Back against the wall
We don't have to take this
We can end it all
All you'll ever be
Is a faded memory of a bully
Make another joke
While they hang another rope
Push him to the dirt
'Til the words don't hurt
Can you hear me?
No ones gonna cry
On the very day you die
You're a bully
Bully by Shinedown
But I couldn't deal with the ashamed and sad look Elijah gave me.
I've never been so angry and I just reacted, I punched their table. Even Peter looked shocked when they all stared up at me.
I felt my eyes drift over Elijah before letting them lock onto the girls. I felt the words leave my mouth. 'Cancer patient'.
And then… I took off.
That's what I'm doing now, speed walking as fast as I can without looking like I'm running, trying to get away from them as fast as I possibly can without breaking down.
My dear, sweet, Allie. Shortly before I met her, almost a year ago, she found out she had an inoperable tumor in her brain. It was cancer.
She's had a brave face but the part that always affected me and her parents the most is what the doctors said.
We used to hang out almost everyday after school. Over the summer we wouldn't be separated. I spent a good portion of my time sleeping next to her on her bed.
But the last few months have been really rough. She's been really sick, having the worst sorts of headaches; I've cleaned up enough of her sickness to know that her body is deteriorating right in front of our eyes.
I've looked up everything I could on brain tumors, and in this case there's nothing they can do. Today was a good day. She doesn't have many.
I tried to avert her eyes from the stares. She loved Taki's so when we walked in and I saw Elijah and his friends, I couldn't just walk her right on out. But I could keep her eyes on me and away from them.
She smiled throughout the whole time. We didn't even buy anything today. Just browsed.
When I felt her thin waist around my arm I barely held back the tears, though I don't think I held back the choking sound in my voice. I wanted to make things better for her…
Her arms were around my neck and she placed her lips on my cheek and I tightened my grip on her waist before I pulled away.
I knew it was silly; acting like this was goodbye forever. She has an appointment in a few days, to find out how far the cancer has progressed. How long they think she has.
But the moment was over and she was walking out with her mom and dad. As soon as she was out of eyeshot I was texting Isabelle to ask her to pick me up after the game.
I lied to Allie's dad; the game wouldn't be over for at least a couple hours as it just started not to long ago. But I was okay with walking around.
Britney drew my attention to herself, talking about Allie being unattractive and buying her clothes at goodwill.
And I lost it. Just a second and I lost it.
I slammed my hand down on their table.
Rachel, Abby, and Britney's eyes were wide.
I can feel the adrenaline literally rushing through my veins as I sidestep people, trying to find the exit blindly. I know my face is red and every face shows me Elijah's sad eyes.
Elijah pitied me. Pitied Allie.
I could hear someone saying my name behind me but I walked down the stairs to the lower floor and made my way towards the exit.
"William, please, stop!"
Even though my entire body was trying to push me further away I slowed my steps and looked behind me. Elijah was following me.
I could see the worried look on his face from here, he was only 20 or 30 feet from me and I had a split second decision.
Wait for him, run outside, or go into one of the stores next to me and hide in a bathroom till he goes away.
The malls Books and Co. was right next to me so I walked in there and headed straight for the bathroom. This part of the store was giant, and I knew I would be able to lose him.
And luckily, the bathrooms were separated so there were no stalls, just a door that locked.
I was breathing heavily as I turned the lock. I turned towards the mirror and looked into it. I looked like hell came flying up and decided to torture me a bit.
My hair was more unruly then ever, my face was red, and the tears were dangerously threatening to come flying down.
I had to hold it in. Till Izzy comes.
I ran my hands down my front over to my pants to make sure my wallet hadn't fallen out of them when I was running away.
Damn, I ran. I confronted them, and then ran like a little girl.
I wanted to hate Elijah for being friends with them.
As I ran my hands down my front I could feel my beloved pocket knife, resting right next to my wallet.
Oh god… I want to so bad…
I pulled my knife out of my pocked and flipped the blade up. It would be so easy, just a couple more cuts…
I need the weight off my shoulders so bad right now.
I knew this was bad, this was a bad idea but I couldn't help rolling up my sleeves, this time I could cut my other arm… Just a few, and wrap it in toilet paper. And get more help later.
Just a few cuts…
Someone knocked on the door lightly and I cleared my throat, "Hold on a second."
Books and Co. has an amazing, obviously, book selection. I'll make a few lines, and then go find a book, sit down on one of their unbelievably comfortable chairs, and read til Izzy got here. I could do this. I can do this.
"William, please come out."
My eyes widened. He followed me in here! Get a hint Elijah. I don't want to talk to you.
"Will, come on. I didn't know they were going to act like that I'm so sorry."
I shook my head and kept staring at the mirror. Go away… Go away please… I couldn't voice it because I knew… I hoped, he wouldn't really leave.
"I'm going to stay right here till you talk to me. And I know it's going to look really weird to the other customers, I mean, I'm talking to a door."
I almost snorted in laughter.
I heard a weight against the door and I knew he was leaning against it. Waiting for me.
