Chapter 38: Ruined Like My Sweater
My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket. My handshakes as I pull it out.Silas’ name flashes across the screen.
Without thinking I accept the call.
As soon as I put the phone near my ear I hear him start to speak, “Hey, we’re about to go on in a minute but I just wanted to hear your voice one last time first.”
I hold my hand over my mouth as I try to stop the shaky sobs from coming out.
In the background Levi continues to bang on the door so I move away from it.
“Rin? Are you there? Is something wrong?” His tone is laced with worry.
I move my hand. I don’t trust myself to speak right now but I try my best to stop crying and to speak as steadily as I can. “I’m okay, but I’m sorry I don’t think I can watch you play. Something came up so I really need to leave now.” Despite my best efforts my voice shakes at first and then cracks near the end.
“Where are you?” Silas asks instantly. “I’ll come find you right now.”
I almost want to tell him but the last thing I want is to ruin his night. “I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. Just play your show. I’m going to just Uber home or something.” My voice is less shaky this time but still weak sounding as if it’ll break at any moment.
“Forget the snow! Rin, tell me where you are right now!” He loudly snaps. “If you don’t tell me then I will tear this place apart looking for you.”
I flinch knowing that he’s dead serious. He will absolutely destroy this place if I don’t tell him where I am.
“Bathroom.” I say barely above a whisper.
As soon as I utter that one word he hangs up.
My legs begin to shudder and start to want to give out probably due to all the stress, anxiety, sadness, and fear that I feel all at once. I move to lean against the counter of the sink.
The appearance I had dubbed earlier as plain but good enough has contorted into an absolute mess with thick black lines of eyeliner and mascara running down from my eyes past my checks, past my chin, and down my neck even staining the top edges of my sweater.
I tear my sweater off, not caring how it lands on the bathroom floor. I then turn on the faucet and start scrubbing at my face and neck trying to get rid of the evidence. It lightens but doesn’t completely go away and causes my skin to look just as red and irritated as my eyes.
The banging on the door continues still, causing my head in pound.
I move to unlock the door and watch as it almost instantly swings open.
Levi stands in the doorway looking pale and upset.
His eyes are red and swollen too as if he was crying. “Rin, I don’t know all of what you heard but let me explain. It’s obviously a misunderstanding. I swear.” He sounds sincere but at this point I can’t tell if he’s being real with me or if he’s just saying what he thinks I want to hear.
Anger starts to rise in me, rising past all the other mixed up emotions I feel right now even past the sadness and fear. “Did you ask that girl and her friends to but nasty letters in my family’s mailbox? Did you ask them to bully me? Did you pretend like you didn’t know what was going on even though you fully knew just what I was going through this whole time?!” My whole body shakes and my voice wavers and stays quiet almost like I’m whispering.
He starts to shake his head. “No, no, no. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. Rin, believe me. You know I would never ever do anything to hurt you, right? You’re my best friend. You’re the girl I love. I’m begging you not to jump to conclusions based on what you thought you heard.” He rambles out but his eyes don’t meet mine as he talks.
He reaches his hand out towards me as if he’s going to touch my face. I dodge.
“I don’t want to see you or talk to you right now so just go away.”
He reaches out again but this time before i can dodge he always has his arms wrapped around my shoulders and is pulling me close to him. I can feel his heartbeat as if he’s nervous and his chest is heaving slightly as if he’s crying or about to cry. “Please don’t say that. Don’t think irrationally. Remember, you said that I’m not that type of person. You know I could never intentionally do anything bad that would work someone, right? You said it yourself this morning. Unless you were lying about that this morning then please don’t tell me to go away.”
I feel physically sick. Part of me wants to give in and hug him back and believe in what he’s saying despite my better judgement. I can’t do it. Right now I just can’t. Despite feeling weak and unstable right now I manage the strength to push him away from me.
“Rin,” He starts to speak but before he can say another word I slap him across the face.
As he presses his hand to the side of his face he looks as shocked as I feel right now.
I’ve never purposely hit him before.
It hurts me and not only physically.
An announcement that on short notice the band will not be playing due to technical issues sounds over the speakers.
Just as soon as the announcement ends I can make out Silas darting towards us.
He glances between Levi and I. He doesn’t ask any questions before grabbing Levi by the collar of his shirt. “What did you do now?” He practically growls.
The people standing near the bathrooms start to stare by now. I hold my head down feeling insecure and shameful even though I’ve done nothing wrong.
I hate this. I really hate this.
“Silas, stop.” I murmured quietly as I take a step towards him, grabbing tightly onto his sleeve and giving a tug. I feel as if I’m about to start crying all over again."I want to go home." After speaking I finally peer up to look at Silas. At first his eyes are intense as they seem to be still directed towards his brother, but then they soften as he looks towards me.
He lets go of Levi before moving to unbutton his button down shirt. He then drapes it over my shoulders. "Let's go. I drove my mom's car here. It's parked in the back."
I nod as we move to leave.
We barely take a few steps before I feel something grab my arm.
"Wait," Levi says.
Silas snatches his hand, removing it from my arm. "I don't know what's going on but don't fucking touch her." He hisses out. He gives Silas another shove before he wraps his arm around my shoulder, quickly leading us away.
Once we get to the car I curl up in the passengers seat.
Feeling emotionally drained all I can do is close my eyes and let myself drift away from this mess that I can't seem to deal with right now.