I groan in annoyance before yawning as I try to push myself from my soft sheets. It’s hard to do since my little Ki-Ki kept me up until 1 a.m.
Diana rustles beside me, her head covered by the duvet and she turns onto her stomach pulling the sheet from me, a leg exposed.
At least someone is sleeping peacefully in this noise.
The alarm continues to blare and I quickly reach over Diana to grab my phone off the nightstand. I rub my eyes before looking at the screen with squinted eyes.
3:30... Take the pill.
Shit. I think rushing from the bed.
Diana doesn’t notice that I’m missing and continues to sleep as I feel my way through the darkness.
I manage to find my way to the bathroom room pulling up the door before flipping on the lights, which sting my eyes. My eyes eventually become accustomed to the bright lights and I hurry, opening the mirror cupboard. I grab the morning after pill (Next Choice) and close the cupboard, taking out the pill from its box.
I pause, looking at the little pill resting in my palm. Do I really want to kill my potential baby?
I’ve been torn over this since yesterday. I was freaking out minutes after Dylan and I had that moment in the water and the haze of orgasmic bliss faded. Diana’s voice had efficiently knocked us of it. She had caught us, even though her near-sightedness made it hard for her to see that far.
After that we had made ourselves presentable, Dylan took Diana while I ran to Georgiana in seek of some form of contraceptive since I know she always has some on her person. After getting knocked up as a teen, she’s been Miss Protection and at that moment I was thankful.
She handed me the morning after from her bag, giving me the twice a year usage warning and told me that if I’m ovulating there’s a possibility it won’t work.
I still took the pill, thinking that my ovulation period was days away. Turns out yesterday was my peak ovulation period, meaning I could be pregnant and the pill might not have even worked.
I look up in the mirror, observing the bags under my eyes, the paleness in my complexion and the bird’s nest on my head.
Now I’m debating taking the other pill. I know the pill won’t harm the baby if the egg is already fertilized but I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking this. On one hand, I don’t believe it’s time for us to have another child with all the shit going down and the possibility of our baby being in danger but on the other hand, I don’t want to be the mother that killed her or harmed unborn child... again.
As far as Georgie said, it’s either the pill works or it doesn’t since I’m ovulating. I’ve read up some stuff online to know that it won’t harm the baby if it’s already developing but you can’t be too sure. At least this time I have Dylan with me, to help with the child and protect him or her.
With that thought in mind, I take the pill swallowing it dry before washing it down with a little tap water.
It’s up to fate what happens now... Baby or no baby, we’ll still have each other.
I tell myself that it’ll be alright and I’m going back to bed but I still find myself overthinking minutes later, that’s why I end up leaving my room and heading towards the dance studio, to take my mind off it.
I use the light from my new phone (which my parents purchased on the main island for me a day ago) to navigate the hall as I creep along trying not to wake anyone. When I reach the familiar blue door, I open it cautiously and thankfully, it doesn’t squeak. I enter the room, the cherry wood floor cold against my soles and my phone’s light reflecting on the surrounding mirrors.
I make my way across the studio towards the small wooden door with a glass window. I open it, closing the door before flipping on the lights.
The red lights illuminate the room, glimmering on the five poles erected feet away from each other and reflecting on the mirrors to the sides. The room is midnight blue with a black couch to the wall opposite the door and two mahogany tables sandwiching it.
This is the pole dancing section mom added on. It’s her favourite kind of exercise, after my dad.
Speaking of Mom and Dad, it still upsets me that they had to leave the island last night for business. I’m scared that something bad will happen to them and even after hours of begging them to stay they still left saying ‘it’s an emergency’.
Now it’s just Christan, Diana, Dylan and I as close family members on the island and I can’t help but think I’ve given the enemy two additional chances to cause havoc.
It’s all a fucking mess.
Spotting myself in the mirror, I scrunch my nose before catching my hair in a neater ponytail.
I need to dance and release my stress...
On one of the tables near the couch is an MP3 player that is connected to the speakers mounted on each corner of the room.
I make my way to the MP3 disconnecting it from the speakers and using my phone to connect to them using Bluetooth.
The dance studio is soundproof so I don’t have to worry about the music being too loud.
