Chapter 49: Healthy Conversation
I missed the last three days of school and was prohibited from leaving my bed other than to use the bathroom.
I’m pretty sure I was well enough to go to school yesterday but my parents are overprotective. My mom said I wasn’t allowed to leave until my temperature is a consistent 98.9 degrees Fahrenheit or less for at least twenty-four hours. This morning I’m officially twenty-four hours fever free.
Fortunately for me I’m now considered recovered but it’s a Saturday so I get to enjoy my weekend all fine and healthy.
Unfortunately for me, Silas so graciously shows up at my house at 11 am with the three days worth of schoolwork that I missed.
I figure my mom wouldn’t let Silas alone in my room with me (other than when I was sick) once she realized we were dating, however she doesn’t even bat an eyelash when I say we are going to study and do homework in my room.
My dad on the other hand as expected isn’t as cool with it. At first he says no, but my mom gave him a glare and told him to knock it off so he reluctantly agrees. However, as Silas and I walk up the stairs he yells out as if in one last attempt of protest, “Mija, keep the door open! Just yell out if I need to come up there and beat some sense into him with my work boots.”
“Is your dad serious about beating me with his shoes if you call out to him?” Silas whispers as we reach the top of the stairs.
I don’t even hesitate to nod. “Dead serious. Better behave or you’ll end up leaving with a boot imprinted into your thick skull.” I tease, though there’s some truth to what I’m saying as I know my dad wasn’t joking at all. He said what he said and he meant it. That’s why you should never mess with a daddy’s girl.
Silas purposely didn’t do any of his school work just so he could do it together with me. That’s both sweet but also kind of stupid since I’m pretty sure he’s going to get a penalty for turning it in late. I’m sick so I have an excuse.
“You should have just done it and turned it in. You could have still helped me. It’s not like we had to do this together.” I tell him for the hundredth time. “We don’t even have many classes together anyways so some of your work isn’t even the same as mine.” I point out.
It should have been enough that he went to collect all my assignments from my teachers including the ones he didn’t have so I do feel a little bad that he just decided not to do his work for three freaking days.
“It’s no big deal. We’re both turning our work in late so I don’t see the issue.”
“Mine’s excused though. I was sick. You don’t have an excuse, you bonehead.” I say with a roll of my eyes.
He leans in close to me. “Does love sickness count?” He whispers in my ears.
I can’t help but laugh as I playfully give him a light shove. “Don’t be cheesy like that.” I can’t stop myself from smiling.
“You like it though.” He says knowingly.
I know he’s right so I reply back, “Mm. I guess I do.” I glance at Silas for a moment before murmuring, “Hey, let’s do something tomorrow.”
Silas looks caught off guard for a moment. “You mean go on a date?” He asks.
I nod.He smiles “Sounds good, but that means you need to finish all your school work tomorrow or else you know your parents won’t let you do anywhere.” He tells me as he reaches to ruffle my hair.
It’s silent for a moment before Silas casually says, “So, I was hoping you’d bring this up first but I guess I’ll have to do it. You had sneaked out of the house and got sick...?” He sounds calm, yet as I look down I can see his hands clenched tighter around the pencil and he pushes it so hard into the paper that part of it breaks.
He’s bothered by it even if he’s trying to pretend that he isn’t.
I’m not sure how to approached this expect for with caution. “Yep.”
“With who...?” He asks but I’m pretty sure he already knows the obvious answer.
“Levi.” I say with out hesitation. “We were only in the yard though. We didn’t do anywhere.”
Quietly he mutters out, “Oh.” He pauses before asking, “Were you ever going to tell me?”
“No. Probably not, but only because I didn’t want you to worry...”
He lets out another quiet, “Oh.”
“I don’t want you to misunderstand. I didn’t sneak out intending to see Levi. I thought... I thought he was you at first.”
Silas raises an eyebrow and tilts his head slightly to the side before he speaks, “I can’t promise that some pretty upsetting thoughts didn’t cross my mind when your mom assumed it was me that you sneaked out to see, but I don’t want to accuse or jump to conclusions so I really need us to talk about this since it’s been eating me up for the last few days. What exactly happened?”
I take a deep breath before I explain the events of Tuesday night.
As I thought Silas is fuming mad. Even if he doesn’t verbally say that I can tell by his body language and expression. He sits up more straight now and tosses his pencil haphazardly onto his workbook. His jaw is tense and his brows are furrowed before he starts to mutter out a string of curse words. After he finishes cursing he clenches and un-clentches his fist before slamming his closed fist down onto his left leg.
He finally speaks something other than profanity as he sighs and runs his hand over his face now. “If I wasn’t already ashamed to share DNA with that idiot than I definitely am I.” He mumbles out.
“Silas,” I murmur back with a shake of my head. “Don’t say that.”
I still don't like hearing him bad mouth his brother in the same way I also didn't like it when Levi did the same about him. Regardless of what happens, they are family and both of them have been important parts of my life in one way or another. So, I really hope at the very least that they sort out their own issues in time just like how I sorted out my issues with Silas and how I'm working on trying to figure out how to deal with the issues I
“Why not? It’s the truth. Besides it’s not as if he doesn’t feel the same way about me. We haven’t gotten along for a long time now and I’m sick of making excuses or trying to see from his point of view when all he thinks about is himself with no consideration to anyone else.” He’s annoyed. It’s so easy to tell by the way his deep voice he’s just slightly higher in pitch. It’s almost hard to hear but I know him well enough to be able to distinguish the slight difference.
I open my mouth about to tell him that he sounds like he’s talking about himself for a moment.
Silas must sense what I’m about to say because he shoots me a look before continuing speaking, “And before you say that I’m like that too, just remember that I’m really trying and I’ve been doing my best to think of your feelings first but I need to also think of my own as well since both are important. Being a little selfish isn’t a bad thing, but being consumed by selfishness is. It’s all about balance.”
Silas’ words really make me think. I guess he’s right that selfishness isn’t inherently wrong unless it’s to the extreme where you only ever think about your self above others. Still, while I realized Levi is incredibly selfish I can’t help but think that not everything he’s done is with only himself in mind.
It’s honestly hard to distinguish the lie from the truth right now. Maybe everything really has a lie or maybe there were some honest moments here or there. I really don’t know at this point. The optimistic side of me wants to think that Levi really didn’t have bad intentions and that there was something more than selfishness and greed that motivated the deep bond we used to have and his decisions leading up to the last few weeks. The pessimistic side of me tries to tell me to stop thinking so deeply about this and to hurry up and just decide to tell his parents about what he did and then cut him out of my life as best as I can. It’s conflicting because part of me really dislikes the side of him I saw that night when he told me the truth, but another part of me does still care.
Maybe I’m too soft, but it’s hard to just completely dismiss my entire history with Levi even if I feel angry and scared towards him right now.
I really want to understand why he did the things he did. Right now I’m not able to do that because even after hearing him speak his truth it’s still hard to accept it.
That’s probably the problem- I can’t move forward until I learn to accept the situation- not accepting what he did or excusing it, but in general accepting that it happened in the first place.
The truth is always hard to accept especially when it has to do with someone who I really trusted and felt attachment towards.