I’m an asshole.
I’m the biggest asshole on this fucking planet.
Fuck! I groan gripping my hair tightly as I remember the destructive words that fell from my mouth. I messed up and I know it.
How could I have said that to her? Because you’re a fucking impulsive asshole, that’s why.
Damn, what was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking that is the problem. I was angry and I snapped. Yes, some of what I said was on point and warranted but my delivery was despicable.
I am ashamed and frustrated by my actions.
Gripping my hair tighter, I replay the look of hurt and heartbreak on her face after those disgusting words left my mouth and it rips me apart each time. Why did I let my anger get the best of me like that?
It’s been ten minutes since Indiana took a tearful exit, slamming the door behind her. Five minutes since I went ballistic, throwing things against the wall, trashing the room. Two minutes since my anger simmered down and the regret set in.
You had no problem opening your legs for me but you couldn’t open your mouth and tell me about my daughter!
Shit, she’s not going to forgive me. That was a low blow and I know it. You would think years of training of how to be a Capo, to control your anger, to think logically and not rush in things would have paid off and I’d have a handle on my temper.
Yet, I lashed out at her and majority of that anger wasn’t even aimed at her. Yes, I was angry at Indiana for not telling me about my child but I was also angry at my fucking sperm donor and most importantly myself.
I grew up without my parents, given Aunt Christi and Uncle Johnny didn’t make me feel left out, but I always longed for that biological parents’ love... To have my parents love and care for me, to be there for me. Yet, I got the short end of the fucking stick with that. My mother died in childbirth; therefore, I didn’t even know her and my sperm donner was only interested in having someone he could control to take over his fucking empire, that he loved so much.
Now to know that my child has been living eight fucking years without her father, without me... It makes me feel like I’ve subjected my child to my suffering...
If I had just tried to reach out to Indiana when I noticed her constantly trying to contact me. If I had just kept proper tabs on her and not just taking the word of that fucker Lucas, whose goal was to fuck my girl. If once within those 8 years I had visited her or even watched her from afar, giving in to my inner stalker, maybe I would’ve known about my daughter, our child.
It is something I’m going to regret for the rest of my life. I should’ve told her about Charlie, I should’ve fought for us more or even tell her about my plan rather than leaving without a word.
I was young and stupid and I thought I was doing the right thing. Not only did I destroy Indiana, and myself but I also left my baby girl fatherless.
Thudding catches my attention after the sound of a door slamming and it’s like almost bulls stomping down the streets of Spain. The footsteps sound angry, fuming and raging mad.
Seconds later, the door to my room is opened slamming against the wall, the light from the hall flooding the darkroom. My eyes squint at the brightness before focusing on the woman before me.
I’m in for it now. I mentally sighed.
She’s in a large t-shirt that falls mid-thigh and peaking from beneath said shirt, shorts. Pink fuzzy slippers clad her feet, her hair is in every which direction and as I gaze at her face I gulp.
Aunt Christi stands before me, eyes blazing with fury. She huffs and puffs as she looks at me with disappointment and raw anger. I stand to my feet, locking eyes with her.
I’ve faced men who were ready to kill me on spot, I’d been held up by a gang of lunatics with guns and I have been through torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy... but none of those scared me as this woman did.
They say hell halt no fury like a woman scorned. An angry Christina Blake is your worst nightmare. I’ve seen my fair share of her anger during my teenage years but the look in her eyes right now would’ve had me pissing my pants back then.
“Aunt Christina...” I say sternly and she narrows those blazing eyes at me.
“You!” she bellowed at me, stepping into the trashed room. “You do not get to say those things to my daughter! You do not get to cuss her, to patronize her, or to blame her! You have no right, young man!”
I watch as her body shakes in anger rolling off her in waves and I stay quiet knowing it’s better to let her get it out of her system.
“You left her! Packed up and deserted her! My daughter has been through so much shit in her life all because of your fucking decision!” she shoots at me as she moves closer, debris crunching under her slippers. “I don’t care what reasons you had if you had just man up and taken responsibility or even tell us what was going on we could’ve helped! However, you men believe you have to do everything on your own! Qué stupido!”
She says some more curses in Spanish, waving her hand about before pinning me with a scaling look. “I was so pissed and disappointed when I found out, not only were you two getting together behind our backs but next you run away leaving her with the aftermath, a baby! One she couldn’t handle because she was so grief-stricken and heartbroken over you! She’s fought with depression, drug abuse and motherhood! She may have made some fucked up decisions in her life but at least she is trying to make them right!”
She is closer to me, so close her finger is now pointing in my chest but I don’t move. Aunt Christi stares up at me since I’m a lot taller than her and I gaze into her hazel eyes, the same hazel eyes Indiana shares. I stare into the pits of blazing fire, knowing I deserve the lashing being dished out.
“Indiana called you day and night trying to get in touch with you, to tell you about Diana. She spent nights crying because you were not there to share those little moments with her.” Aunt Christi states angry tears coming to her eyes. “I was there when morning sickness made it too hard for her to even sleep or function normally. I was there when she couldn’t feel her toes because her feet had swollen to the size of an elephant’s. I was there when she cried in pain, giving birth to your daughter. She cried for you, she wanted you there so bad... My baby was gutted knowing you couldn’t be there with her...”
