Saving William (Gay!)

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Let's just say the last week has been amazing and awkward and terrible all at the same time.

Elijah and I aren't officially dating but he has forced me to go out to get food with him a couple days this week and he's driven me home from school each day when Scott and Isabelle had practices.

It's been eleven days since he discovered my habit. Eleven days since he took me into that bathroom, and eleven days since his lips were pressed against my cheek.

I swear if I think about it, I can still feel the tingle of his lips on my cheek.

It's Friday now, and I know he has some plans for us afterschool. I'm secretly worried he's going to want to go somewhere public.

Izzy knows I'm gay but Scott doesn't, and no one at school does, unless they suspect.

I suppose I was very lucky when no one at school saw us leave the bathroom together last week.

He's tried to hold my hand coming into the building and in-between classes when we've had classes together, but I wouldn't let him. Of course, knowing Elijah, he wouldn't be easily deterred.

So instead he's taken to resting his hand on my back whenever we're near each other, or putting his hand on my shoulder.

Or leaning in towards me whenever possible. Or trying to sneak a hug at any given moment. It's driving me crazy. But I love it, I feel loved.

So that about covers why I've felt amazing and awkward. As for the terrible…

I can't cut my wrists now. Every time I see him and we're alone he always has me show him my wrists.

I don't have the heart to tell him I have cuts all up my arms, down my legs, and across my torso. I don't want to tell him that I'm scarred on almost every single inch of my body. It's not like he'll ever see it.

He's asked me a bunch of questions about my cutting, why I started, when I started, if he hadn't had stopped me would I still be doing it. I had no answers except for a lie for the last one.

I knew if I had told him I still wanted to do it and am still doing it he'd freak out and probably tell my brother, sister, or parents.

And that just won't do.

I'm standing next to Elijah's car now, my last class I'm an aide and close to the front doors so I leave the building a little bit before everyone else does.

I felt my hand drifting down to my left thigh, where I knew there were a few thin lines I had made a couple days ago. It kills me to lie to Elijah, but I don't know what else to do.

There's no way I can give up cutting. And right now there's no way I want to go without having those powerful arms around me anymore. Or without those lips on my cheeks or forehead.

That's another funny thing; he hasn't tried to push me. He knows I need time. I guess I haven't known him as well as I should have. There's no way he'd ever force me into doing something I don't want.

But right now I do want to feel his lips on mine; I've never been kissed before. Not in any way that counted, besides you know, my parents or sister or brothers.

And now that's all I want. I want Elijah to be my first kiss, since he's already starting to be my first love… No that won't do. It'll just hurt in the end, when Allie dies… I will. This makes what's going on a little bit worse.

Last week at her appointment the doctors said her health was deteriorating. This means I won't have much time left with her, so I've tried to equally give her and Elijah all the time I possibly can. I won't waste a single moment.

When the door to the school opened and I saw a mess of glittery hair I smiled and waved. He waved back and walked down the steps towards me.

I opened the passenger seat of the car and got in, waiting for him. I'd already pulled my sleeves up to my elbows.

He got in and pulled his seat belt on before looking at me with raised eyes.

I turned my arms towards him, "No cuts, not since before and that'll never happen again."

He smiled and my breath hitched, again. Those eyes lit up and I could see his perfect teeth. Him happy is definitely worth this daily inspection. I just have to make sure he never wants to look anywhere else…

He put the key in the ignition and the car in drive while I pulled out my cell phone and texted Izzy that I wouldn't be riding with them again. I was having a friend drive me home.

I think Izzy suspected that Elijah and I were in a relationship now. Whenever she saw us together she'd always give us a smirk.

Even though both of us have told our friends we decided to try and be friends since it was Elijah's last year and we wouldn't get a chance next year once he's in college. If he's going to college.

I turned to him as we drove out of the parking lot, "So uh… Elijah. Where are we going tonight?"

He smirked and my small smile instantly faded. I knew it! He's taking me somewhere public and he knows I won't like it!

He eyed me and his smirk slowly started to fade as well, "It's a secret. But I bought you an outfit for it. We're going out to dinner first, little Italian place, no one we know will be there."

I nodded. I could have dinner at a small Italian place, no problem. But the outfit thing? We're having dinner first? What's second? Oh boy what have I gotten myself into?

He placed his hand not on the wheel on mine and we drove in silence towards his house. I'd only been there a few times, and the only people I'd ever seen were maids, I haven't seen his mom or dad, and I'm not sure I should ask or not.

