Chapter 24: Why Is "Love" So Confusing?
I turn to see Silas standing there with an expression fit to kill.
Holy cow that scared me. Luckily I have my seat belt still on or else I probably would have fell out.
Silas quickly leans over me, shoving Levi slightly so Levi isn’t so close to me. “What do you think you’re doing?” He snaps out.
I almost answer that it’s not what he thinks, but close my mouth once I realize that his question is directed towards Levi.
Before Levi even has a chance to respond, Silas undoes my seat belt. He then picks me up the same way as he did yesterday.
I cling to him just like then or perhaps even more so since his temper seems bad and I’m still terrified of the fact that if he really wanted to he could probably just drop me.
“If you keep just picking her up like that I’m going to get really mad.” I hear Levi’s voice along with the opening and slamming of the truck’s door.
Silas ignores him as he carries me towards the front porch of my house. I peek up to see Levi slowly following after us with my crutches in hand.
“I’m the one who’s going to get really mad.” Silas mutters quietly enough that I’m pretty sure Levi can’t hear him. “I can’t leave you guys alone together anymore.”
His words make me suddenly feel embarrassed. “Silas,” I murmur out as I tilt my head to the side so I can peer at him from beneath my eyelashes
Silas’ eyes instantly lock with mine. “Don’t look at me like that with your face all flushed, Rin.” His tone sound a bit harsh but the look in his eyes is the opposite. “It makes it seem like I’m being played with.”
Once again, I feel a stinging pain in my chest. I advert my eyes from his.
Why do I feel guilty even though I haven’t technically done anything wrong?
Silas stops as he reaches the front porch. “By the way, you owe me once again. Since you took so long to get home I managed to get rid of today’s hateful note from your mailbox.” He says as he continues to hold me in his arms as Levi still slowly makes his way towards us.
I mentally curse myself. How could I forget about the notes I’ve been receiving everyday? It would have been bad if Silas hadn’t retrieve it for me.
I want to thank him but before I can completely get the words out Silas starts to talk over me. “If you want to thank me then go on a date with me Friday after school.”
Excuse me? What?
My head spins, unable to keep up with everything that’s happened so far today.
“I don’t think that’s a fair thing for you to ask me to do.” I manage to say, trying to keep my voice from being too loud even though I feel like screaming right now.
“You know what’s also unfair?” Silas pauses for a second as if waiting for me to respond. I shake my head slightly. He then continue speaking, “You let Levi get so close to you but when I try you push me away or hit me. You act like he’s some great guy but you treat me like I’m a scumbag even though I’m the one who loves you the most.”
Just as he finished speaking, Levi catches up to us. Silas puts me down, holding onto me while Levi helps position my crutches.
Silas’ eyes are gentle as they look at me but as I watch his eyes glance towards Levi I can see the softness fade away and an intense glare take over.
Levi doesn’t even look at Silas. His eyes just stay on me.
For a moment we stand awkwardly on my front porch. The tension between are of us is overwhelming.
Levi and I kissed and Silas wants to go on a date...
How on earth did we reach this point?
Does this make me a player? I don’t want to be a player. The only thing I know how to play in the first place is video games and this is nothing like a video game because if it was I’d save the current data and then restart the entire day.
Finally the awkwardness ends when my mom opens the door yelling at me to get inside and for Levi and Silas to go home.
My mom is a petite dainty looking woman but she’s scary enough to make any person quiver in fear. I’m quick to get inside. Levi and Silas are still standing there when my mom slams the door shut.
Later when it’s late into the night I lay bundled up in the covers of my bed unable to fall asleep. I stare pointlessly at the ceiling as I think about everything that’s happened today.
Levi and Silas’ words from before swirl over anad over again in my head, tormenting me.
“Rin, I really love you.”
“-even though I’m the one who loves you the most.”
I pull my pillow out from under my head, cover it over my face, and let out a muffled scream of frustration.
I’m really beginning to hate that word. “Love”... How is that it seems like everyone else is able to say it so easily while I still can’t bring myself to even begin to realize what those words mean?
To me love has always been a platonic thing, so the more it’s used in a romantic sense the more I feel like I’m stuck in limbo unable to truly understand how I feel right now.If I wasn’t already confused before then I definitely am after today.