Saving William (Gay!)

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18. Human

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

- Christina Perri Human



My eyes flutter open but instantly close. The lights are far to bright. What am I doing here? I was supposed to die. I know I took enough pills. I know I died... in Elijah arms!

Elijah found me. I remember that. I thought how amazing it was, I would be dying with the person I love. For once I felt free. I was actually happy. I was going to be with Allie forever. It would be horrible to lose Elijah but he doesn't need me. No one needs me...

But... he told me he loves me. How could he love me? Besides Isabelle and Scott no one loves me.

Maybe I made a mistake... but it felt so right. I felt right, dying. It felt good. I was falling into an eternal sleep. Now I'm just here. Where?

My eyes open again and I glance around. White walls, machines beeping, and Elijah asleep in a chair... Elijah!

Why'd he stay here with me? Shouldn't he hate me for trying to leave? Shouldn't he hate me for nearly dying in his arms? I try to sit up and feel something against my arms. I look down and realize I have bandages from my biceps to my wrists. My cuts...

I pull my hospital gown forward and look down at my chest. Bandages crisscross my chest. I can feel them wrapped around my back. I let my fingers slide down to my thighs. They're also covered in bandages. I didn't cut myself... right?

I don't remember cutting. I overdosed on pills.

My eyes shut and I tilt my head back. Of course, everyone knows I cut now. I might have been able to explain away a fee cuts but no way could I explain being covered nearly head to toe.

Now I'm going to have to talk to people. I'm going to be forced into suicide watch. I'll be forced into therapy. I'm so stupid. I should have waited awhile. I shouldn't have attempted suicide so soon after her funeral... of course Magnus would check on me. He's that kind of guy. He's amazing... and I'm a terrible person.

I sigh loudly and Elijah jerks in his sleep. His amber eyes open and they meet mine. I know it's only for a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. It feels like he is literally looking into my soul.

I know I should be uncomfortable with the way he is staring, but I'm not. I love Scott, Izzy, and Caleb, but I have this connection with Elijah that I just can't explain.

The moment is over and I barely have time to widen my eyes before he launches himself onto me. He speaks but it's so fast and illegible I can't understand him. I just let him wrap his arms around me. Being pressed against him is amazing. I don't know how I could have wanted to let him go...

Before I know it the moment's over and he runs to the door and outside. My eyes fall to the floor, of course he's leaving. Who wants to be stuck in a hospital with a suicidal headcase.

My fears disappear when Elijah returns with a doctor. Of course. But where is mom and dad? Where are Izzy, Scott, and Caleb?

I can hear the doctor speaking, feel Elijah leaning against me gently on the bed. I shake my head and look up at the doctor, "Sorry, I didn't catch that." I'm surprised about how scratchy my throat sounds.

He nods at my obvious confusion. "When you got to the hospital we had to pump your stomach and force you to vomit. To get the medication you swallowed out of your system. You're very lucky Mr. Bane found you when he did, ten more minutes and you would have been beyond our reach."

I keep myself from looking at Elijah. "Thank you doctor, for helping me."

His eyes meet mine, "You're very lucky to have Mr. Bane and your family. They love you very much."

I sigh, "Is this where you tell me that I'm selfish for doing this to them and suicide is never a good option?"

I didn't mean to sound like a snarky child. It just came out wrong. I am thankful they were able to save me. But I wish they could have been oh... ten minutes late.

He smiles lightly, "No, I won't force my views down your throat. You're healing very quickly and once you're off of suicide watch you'll be able to go home. Counseling will be mandatory too, to make sure you are no longer a risk to yourself. My nurse called your parents and they will be on their way. Again Mr. Drayson, you're very lucky to have such a loving family and Elijah."

He types something into the computer next to my bed and then walks out of my room.

I can feel Elijah squeeze my shoulders before sitting back down in his chair. He looks at me and I can't look back... My eyes are on my pale hands, clutching my blanket.


It takes me a moment to answer, "I've never been happy, really truly happy except when I was friends with Allie. I've been cutting for years, but nothing really bad. When I found out she had cancer and was dying I couldn't handle it. And I've been thinking about suicide since. All I've wanted was to die since then. And once she died I swore I would too."

It takes him awhile to answer back but when he does his voice is quiet, "What about your family? What about me?"

My lips quiver, hold back the tears Will! "No one needs me..."

Next minute I'm in his arms... he's kissing me all over and just holding me. "I need you William. I need you."

My heart races. He needs me? I need him. I will get through this Elijah. For you, I will get through this. You saved me, you saved my life.
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