When I brought up his parents once his face got stony and his eyes hardened, so I dropped the subject.

This time once we got to his house he opened my door for me again, what a gentleman… and escorted me inside. Instantly his rat sized cat leaped onto my leg and curled against my foot.

I leaned down to scratch behind his ears, "Hey there Vodka."

Elijah instantly reached down and picked him up, cuddling him against his face. That poor cat, always having to be smooshed up against Elijah's face.

Well, that probably isn't bad for him, it wouldn't be for me. Where the hell did that come from? When someone usually wants to talk to me or touch me I run so fast in the other direction they don't even see me leave.

Elijah looked at me and smiled, "What's on your mind? You've been quiet since we left the school. Oh! Let's go to my room and check out your outfit for tonight!"

I smiled back and quickly followed him up the stairs. He led me down to his room, nodding at one of the maids who was walking down the hallway. I smiled at her and nodded as well.

He opened his bedroom door and walked in, I followed him, blushing. I'd only been in here a couple times, sat on his bed once, and he was laying on it next to me at the time.

I hate how inexperienced I am. I know he's gone all the way, I'm sure he has! With lots of different people. Yet here he is with me, the person he knows is the most inexperienced person in the entire school. Possibly in the entire state!

Okay maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic, but my face is red just by walking into his bedroom. That is what he does to me on a daily basis now.

He opened his closet door with a flourish only he would be able to pull off and walked into it. I sat down on his bed and watched him throw a black buckled jacket out of his closet and a blue sequined shirt and this and that and all these clothes ended up on the floor.

Knowing Elijah, he would probably wash all these clothes just because they are touching the floor, even though it was him that threw them out of the closet.

Finally I could hear a muffled; "Aha!" and he came out of the closet with armful of clothes so high it was covering his face.

I looked timid I'm sure, "Elijah… you know you're taller than me right? Your clothes will be to long on me."

He set the clothes on his bed and nodded, "Yeah, and I'm a little bit bigger than you too. So my clothes won't fit period. But I bought us both a new outfit for tonight."

He pulled up a pair of black, extremely tight, skinny jeans I know are for him. And also a rainbow colored shirt I wouldn't touch in a million years, plus if you look at it just right it was basically see through.

That wasn't the worst part. I looked at the other clothes on the bed and he was smirking, no.

No. Way.

But Elijah wouldn't take no for an answer. That's how, two hours later, I'm standing outside of a small Italian restaurant wearing dark red, leather extra tight skinny jeans, a black shimmery, tight t-shirt, and his black buckled jacket that's a little to big for me.

You can be sure it was buckled all the way so the only embarrassing thing on me you could see was the jeans. But Elijah was constantly placing a hand on my hip or wrapped around my waist, and I think he looked at my butt in them!

Part of me liked the attention, but a big part of me just wanted to run away before anyone saw me in anything other than black. Or in something this… revealing.

He removed his hand from around my waist when he opened the door for me; I barely listened when he asked for a table for two, or what the waiter was saying about the specials as he led us to our table.

There were only a few dining couples, and no one seemed to be looking our way so first date, so far so good.

We sat and we talked about our day, silly stuff like that. He had his hand on mine almost the entire time; I'd never been here before so he ordered for both of us.

Since I'm tall, and he's even taller, our knees would brush or one of his ankles would press against mine. At these moments I wouldn't be sure if it was on purpose or not.

The food was exquisite but he told me not to eat very much, and maybe he shouldn't have chosen Italian before our next event. Which made me assume dancing or something else of the sort.

"Elijah, I can't take the suspense anymore. Where are we going?"

He smirked and looked down at his lasagna, then back up at me, his gold-green eyes shining, "It's a surprise baby."

I blushed, he's only called me baby a couple times and both times I turned bright red, and apparently am still doing it. "I'm full; can we go do this now?"

He smirked more and picked up the bill before placing the tip down on the table. The waiter came bustling over, "Will this be all gentlemen? Will you need a box?"

Elijah shook his head and got up; I stood up next to him and pulled the jacket around me as tight as I could.

Elijah walked towards the front to pay for the meals and I trailed behind him, probably looking like a lost little puppy dog in the process. To be blunt, I'm not sure if I want to know where he's taking me or what he's planning on doing.

I'm okay with dancing or some other type of exercising. But I don't want to do anything with a whole bunch of people.

Elijah paid and pushed the door open for me. I walked out and he followed before grabbing my hands. I looked up into his eyes and he smirked again, "You ready to have some real fun now?"