Saving William (Gay!)

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16. Who knew

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew

Who Knew - Pink



There are only two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I can hear the priest quote Albert Einstein as we all stand around Allie's casket. It is fitting. Albert Einstein was a great man, and Allie was a great woman. It's been so hard getting through this week.

"Allie was that second type of person. She knew that every second shouldn't be taken for granted. She lived her life as if everyday was her last. And she fought hard right up to the very end."

My eyes drift to the casket. Allie picked it out. It's completely white with gold trims. I knew inside of it is the pale body of my best friend. My hand reaches blindly to the side and a cool hand grips mine. Elijah.

He's been my rock.

The priest looks to Allie's parents and asks them if they want to speak. Allie's parents stood up and moved closer to the casket. Allie's mom sobs softly and shockingly laughs, "If she was here right now she'd be yelling at us for crying. She had such strong values and her mind was so strong. She gave me hope. I'll miss her forever. I'll never forget the moment she left this world. For the first time in a year I knew she was no longer in pain. And as much as I miss her terribly, I know she's happy and free now. I love you baby girl."

Allie's mom lifts her fingers to her lips and presses them against the casket. The tears are falling onto my suit. Allie's dad looks to me and beckons. My turn.

I step up next to them and Allie. I let my hand linger on the casket next to Allie's mom's. "Allie was and will always be my best friend. As Napoleon Bonaparte once said, 'it requires more courage to suffer than to die.' Allie suffered for so long but I never saw her frown. I never saw a single tear. She was so brave, she lived every day so strong. And she was ready for her new body. I do believe she's happy and healthy now. And she's watching down on us now, probably annoyed that we're all crying over her. Goodbye Allie girl." I let my fingers touch my lips than touch the casket again.

I feel my hands shake as I make my way back to Elijah. All the eulogies have been said. The priest quotes a line about how the good die young and a child should never die young. Than... it's over.

Allie's parents aren't having a wake. They'll probably be sitting at the grave all night...

Elijah leads me back to his car and opens the door for me. I sit and pull the belt around me. We drive in silence, which I'm grateful for. I need to collect my thoughts.

We drive for over an hour. I know my entire family is at home, waiting for me. I should have invited them... but they didn't know her minus meeting her the day before it happened. I just wanted it to be me and her family. And Elijah. If he hadn't been at my side I would have lost it. I still might lose it now.

Elijah finally pulls up to my house and I unbuckle my belt and look at him, "I would invite you in but I know my family wants some private time with me."

I look into his golden eyes. Maybe more like Amber. I never have gotten over how beautiful he is. But I need to look. Because I will never see him again...

His fingers come up to frame my face. His lips are on mine and our tears are falling, mixing as they meet on the arm rest in between us. I let my hand rest on his chest, over his heart. It beat strong, and I know it's strong enough to recover after I leave his life tonight.

He pulls away slowly and wipes my tears away with his thumbs gently. "I love you William."

My eyes grow wide and his lips touch mine again. He finally pulls all the way away and says, "I know you're not ready yet. I'll call you tonight babe."

I nod and open the car door. He waits til I'm opening my house door before he drives off.

Before I shut the door I'm surround by my family. Even mom and dad are asking if I'm okay.

I raise my hand and they're all instantly quiet. Shocker. "I just want to take a bath and go to sleep."

If I wasn't so depressed I would laugh at their reactions. Mom rushes upstairs to fill the master bathtub, Isabelle rushes to get my sleepwear, dad goes and gets me a glass of wine. Great dad, best part.

Scott, being an amazing brother, takes me into his arms and holds me there. I know it's not romantic. I know I love Elijah. But this feels like heaven. I'll miss him most...

Caleb is asleep on the couch with his death note book on his little chest. I smile and carry my glass upstairs into mom and dads bedroom. And into their bathroom.

Mom and Izzy are talking when I enter but stop when they see me. Smooth.

Mom, not one for affection pats my shoulder and Izzy hugs me. Before Izzy pulls away she looks in my eyes, "Tell me if you need anything. Promise."

I nod. "I promise. I love you."

She says she loves me back and shuts the door behind her and mom. I give them enough time to walk out of the bedroom before I lock the door. They can't come in before it's too late...

I quickly root through mom's medicine cabinet for her sleeping pills. I am glad dad gave me alcohol.

Something to wash them down. I climb into the tub clothes and all and lean back. Even in the master bathtub my legs are to long so part of my chest and head are sticking out of the water.

I uncap the bottle of pills and empty them into my mouth. I count at least twenty pills. Yes. That's enough. Plus you should never mix alcohol and pills. I down the entire glass of wine and swallow twice, feeling the pills slither down my throat.

I let the glass fall against the floor along with the pill bottle. Hoping they didn't hear it downstairs.

One pill usually has me falling asleep in 15 minutes. So I'm not surprised when my eyes start to flutter shut. Time doesn't seem to matter. All can see is a white light even though my eyes are shut.

I can feel myself drifting, my heart slowing, my body dying.

Somewhere I can hear a door banging. Someone's hands on my shoulders. I open my eyes and look into Amber eyes.

I feel my lips tilt up, "I love you too." I don't know if he understood me, my eyes shut and I see only black.
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