Chapter 45: One Side Happy, One Side Uneasy
“Me too. I think I do too...”
Did those words really just come out of my mouth?
Silas seems just as surprised as I do.
His hold on my waist loosens. “Huh?” He rumbles out as he peers up at me with those pretty green eyes that lately seem to try to swallow me up and not let me go.
“Nothing.” I mumble out as I try to avoid that hypnotic gaze of his.
One of his arms stays loosely around my waist as the other one travels up to lightly tough my chin, gently turning my face towards his.
His face is dangerously close to mine now. “Say it again.” He breathes out.
This mothertrucker... He definitely heard me the first time.
I feel the urge to want to push him again until I notice the smirk tugging at his lips.
He’s playing with me right now, isn’t he? He thinks I’ll stay flustered and won’t say it again. Fine. If he wants me to say it again then I will.
“I said, me too. I think I do too.” I deadpan as I stare him straight in the eyes giving him the best poker face I can imagine.
Even though I try to keep myself from looking visibly flustered or embarrassed, on the inside my heart is beating so fast and my stomach feels like it’s flipping over and over again.
Silas looks surprised again but something in his eyes seem to change as his smirk grows more. “You too? You think you do too? What? What is that you’re saying, Rin?” He whispers out almost tauntingly as he tilts his head to the side with a pseudo innocent expression crossing his features.
I hate him. Okay, I don’t hate him. More like I can’t stand him. I can’t stand him because I know that he’s always the one leading me no matter what. Am I really this wrapped around his finger? When did this happen? Why am I just noticing it now?
He’s expecting me to push him away or punch his shoulder. I can just tell. I know him well enough to know that he wants me to say it but he doesn’t actually think I will.
I take a deep breath because even I’m unsure if I can really do this. “I think... I love you too. I love you so much it... it hurts...” I start out strong but my voice gradually starts to fade and shake.
Why is it so hard saying this? “Happy now?” I then say, trying to push him again now.
Silas holds me close though, not allowing me to escape his arms as they wrap firmly around my waist again. “Yes, so happy. You can’t even begin to understand how happy that makes me.” His voice is low and shaky now.
As he holds me I can feel his heart against my chest beating just as much as mine is now.
I’m tense at first but then I relax in his arms and return his hug.
After several minutes of silently holding onto each other I finally ask quietly, “When are you going to let go?”
“Never.” He replies.
He does eventually let go though. When he does next thing I know I’m sitting all the way back on my bed with my back pressed against the wall, one of his hands is against the wall next to my head as the other one touches the side of my face as he kisses me.
My head feels like it’s spinning and I can’t keep up with all these emotions or with the way he moves his lips against mine.
I feel his fingers dip slightly under my shirt, barely grazing the skin right above my shorts. Like snapping back to reality, I lightly push him again.
I’m out of breath but he seems just fine.
“You okay?” He asked gently as he scoots back a little to give em space.
I nod slightly. “Yeah... It’s just a little fast for me.” I admit sheepishly.
Silas sighs as he runs a hand through his shaggy locks. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to go too fast. I just- I just was too excited I guess.” His voice lowers at the last couple of words and he shifts slightly.
I blink. Too excited? It takes me a moment to realize what he means. My face must be absolutely red just thinking about it. “Don’t say it like that!” I squeak out as I move to grab a pillow before swatting him with it.
Silas chuckles loudly as he dodges my attempts to smack him with the pillow. “Calm down. I was only kidding.” He says, but the sly look on his face tells me that he wasn’t completely kidding.
“Get out.” I mumble.
He grabs the pillow from me, pulling it effortlessly out of my hands. “Don’t be like that, Rin.” He coos out soothingly before leaning in to press his lips against my forehead.
I lightly smack him with my hand. Not hard enough to hurt or even hard enough to do have any time of impact. It’s more like a tap. “I really can’t stand you.” I mutter out.
He grins as he takes the hand that just lightly smacked his shoulder and brings it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand now and the pressing another to my wrist as he turns my hand over. “You say such cold things but he both know you have a soft spot towards me even if you rarely admit it.” He murmured against my skin causing me to shudder slightly under the touch.
I feel his lips curl up before he places another kiss on my wrist. He then lets go of my hand. He leans closer to me again until his lips as right next to my left ear.
“Don’t forget that you said you love me too.” He reminds me.
He leans back to look at me with that boyish expression that never ceases to make my heart stop every time I see it.
“Don’t make me regret those words, Silas.” I say before pressing my lips to his.
An hour later I’m walking Silas towards the front door, his hand holding on mine with his fingers intertwined.
When we reach the door he doesn’t seem to want to let go. “You’ll be my girlfriend, right?” He asks sounding unusually nervous as if he’s worried I’ll say no.
I roll my eyes but can’t help but smile. “Duh.”
He leans in to kiss me just one last time. Just then the door opens.
I unlock my hand from his as I push him away.
“Hey, mom!” I say a little too loudly as my mom stands in the door way giving me a suspicious look.
Silas hurries out the door after muttering a greeting to my mom.
I try to sneak up stairs but my mom follows after me. At first she looks stern but then he face breaks out in a smile.
“My baby is growing up so fast! Oh my. I always knew you were going to end up with one of those boys. I thought it would be Levi, but Silas is fine too.” She chatters out.
My heart drops at the mention of Levi.
My mom doesn't know about the situation with Levi and I don't think I can ever tell her, but it still hurts hearing her say something like that.
Levi and I together?
I feel tears well up in my eyes as my hear hurts just thinking about it.
That's not possible.
Even now I still don't know where Levi and I stand.
Why did he have to do and do the things he did?
I don't understand.
I should be feeling happy but now with just those words from my mom I'm suddenly overwhelmed with an uneasy feeling.