find one who I happen to care about, I’ll end up getting attached.
It sneaks up quickly on me. I go can go from barely liking someone to boom all of a sudden being a mentally clingy bitch who relies on that person to be there for them.
It’s not good. I know that.
Getting attached to others only ever ends up with me getting hurt in some way.
I was attached to my mother.
She’s never around.
I was attached to my friends when I was younger.
They turned their backs on me.
I was attached to Demetri.
We all know how that ended.
There had been other people as well.
It just never ended well for me.
Being attached to someone is like giving them a little piece of your heart, trusting that they won't break it. In my experience it never works out. I only ever was taken advantage of, made fun of, or left devastated. People weren’t to be trusted. Especially not with the shattered pieces of my heart.
I don’t know when I started clinging onto people. I don’t know if it was because of the loneliness, because of being so isolated, or other wise. All I know is that I easily allow myself to rely on people who are not good for me.
I guess it doesn’t matter.
All that matters is guarding the rest of my heart. I don’t want to be taken for granted again.
I don’t want to let anyone in. I never ever want to become attached to anyone else. The risk is never worth the heartbreak. I’m fine on my own.
I tell myself that, but I know in the end I’m just a no good liar.
I couldn’t stop getting attached even if I tried.
The sky is clear today, as if last night had never happened.
Skyler picks me up from my apartment at noon.
He had sent me a text earlier, informing me that there was an event he wanted to bring me to. He also included, that I needed to dress up as formal as possible.
When he arrives at my apartment, Skyler looks like he could be a freaking model. His usually shaggy blonde hair is gelled back. He's wearing a gray suit, with a white shirt under the jacket, and a dark blue tie. He looks like an entirely different person. I like him better as he usually is, but this look isn’t bad either.
Compared to him I'm a hot mess.
After struggling with my dark frizzy hair for almost an hour, I finally decided on smoothing it out as much as possible, and pinning my bangs back. I wear more make up then usual, since I hardly wear makeup as it is. I use foundation and concealer to find my imperfections such as, the dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. I applied black eyeliner and mascara, as well as a little bit of light green eye shadow to make my light brown eyes pop just a little more. I also have put on some pale pink tinted chap-stick rather than lip gloss, to keep my lips from drying out and to add a tiny bit of color.
I wear a dress I had gotten at a thrift store four years prior. Luckily, I’ve always been petite so I still fit in it. It’s a dark green knee length lace dress with ¾ sleeves. It’s not as formal as Skyler, but it’s the nicest thing I have. I pair it with a pair of black flats and a necklace I’ve had since I was ten; a silver chained 20 inch necklace with a period birthstone that hangs down just past the front of my dress. My father, who I have no knowledge of, had bought it for me when I was born. Or at least that's what my mother had told me.
I feel intimidated as I slide into Skyler’s truck.
“You look beautiful.” Skyler gestures, making me feel bit at ease compared to before. I wonder if what he's saying is to comfort me or if he really means it?
I want him to mean it.
I bite my lip slightly before telling him thank you and that he doesn’t look so bad himself.
With that he smiles before pulling out of the parking lot of the apartment complex, and onto the road.
It takes what seems like forever before we pull into a parking lot for a building that looks like some type of fancy reception hall.
As soon as the truck is parked, someone comes towards it. The man is middle aged and slightly resembles Skyler. His hair is darker, but he had the same blue eyes and a similar nose. He starts talking to Skyler as soon as we exit the truck. I can’t exactly make out the words, but the man doesn’t seem thrilled.
Skyler rolls his eyes at the man before bringing me close to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. He turns to look at me. “Risa, this is my father. Frederick SinClare.” He signs. “Dad, this is my friend Klarrisa Lark.” He then adds as he speaks to his dad, though his eyes and lips stay directed towards me.
Why does the word friend disappoint me a little? We are friends after all, so why dies it leave a bad taste in my mouth? Why am I hoping that he would have introduced me differently?
His dad makes a face, but says nothing. I figure maybe the man thinks I'm not good enough for his son.
That would make two of us.
I shake off the feeling as Skyler leads me towards the building, his dad following after.
When we walk in I noticed the huge banners at the front. “Happy 17th Birthday, Skyler.” Birthday. Skyler’s birthday? I hadn’t known. At this moment it strikes me that I didn’t know that much about Skyler. He reads me like a book, but to me he is still a mystery.
There are fancy decorations all over the huge area inside the building, and there are easily hundreds of people dressed up in expensive clothing. I feel out of place and a bit embarrassed. Not only am I under dressed, but I am empty handed. If I had known it was his birthday, I would have at least made him a card or something.
I look around at the crystal chandeliers, the high ceilings, and the decorated walls. Again, just like the times I had been to Skyler’s house, I feel severely out of place.
I notice his dad starts to tug him away. “I’ll be right back.” Skyler gestures. He looked irritated, but it's clear that his irritation isn’t directed at me. As he disappears among the sea of people, I feel helpless.
I let myself linger around the buffet table near the door. After waiting ten, twenty minutes I finally grabbed a plate and start putting different foods that I’ve never seen before on it. I grab a fork and dug in. Once I have finished the plate and have already thrown it away into the trash, an older woman approaches me. She starts to talk extremely fast. I can’t make out the words she is saying at all.
I tilt my head to the side as I say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat what you said?” I ask verbally while signing so she’ll get the fact that I have a hearing problem.
