Chapter 27: Do You Get It Now?
While in the elevator I notice that Silas is carrying a white plastic bag. He wasn’t carrying it before when we were still in the arcade
I’m curious as to what’s in the bag but because things already seem awkward I don’t dare to ask about it.
When we reach the second level I follow Silas to the little frozen yogurt shop that’s a few shops down to the right of where the elevators are located.
After entering the shop, he hands me a large sized paper cup. “Get all the toppings you want.” He says before grabbing a smaller sized paper cup for himself.
I actually don’t like yogurt in any form but what I do like it all the varieties of different types of toppings there are. I load my cup full with a scoop of just about every topping available; my cup fills to the top with a variety of chocolates, fruit, nuts, candies, and so on.
Silas meets me at the register with what looks like strawberry frozen yogurt covered in a thin layer of white chocolate chips and almond slices.
He pays for his frozen yogurt and my cup of toppings. He also buys a bottle of water as well. He then leads us to a small table towards the front corner of the store.
While I’m picking through my cup of toppings, Silas puts the plastic bag on the table and slides it towards me. “I didn’t want the tickets we earned from playing arcade games to go to waist so I just picked out some random stuff. There’s nothing fancy but I thought you’d still like it.” He says in between spoon fulls of frozen yogurt.
I eye the bag suspiciously at first before peeking inside.
There’s quite the assortment of different novelty prizes. There’s a handful of temporary tattoos and stickers, a small tube of bubbles, a few pastel colored jelly bracelets, a plastic lizard toy, a small hippo plush key chain, a bright blue bouncy ball, a whistle, a mini rubik's cube, a green rubber ducky, a small colorful slinky, a slap on bracelet with a keyboard design, and some other things.
“This is all mine?” I ask in disbelief.
I pop an M&M in my mouth as I take a better look at the many contents in the bag. Of course I can’t help but feel drawn to the slap on bracelet that has a keyboard design on it. It might be a bit tacky and childish but I still like it.
As I smack it onto my wrist, I end up recalling how I smacked Silas earlier.
He has such a fair skin color so his face is still red in the area where my hand had made contact.
Feeling a bit guilty, I learn forward to get a better look at it. “Does it hurt?” Without waiting for him to respond I end up brushing my fingers against the skin just slightly to the side of the medium sized red mark on his left cheek.
Silas flinches slightly as moves his head back away from my hand.
At first I feel hurt by this reaction but to be fair I guess it’s my own fault since I’m the one who hurt him more.
It bothers me. It shouldn’t bother me and I don’t want it to bother me but it does.
I can't take this at all.
I grabbed the bag of prizes and my half eaten cup full of various delicious goodies as I get up from my chair.
Without saying a word I leave the shop.
I hear Silas call my name but I don’t look back, I just keep walking as I munch on the contents in my cup.
Confident in the fact that he’s following after me, I head towards the elevator.
I press the arrow down button. As I wait for the elevator door to open, Silas catches up to me with the plastic spoon from his frozen yogurt still hanging out of his mouth.
“What are you doing?” He asked after pulling the spoon from his mouth. He sounds on edge, probably because I just got up without saying anything however I did that on purpose with a plan in mind.
As I make my way out of the mall Silas keeps questioning what’s going on. “Keys.” I say as I walk towards the car.
“Why would I give you the keys? I didn’t ask to take my mom’s car but that doesn’t mean I want you and your disastrous driving skills to run in into a tree or ditch.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not going to drive it. We’re not driving anywhere right now. So just shut up and give me the keys before I grab them out of your pocket myself.”
At my words Silas let out a long sigh before reaching into the pocket of his shorts and fishing his eyes out. He hesitantly hands them over to me.
I instantly unlock the car and get into the driver’s seat.
“I thought you said you weren’t driving?” Silas sounds panicked but he quickly gets into the passengers seat anyways.
I toss the keys towards Silas and I place my nearly finished cup of toppings in the cup holder. “I’m not. I just wanted to sit in the drivers seat for once...”
Silas gives me a blank stare. “Okay... So what are we doing then?” He questions skeptically.
I make sure to turn so I’m sitting side ways in the seat, fully facing towards him. I lean forward a bit as I say without hesitation, “Hit me.”
Silas’ eyes widen. “What did you just say?”
Without missing a beat I reply, “I said, hit me.”
Silas shakes his head at me like he cant believe that he heart me right from the start. He slowly says, “Are you out of your mind?”
Am I out of my mind? Yeah, I might be.
“Maybe.” I mumble.
It’s silent for a moment before he final speaks. “Look, I know you think I’m some pervert or something but I’m not into this kind of thing. I rather stick my hand in a garbage disposal than to hit you.”
I blink. What is he going on about?
I can’t help but let out a groan in frustration. Why isn’t he understating what I’m trying to say?
“It’s fine. Just hit me right on the side of my face like I did to you then that way we’ll be even.” I decide to explain to him.
Again it’s silent for a moment.
Silas narrows his eyes at me. “No. This isn’t about being even. I’m not going to hit you. Ever. So just stop.”
I start to grow even more frustrated. Even though I explained it why is he still not understanding? “Then if you’re not going to hit me then at least get angry! Yell at me! Call me the worst or tell me I’m a bitch and you hate me!” Without meaning to my voice gets loud and a bit more high pitch then usual.
“I can’t lash out at you or do any of those things because I’m not angry at you. I’m only angry at myself. I made it seem like I was giving you a choice but to be honest I would have probably kissed you even if you did leave the booth within ten seconds. So I deserved it.” Silas’ voice is raised slightly as well thought not nearly as loud as mine had been.
His words should piss me off but instead they just make me even sadder.
“Just do something because the more you act calm and like nothing happened the more crazy guilty I feel. I mean you won’t even touch my hand or let me touch your face now so you must really hate me so I rather you vent your anger on me than for you to keep it inside.” By the end of my words my voice starts to quiet and tears begin to drip down my face.
What is wrong with me? I don’t know why I’m crying or why I feel so hurt and frustrated right now. I just know that I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
It’s lonely and painful and I can only imagine Silas feels this way all the time because of me which only makes me feel even worse.
Silas looked taken aback by my tears. I know he hates crying. I don’t mean to make him more uncomfortable but these stupid tears just won’t stop.
“Rin, don’t cry. It’s only because I realized I don’t want to force you to hold my hand and I felt like I didn’t deserve your concern which is why I didn’t let you touch my face.” His deep voice conveys a rumble of sadness that mirrors my own.
He reaches his hands out towards me, pauses for a moment, but then finally allows himself to brush his thumbs under my eyes trying to wipe my tears. His voice is gentle as he says, "I keep pushing my feelings onto you and even though I know you hate me I don’t know how to stop.”
"I don't hate you." I want to say those words to him but for some reason when I open my mouth to speak I can't.
I try again, but no sound comes out other than from me crying.
If I can't say it I should at least try to convey it in another way.
Without giving it much thought I take a hold on his hands, moving them away from my face. I then lean off until I'm practically against in the passengers seat closing the distance between, brushing my lips against his.
I don't hate you, Silas. Do you get it now?