1. Savin' me
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
- Nickelback – Savin me
I don't know how I get myself into these stupid situations. Mom and dad would never be okay with Scott (my adopted brother) or Issy (My sister) driving them home drunk so I have to drive them to and from parties.
I'm sprawled out in the backseat just watching the tree's go by as Scott drives, way to crazily, towards the lake. I wince every time he hits a bump, not wanting to imagine his terrible driving if he was drunk.
Isabelle is sitting in the front next to him, texting a mile a minute. I don't know why she feels the need to text so many people, who she would coincidentally be seeing in a few minutes.
My phone chimes and I looked down at it, instantly smiling. It was Allie, short for Allison.
I wish I could come 2 the party, but u no my mom and dad...
I closed my eyes and sighed at the horrendous text speak. I loved it though, the fact that she was even talking to me today felt amazing.
Yeah I know. I'll miss you though. I quickly replied, smiling.
But my smile disappeared quickly, she didn't know. She couldn't know. What I was going to do tonight.
I looked at my backpack, knowing I had filled it would all my heavy books from school. I felt uncomfortable in my heavy boots and clothing. I knew I was going to have to ask someone else to take home Scott and Isabelle tonight… because I wouldn't be going home. I'm sure one of their many admirers would agree, even though it was me asking.
My phone chimed again signaling that Allie replied. Isabelle giggled from the front seat, "Looks like Will is popular tonight."
Scott laughed and looked back at me before turning towards the road again, "Is it Allison again? When are you going to ask her out dude?"
I felt my face flush. The answer of course was never. But I couldn't say that. Scott didn't know I was gay; Isabelle did but never said anything about it. She didn't care, probably because she was wrapped up in her whole world.
"We're just friends Scott. She's not into me like that." This well... was a lie. Allie has liked me ever since we met last year, and five months ago had pressed her lips against mine.
But back to the car ride, I know Scott said something and I had zoned out. "What?"
"I said why did you bring your bag? You're not going to do homework at the party are you because that's just lame dude."
I felt my face go red yet again. No. No homework. But I had to lie again, "I brought my sketch book. I won't be hanging out at the party I'll just stay in the car and draw."
I hated having to lie to them. I hated knowing I wasn't strong enough to go on. I hated knowing tonight, while they are partying, I'll be walking into the lake holding my heavy bag. Never to come back up.
It doesn't sound very poetic. I've been thinking about ending my life for months now, and coming up with this one felt the most right. Just letting water fill my lungs and never resurfacing.
Never to be hit again. Never to cut myself again. Never to hate myself anymore.
I felt my eyes prickle and a tear slowly slide down my face. I wiped it away quickly as we pulled up next to a red jeep and Isabelle instantly jumped out and ran into her boyfriends arms.
I hated lying, really, I hated it. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Never to cry again. Never to be bullied.
I could feel my fake smile plastered on my lips.
Scott shrugged and leaped out of the car and I got out slowly, noticing that there was around 30 cars, and a bunch of students already on the beach. There were several bonfires and loud music playing and the students were dancing.
I walked down to the trees next to the beach and sat in the cold next to the water. The other kids a good 30 or 40 yards from me. Far enough away they won't notice me in the dark.
This is what I wanted right? No not really. But I felt this need; my bullies are here, the guys that beat me up on the walk to school every day. The girls that laugh at my "emo" clothes.
I almost wish I could hear the shock. William Gideon Drayson committed suicide? No, it would never happen.
The only thing I would regret was never getting to see Allie again.
I could feel the tears trickling down my face as my phone chimed again, it was Allie.
Don't have 2 much fun w/o me dude!
I couldn't help the tears falling faster, as I replied.
Would she ever forgive me for letting go of life? I hoped not.
I looked up at the party in full swing, could see no one giving me any glances, I felt alone in a crowded party. Cliché I know.
I typed a quick text to Isabelle.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket, smiled grimly, and pulled my backpack up onto my back. Hoping it was heavy enough to keep me from freaking out in the water and trying to save myself.
I looked back up at the party and smiled wider.