The woman instantly sticks her nose up, turnes away, and stormed off as if I'm not worth the effort of repeating her words.
I continued to linger around, trying to catch sight of Skyler. I can’t see him at all. Finally I decided to look for him. It has been too long for a “be right back”. I want to rescue him from wherever his dad has kidnapped him to.
I walk slowly, but surely as I peek around the throngs of people. Finally I spot a sight I know well, his back and blonde hair. I’d noticed it anywhere. What isn’t familiar to me is the tall brunette who's being flirty, batting her eyelashes and touching Skyler’s shoulder. I can’t see Skyler’s face, but the way the girl seems all over him pisses me off. Who is she? Why is he letting her act like this towards him?
I'm jealous. It isn’t my place to be jealous, but still the sickening feeling clings to my skin and makes me feel like stomping over there, and pulling the girl away from him.
I do make my way over there.
The girl's green eyes seem to light up in amusement, as she says something to Skyler. Skyler turns to look at me. His eyes scan my face. He looks down for a minute before looking back up at me. “Sorry I’ve been taking long. My dad wanted me to greet the guests. I got distracted.” He said, signing to me. I bite my lip, my eyes moving from him and towards the girl. She's gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. What chance do I have if a girl like her was interested in Skyler?
As if reading my mind Skyler’s hands erupt in a furry of gestures as he steps away from the girl. “Risa this is Gina Polazi. She’s the daughter of my dad’s business partner. She was asking me about how I’m adjusting to Florida.” He tells me.
Gina gives me a fake smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Rita.” She says, purposely getting my name wrong.
I hate when people do that. It's a bit insulting. “It’s Risa.” I correct her.
“So Reese, how do you know Skyler?” She asks, again with getting my name wrong. “You’re not his girlfriend are you?” She then questions, her face twisting into a look as if it would be so horrible if I am.
“We’re just friends.” Skyler corrects instantly. I feel that sting of disappointment again. Friends? Why does that words bother me so much? I can’t quite figure it out.
Gina seems pleased by Skyler’s answer. She inches closer to him again. I feel angry looking at that smug face of hers.
I look away from Gina, directing my attention at Skyler. “I’m out of here. Thanks for bringing me. Happy Birthday. Have fun with Greeta.” I gestured with a bitter look on my face, as I gave Gina a taste of her medicine.
I then turn around and rush towards the front door. I only make it half way before I feel someone grab my arm and pull me towards them. Skyler turns me to face him. He looks upset and confused. “What’s wrong?” He mouths.
I shake my head at him, not wanting to answer.
I look around for a moment noticing that there are people staring at us.
“Risa, tell me.” He gestures.
I let out a huff before moving my hands quickly. “I’m not comfortable here. I can’t understand anyone. That smug bitch was all over you and you didn’t care. Also, I’m realizing that I know next to nothing about you. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t-” He cuts me off by grabbing my hands and pulling me close.
His lips quickly press against mine. It takes me a moment to process it before I start to kiss him back urgently. My whole body feels like it's on fire; my heart starts to flutter. We pull away after a couple of minutes. I'm breathing heavily, as is Skyler. We stare at each other for a while before I break eye contact.
I look around to see everyone staring at us with looks of shock, confusion, and disgust.
Skyler grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. “Come on, let’s go.” He mouths.
We both run out of the building before anyone can stop us. We keep running until we get to his truck. Skyler’s dad is rushing out the building screaming something. Skyler pays no attention as he starts up the vehicle. He then quickly pulls out of the parking lot and speeds down the road leaving his birthday party behind.
Skyler is choosing me over all these rich people coming to celebrate his birthday? I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel a bit special.
He drive me home. I invited him inside which he doesn’t protest.
I have him wait in the living room before I go into my room to grab something. I come back out to see that Skyler has made himself comfortable on the couch. He has taken off the jacket of his suit, loosened his tie, and ruffled his gelled hair. I sit down next to him, giving him the folded piece of paper I had gone into my room to grab. “It’s not much, but happy birthday.” I tell him.
He takes the paper from me, unfolding it q.uickly
His eyes seem to dance with emotion as he looks at my drawing. A few days ago I had gotten inspiration. I had sketched and colored in a picture of Skyler and me at the beach after he had saved me from drowning. The me on the paper is soaked and sitting up. The Skyler on the paper stands before her looking handsome with hair plastered to his forehead. A glowing aura illuminated around the sketch of Skyler. On the bottom I had scrawled “Thank you for always being my savior”.
He seems in awe. “Thank you.” He replies before setting the drawing on the coffee table. He then pulls me onto his lap. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, bringing you to my birthday party like that. It wasn’t my intention to make you upset.” He adds after a pause.
“It’s okay.” I mouth as I rest my hands on his shoulders.
We stare at each other for a long time. I almost don’t notice how our faces seem to grow closer with every second. Our foreheads touch first. Then I press my lips softly against his, craving that feeling I had gotten when we had kissed before. I need that burning sensation and the fluttery feeling on my heart. It makes me feel alive.
Skyler obliges as he kisses me back. He's gentle at first, but the longer we kissed the rougher and more frenzied it turns into. Little pecks are now transformed into the biting of lips and deep kisses. It feels even more thrilling then it had before.
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” I think to myself as we pull back to breathe.
After catching our breaths, he pulled me back in for another passionate kiss.
Instantly I know that I have become completely and entirely attached to Skyler. He has me wrapped around his finger.