Chapter 31: This Is Why I'm Clueless About Romance
I’m in the passenger seat of one of the vehicles and the other twin is driving behind us but is on the phone with me with the speakerphone function on.
I’m suddenly question every one of the life decision I’ve made so far as I hear Silas’ voice over the phone say, “We should have done best two out of three.”
“Doesn’t matter. I still would have won even if we did best two out of three since you’re too easy to read.” Levi says loudly as he keeps his eyes focused on the road.
Yes, that’s right. I’m currently riding in Levi’s truck while Silas follows behind in their mom’s car. He kept calling me phone to the point I finally just answered it in which Levi made me put in on speaker phone.
Worst of all this fate was determined by one single game of rock, paper, scissors as suggested by my dumb self.
“I seriously should have tried harder to hitchhike.” I grumbled under my breath.
By the time we make it home I have a headache and am annoyed and exhausted beyond believe since Silas and Levi kept bickering like kids over the phone the whole drive.
After arriving at the house Levi helps me down from the truck even though I don’t really need him to. Silas hands me the bag with the arcade prizes in it. He then sneaks his hand into my back pocket when Levi isn’t looking.
“Hey!-” I try to protest, but Silas shushes me.
“It’s a present but only look at it once you’re in your room, okay?” He says.
I give him a suspicious look, however I nod my head anyways.
They both then walk me to the front door even though it’s not necessary. Once I’m inside my house I can see from the front window as they walk the short distance next door to their own house.
I’m not inside for long before my mom’s by my side telling me that I’m back a little earlier than she thought I would be and to come sit at the table while she heats up the left overs from dinner.
As I sit at the dinner table, I feel awkward having my parents sit with me even though I’m the only one with food since they had already eaten before I had gotten home.
As I nibble on Spanish rice and fried pork casserole, I can’t help but sneak glances at my parents as they sit comfortable next to each other, smiling and talking about mundane events.
A question pops up in my head.
I don’t mean to ask it out loud but I guess I have trouble keeping my thoughts to myself as I blurt out in between bites, “How do you know if you love someone or not? Like actually love someone... in a romantic sense?”
My father’s eyes widen and he sits up as straight as he can as he started to look around the dinning room area as if in sudden defense mode. “Love? What do you mean? Love who? Love What? What romantic sense? Oh, no. You’re not allowed to experience that until you’re forty, Mija.”
I stare blankly at him. “But Papa, what if someone says they love me?”
My father stands up quickly. “Did someone say that to you? Who? Where? When? How old? I’ll straighten them out, just give me a name.”
At first I think he’s joking but by the expression on his face I realize I should wisely word my next sentence. “... Um, let’s just say it’s a hypothetical question.”
My mom sighs as she puts her hand over my father’s. “Honey, you’ll rile up your blood pressure if you act like that. I think you should go to the bedroom and relax for a bit.”
It’s clear she’s trying to get my father to leave the table so she can talk to me alone.
My dad opens his mouth like he’s going to argue but then quickly shuts it as soon as my mom gives him the look.
Her gaze isn’t even directed at me, however I still shudder since I know well that look means to do what she says and don’t ask questions unless you want to be in trouble.
Defeated, my father says nothing more as he walks off to go upstairs.
Once he’s gone my mom turns to look at me with a much softer expression then the one she aimed towards the father. “My little sunshine has someone who has finally realized her charm?” She says cheerfully.
Well, that’s a complete 180 from my father’s reaction.
“No, I mean yes. I mean... maybe. Hypothetically, what if a guy you’ve known for a long time confess to you and you don’t take it seriously but then things happen and you realize it’s serious? Actually, what if it’s more than one guy?” With each word my voice seems to get quieter and quieter as I feel embarrassed to even ask something like this to my mom.
I’ve never been interested in romance so it feels awkward to mention something like this with her.
My mom seems interested though, as if shes’ been waiting all these past seventeen years of my life to finally have this conversation. “Oh my. Not just one boy? More than one? My baby has become so surprisingly popular.” Her tone sounds so proud.
“I said it was hypothetical.” I murmur as I stare at the almost empty plate in front of me.
“Okay, so hypothetically my baby is growing up so fast and attracting all the boys just like her mama.” She coos out.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes because I’m not about to disrespect my mom like that, but oh how I now wish I never asked if the first place. “Mama, that’s not the point.” I sigh.
“So some boys said they love you and you’re asking how do you know when you love someone because you’re not sure how to feel, correct?” My mom then says, her tone suddenly becoming more serious.
She asks the one question I hope she wouldn’t, “Do you like one of them?”
“... I don’t know.” I answer honestly. “I mean, I like them as friends. Again, this is hypothetical when I say this. One of them makes me feel safe and comfortable to the point that I can’t imagine not having him in my life. The other one annoys me to no end but I can’t just leave him alone either for some reason since I still seem to value him as an important person despite everything I’ve been through because of him. Still, I don’t understand what the difference between friendship and romance?”
I decide it’s best not to say it’s the twins next door or to my mom that I actually have kissed both of them more than once at this point in time and still feel confused.
My mom smiles gently as she gets up from her chair and walks around to the other side of the table where I’m sitting. She ruffles my hair with her hand. “I feel like you already know the answer to your question but that you just don’t want to admit it yet.” She tells me softly. “I’m going up to bed. Put your plate in the sink when you’re done.” She then says before starting to walk away.
I sit there for a moment reflecting on what she said. I already know the answer but don’t want to admit it yet? How is that possible when I still feel so confused? What is she understanding that I seem to be missing?
After a moment I put my plate in the sink before going up stairs to late a long well earned shower to help put my mind at ease.