Chapter 40: When I Thought Things Couldn't Get Worse
When morning comes I don’t have the energy to force myself to get up. It’s not until morning merges into noon that I’m finally able to step foot out of my bed.
After brushing my teeth and taking a nice long hot shower, I retreat back into my room. I get nice and comfy in a oversized sweatshirt and a pair of leggings before bundling up in my bed.
Usually my mom would come in and make me get up out of my room for being too lazy but I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m sick. She kept coming in my room last night to check on me and even would press her hand to my forehead to check my temperature like she did when I was a kid.
I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’m not sick, just heartbroken.
I honestly would have never thought I’d feel like this way because of Levi. He’s the last person who I thought would make me feel like this, but I guess friends can break your heart too...
My phone keeps chiming so I turn the sound off since I already know Levi has tried to text and call me like a hundred times and I’m not ready to face him again
I feel tired again despite sleeping on and off for hours now. As I pull the covers of my head I try to convince myself that I’ll wake up and be more productive next time I open my eyes.
After what seems like a long span of dreamless darkness I start to stir as I feel a cool hand on my forehead.
Mom is checking on me again... I don’t want her to worry.
I keep my eyes closed because I don’t want to open them just yet because I just want to stay like this not asleep but not tiredly willing to be awake.
“I’m okay, mom.” I murmur out tiredly as I reach up to place my hand over hers. Except when I place my hand over hers I realize the hand is too big and rough to be hers.
My eyes instantly open wide. Silas’s face is leaned close to mine.
I scream out in shock but because my voice is so hoarse it barely comes out and just hurts my throat instead. I wince as I push Silas back a bit so I can sit up.
“Why are you here?” I ask.
Silas shrugs his shoulders as he sits at the edge of my bed. “You don’t seem to be checking your phone and I wanted to make sure you’re okay. Your mom had to go run errands anyways and said you’ve been sick sleeping all day. She asked me to keep an eye on you while she’s out.”
I love my mom but does she ever stop to think how dangerous it could be to leave me sleeping alone with Silas in the house?
My face must be giving away my thoughts because Silas glares before snapping, “Whatever you’re thinking about me I assure you I was not planning to do anything to you in your sleep you weirdo. I may be a pervert but I’m not that type of pervert.”
I try to roll my eyes but my eyes are so irritated that all I can manage in an eye twitch at this point.
When I initially opened my eyes I barely looked at Silas, but now glancing at him I begin to notice bruising on the left side of his face.
Instantly I’m touching the side of his face as I lean closer trying to get a better look. “Why are you bruised like this?”
“Nothing,” Silas mumbles as he moves my hands from his face. This action causes my attention to go to his left hand. His knuckles are busted and bruised.
It takes me a second to connect the dots. “Did you fight?” I try to grade his hand but he dodges. “Silas, did you fight with Levi?” I can’t help but ask, my voice breaking slightly as I say his brother’s name.
Silas’ jaw clenches as he turns his head so only the right side of his face is facing me so I can’t see the bruises on the other side. He also moves his hands away to shove them in the pockets of the hoodie he’s wearing. “I’ve been wanting an excuse to punch him for awhile now but just kept letting it go, but this time I couldn’t let it go. Just because we’re twins doesn’t mean I will hesitate to give him a well deserved beating if he deserves it and in this case he more than deserved it.” He sounds angry though I know his anger isn’t towards me.
I shake my head to him. “Looks more like he gave you a beating rather than you beating him.” I point out.
Silas rolls his eyes at me. “Trust me, he looks just as bad as I do right now if not worse.” He grumbles. “Anyways, enough about that. How are you feeling?” He asks as he now turns to face me fully, no longer caring that my swollen and worried eyes keep analyzing the bruising on his left side.
Is he really worried about me when his face looks so painful like this? “Miserable. I feel miserable, but it mistakes me feel even worse that you’re getting yourself hurt like this because of me.” My voice cracks and I feel the stinging feeling of tears starting to well up at the corners of my eyes. I hold them back though, refusing to cry again. “Who asked you to go and beat him up and get yourself all beat up in the process?” I swat at his shoulders now, not hard enough to hurt him but hard enough for him to pay attention to what I’m saying.
He allows be to lightly smack the palms of my hands against him for a moment before he seems to have enough and seizes my wrists, wrapping his hands so effortlessly around them before instantly halting my movements.
“So you’re going to beat me up for getting beat up?” Silas asks in a tone that sounds more entertained than annoyed as if he’s enjoying the moment. “How does that make any sense?” He then questions in a whisper as he moves his face close to mine.
I pout as I stare him right in the eyes. “Because I don’t need you to be going around causing trouble or getting hurt. I also don’t want you hurting Levi. Regardless of the situation he’s your brother and he’s my best friend... or at least I thought he was.” I let out a sigh as I look away before continuing to speak again, “It doesn’t matter because my point is that beating him up isn’t the solution nor will it fix anything. I didn’t tell you about it so you could fight him for me. I need to take time to think about how I’m going to handle this and I need to do it on my own. I’m hurting a lot right now but that doesn’t mean I want anyone else to hurt too.”
Silas uses his firm but gentle grip on my wrists to move my hands to rest of his shoulders. “And here I thought you would say something sassy like how only you’re allowed to beat me up.” He teases.
I glance at him from beneath my eyelashes. “Don’t be so cliche while I’m trying to be serious.” I muttered out.
He lets out a small rumble of laughter for a moment before appearing more serious. “Sometimes I really hate the side of you that’s like this that puts other’s first even those who wrong you or how you rather suffer on your own than let others suffer with you. I really hate it.” He let out a soft sigh immediately after speaking.
His left hand leaves my wrist before I feel his fingers caress my hair. I can’t help but close my eyes as I feel comforted by his gentle touch.
He starts to speak again. “It’s not like I planned to hit Levi, but as soon as he got home he was begging me to take the blame saying it was all a misunderstanding. I couldn’t take it especially knowing that you were probably in your room at that moment crying your eyes out more because of that bastard and yet he was only caring about himself and how to shift the blame from himself rather than caring about the fact that you were hurting because of him. It has been a long time coming anyways. I should have fought with him long ago but I just let me make me out the bad guy while he played the hero role. I won’t make that mistake again. Not this time.”
Something in his words stands out to me. “What do you mean won’t make that mistake again? What are you talking about?” I question as I open my eyes now, focusing my attention fully on Silas.Silas's jaw tenses before he speaks, "I’ve been hesitating because I thought it was better off to just leave it alone and let you continue to entirely blame me for what happened, but now I see that was wrong. I need to tell you the truth about what happened during our last year of middle school."