I looked longingly down at my knife before I sighed. Fine…
I flipped it shut and slid it back into my pants. I'm in trouble, real trouble. I got to be more careful then I'm being.
I turned the lock and opened the door slowly. I kept my eyes trained on the floor; I could see my shoes and his in my vision. I noticed one of his hands reaching for me and I think I stiffened to the point of being ice.
He must have noticed to and pulled his arm away.
Elijah cleared his throat, "So uh… you want to sit down? Or stand in the bathroom doorway all day?"
I know my face pinked and I shut the door of the bathroom and walked over to where I enjoyed sitting the most here. There were only a couple chairs and the store isn't very busy so it was just me, and Elijah.
I sat down in my favorite chair and he sat in front of me. A small table in between us.
I could feel his eyes on me but I still refused to look at him. I got to get home… I got to get away…
He cleared his throat again, "Will, I'm sorry. About them, I hope you know I bitched them out before I chased you through the store."
I could feel my face heat up, again. I made him chase me through the whole store. I felt so bad… "I'm uh… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you uh… chase me. You know. I was just… upset."
I let my eyes rise and I looked him in the eyes. "I'm really sorry."
Elijah raised his eyebrow at me, "Don't be sorry darling. I'm sorry they were acting like that. It was wrong of them. And to set the record straight, Allie is pretty, and she doesn't deserve cancer."
I felt my eyes tighten as I tried to keep the tears in check. Elijah, this is the second time you've nearly brought me to tears. Why do you have this affect on me?
Before I knew it his hand was on my cheek, his fingers running back into my hair and his thumb brushed against my cheekbone. He smelled like… sandalwood.
My eyes widened and he smiled softly before pulling his hand away. "Sorry."
"It's no problem Elijah." What is he doing to me…?
And suddenly I wanted that smile on me again. I wanted that hand on me again. I wanted to tell him everything, everything because I wanted to lean on someone for once instead of letting everyone I love to lean on me.
But I couldn't.
I felt myself stand and he looked up at me with an unreadable expression, "I'm um… I'm just gonna walk home or something…"
He stood and grabbed my arm abruptly, "No, I'm not letting you do that. I'm driving you."
"I figured you brought Abby."
He nodded, "Yeah, but she's going home with Ragnor again. Besides after the way she was treating you and Allie, I don't want her in my car with me right now."
I couldn't help the blush that came rising up in my cheeks again. Part of me wished I could have seen Elijah chew out Abby and the others. It would have been a sight.
He made me feel safe back then. And he's doing it now… why?
He gave me a ride home because he didn't want me to die of hypothermia or something. He chased me through the mall to make sure I was okay, now he's giving me a ride home to what?
His hand was still wrapped around my arm and I looked up at him. He was only a couple inches taller than me, but while I'm skinny and wiry, he's lean but still muscular.
My face was pressed against his shoulder and he had both of his hands pressed against my back, holding me against him.
I took in his sandalwood and other scent that must be Elijah's personal musk, and breathed in deeply. God I never wanted it to end.
I'd always wanted to know what it would feel like to be in his arms.
And now I know. Now I know… Will probably never know again, but at least I got to find out before…
His fingers slid to my elbows and he pulled back slightly. "I really am sorry. For what they did. It was uncalled for. I'm so sorry."
I felt myself smile slightly, "It isn't your fault. You took care of it though."
I pulled completely away from him and looked down.
He chuckled and grabbed for my hand, I felt his fingers squeeze my wrist, "Let's get you home."
And the second time in two days he dragged me to his car. He opened the door for me and I got in.
I texted Izzy saying she didn't need to come get me now, I had a ride.
This time, Elijah was quiet, didn't speak at all. But it wasn't awkward. Just a pleasant silence.
We pulled up to my house and he rested one of his hands on mine and I looked him in the eyes.
He smiled lightly, "Are you sure you're okay darling?"
My cheeks flamed again and I nodded, "Thank you, for being there. And uh… for the hug."
He chuckled, "I can give you one of those any time you want one. Even right now."
Before I knew it he had my belt off, one arm around my back and had pulled me against him.
It was more awkward, probably because I was expecting it this time, but I had a hard time not putting my head on his shoulder and relaxing into his embrace.
I pulled away first this time, and he looked… disappointed? No Will, don't be stupid he wouldn't be disappointed about not getting to hug you more.
I felt for the door handle and pushed the door open and got out.
I looked back in at him and his gold and green eyes met mine. "Thank you Elijah."
He smiled again, "I guess I'll see you Monday?"
I nodded. I was having trouble closing the door. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him.
He smiled wider, "Then I can't wait to see you darling."
My heart fluttered and I waved before shutting the door and rushing up the stairs to my door.
I pushed the door shut, "A friend, mother."
I chewed on my bottom lip lightly, he'll only ever be my friend… when Allie dies, so will I… When Allie dies… I will too.
So there can never be a Elijah and I, but at least I can hold onto those hugs for a little bit.