She starts to cry, hands shaking and I touch her hand.” Aunt Chris–”
“So, you don’t get to act all high and mighty as if you have never made mistakes in your life.” she hisses as she pulls her hand away from my grip. “You both are to blame! Both of you made choices that brought you here. So what if she didn’t tell you about D at that cabin?! She didn’t know how you would react! She wanted to know you were safe and she could trust you before she did... And I don’t fault her because after hearing what you’ve said to her, my respect and trust in you are null!”
Those words cut deep within me but I don’t drop my mask. I stare at my aunt, the mother figure in my life, blankly as she scolds me.
“You were like my own child to me Dylan. I showered you with love... I still love you as if you are my own,” she says softly reaching up to cup my face and warmth spreads in my chest. “So I’m going to give you some advice”
She pulls back, those sharp eyes filled with anger still on me and I stiffly nod. “You’ve already lost eight years with each other... You’ve already lost eight years with your daughter. You need to suck it the fuck up and apologise for all those hurtful shit you said to my baby and the two of you need to talk things out like fucking adults! You need to take the steps necessary to care, love and provide for your child. And God so help me if I hear any blame being thrown from either of you I’m going to take both of you across my knees and spank you like the fucking children you’re behaving like! That’s my advice.”
With that, she narrows her eyes at me before wiping away the tears on her face and turning on her heel.
“Fix it!” she grunts to me before making her towards the doorway where Uncle Johnattan stands, having witnessed everything.
“Diosa...” he states as she walks towards him but she walks past him.
“Talk some fucking sense into him Johnattan before I beat both their asses!” she shouts out before disappearing from my field of vision.
Johnattan Blake looks at where his wife just stomped off to with clenched fists and jaw before turning his attention to me. My gaze holds his as he steps into the room mere seconds after my aunt left.
His stance is relaxed, deadly calm with a hint of tension here and there. I recognized it as the ‘I’m not here to cause trouble but I’ll fuck you up’ stance. One I use a lot.
“Christina has basically covered everything needed to be said,” he states, locking eyes with me before raising a brow. “Well, almost everything...”
I see his hand move and I could’ve dodged it but I allowed him to punch in the face. My jaw pulses at the swift and painful contact, which has me stumbling back by the force. He moves again and lands another in my stomach seconds later and I grunt. He follows up with a left hook that connects with my other jaw. I can feel my jaw swelling but I shake it off.
It’s a few seconds later when I notice he’s done by then the pain in my stomach has died down and I work my bruised jaws before turning my head to face him.
He flexes his hand, hard eyes locked on me, a knowing look on his face. ‘You didn’t fight back’ his eyes read.
I’ve been taught to take down an opponent with my eyes closed, to do it with my hands tied behind my back but this is one of those moments where I deserved the hits I’d received. There was no sense fighting back, after all, I was the one that wrecked his daughter’s life and I know if the roles were reversed, I would’ve done the same just crueller.
“Those were for screwing my little angel behind my back, for walking out on her without a word, leaving her to raise a child on her own and for every disgusting shit you said to her minutes ago,” Indiana’s dad hisses at me, not hiding the dislike in his eyes. “I’d always respected you boy, even trusted you once but after everything that has gone down... You’ve lost all that. I don’t approve of you, not for my little Angel and not for my grandchild... but my daughter cares for you and Diana is your daughter so ultimately it’s their choice. That’s also the reason I did rearrange your pretty face too much.”
He steps closer staring me down. “But let me tell you this. You’re going to live every day of your fucking life trying to prove to me that you are deserving of those two girls... I will not take you off my radar until I am satisfied with every-fucking-thing I see…and if you ever hurt them or put them in danger... when I get through with you, you’re going to wish you had never laid eyes, mouth, hands or any other part of your anatomy on my daughter all those years ago... “
He places his hand in the pockets of his sweatpants calmly not caring about the fact we are both partially naked, me in my underpants only.
“Silvestre is a name well known in the business world, Cristiano,” he states nonchalantly as if discussing the weather and I tense.
Those blue eyes become frosty and I hold his gaze not backing down. He knows about what I do. I can see it in his eyes. That was the real reason he didn’t want me near his daughter and our child. He knows of the danger that follows me, this isn’t just about me breaking his daughter’s heart and knocking her up. This is about all the bad associated with me, something he doesn’t want to fall onto his family.
I understand his stand on this and I can’t blame him because I know it’s true. Danger follows where I go.
“Based on the vague story Indiana gave us I figure she knows?” he asks but it sounds more like a statement but I still I nod in confirmation. “With that being said she still brought you here and introduced you into Diana’s life. I can’t say it’s a wise choice but the bed has been made.”
He steps closer so we are almost chest-to-chest and I await his next words. “I can’t hope and pray everything will be okay because with the Mafia involved it never is. Dylan, Cristiano, or whatever the fuck you call yourself, I am holding you accountable for their safety. Don’t let me regret it...”
There’s a pregnant pause, as we stare at each other and I look at his man. A man that will stick by his family side regardless of their choices and will go out of his way to ensure their safety no matter the consequences.
I want to be that man, for Indiana, for Diana.
“Am I clear, boy?” he asks with a raised brow and sober up before, nodding.
He nods sending me a chilling smile before turning on his heels. “Good. You’d do well to heed my wife’s words and apologize to my Angel but before you do...” he stops at the doorway to eye me. “... get dressed and if you think about touching her... If I hear even a faint whimper or moan from that room, I won’t hesitate to kick our ass and that’s a promise.”
…and with that he left, leaving me to my thoughts as I plan my next move.