I go on YouTube and put on Desire by Years by Years, starting to stretch as the intro plays. I do a quick split stretching my legs and I notice I’m out of shape. A few months ago, I could split easily without much effort, now I feel the pain.
I need to work out more often. I stretch my sides, listening to the lyrics and mouthing the words before approaching the pole.
It’s been a while... but I miss this...
... Where are you taking me... I can’t be blamed...
I lock the back of my knee on one of the poles, gripping it overhead with my hand.
Is it desire...?
As the chorus starts, I kick off the pole spinning with me and I bend my leg, locking ankles behind me. A warm-up move that gets me ready for the moves that follow.
This isn’t a routine but rather me having fun.
Or is it love that I’m feeling for you...
I slowly slide down until my feet hit the ground before walking around the pole gracefully yet seductively. Work it sis!
I want desire.... Cause your love only leaves me abuse...
I grip the pole overhead and below the waist before pushing off so the pole rotates while I do a reverse grab spin.
That’s it girl be fierce... I mentally cheer on myself.
The instrumental plays and I do some basic moves like the fireman, a repeat of the reverse spin and the Peter Pan.
Chasing that rush...
As the second verse comes in, I dance around the pole, watching myself in the mirror, as I get lost in the music, forgetting everything that plagues me.
I’m in a tank top and booty shorts and I already see my thighs bruising from gripping the pole but I’m having too much fun to care about it. I dip before swinging around the pole, tipping on my toes as I move my hips whipping my hair around and breaking it down, laughing.
I want you to want me again... Is it desire...?
I grab the pole manoeuvring myself into a shooting star position, gliding down the pole before moving into a Genevieve. My eyes close as I spin effortlessly, they music consuming me... I feel light and free...
... but my abdomen and thighs are killing me, yet the burn is welcomed.
I want desire...
I move into a sexy flexy with a grin before releasing my leg, grabbing the pole transitioning into a queen of quad, tiger bend then standing upright.
Sweat cakes my body almost making it hard to grip the pole, I laugh dancing against the cool metal. The chorus plays again, I do the superman before wrapping my legs at the top of the pole, and my hands hold the end. I do the falling angel and I feel my thighs aching at the grip.
I go into a headstand-stag hold before tumbling to the side as my abdomen and thighs give up on me. I laugh the clenching of my muscles sending signals to my brain, producing pain.
Damn, I’m out of shape...
The song plays out and I lie down, spread-eagle as I catch my breath. Damn, I need an ice bath.
“That was quite a show...” someone says suddenly causing me to scream but that soon turns to laughter as I spot Dylan lean against the door.
“You scared me!” I say as I push my torso upwards so I can face him. “What are you doing down here?”
“Well, I was coming to your room when I saw you sneaking out so I followed you,” he states as he walks towards the couch, cracking the windows above it and picking up my phone along with grabbing a bottle of water from the mini-fridge built in the other nightstand.
He pops down beside me handing me the water and I thank him, gulping down its contents. He fiddles with the phone and soon Michael Buble’s rendition of Can’t help falling in love with you plays.
My heart flutters a little and I find myself blushing. “Really...”
“Yup,” he replies leaning on the pole as he grabs my legs and places them on his lap before massaging them.
Damn that feels good...
Buble sings, sounding just as good as the King did; he has a great voice. The song and Dylan’s hands working my thighs calm me and I find myself lying on my back, relaxing almost dosing off.
Dylan starts to sing the lyrics and I pop an eye open watching him. He’s no Elvis Prestly but he can hold a tune, as long as it doesn’t hit too much of a high.
His black hair falls onto his forehead and his tatted biceps and triceps flex as he works my thighs coaxing a silent moan from me. The low cut arms on this tank allow me to see his pectorals, those inky pectorals and I catch myself drooling. His tribal tattoo sits boldly on his pec and arm calling for me to trace the patterns... with my tongue. My eyes move down to his sweatpants, a prominent bugle being displayed... and imagine he’s not even hard... my tongue would like to trace that very much.
“Well?” Dylan asks and I blink looking back at his face. That sharp jawline, juicy lips, those prominent cheekbones and those captivating eyes... my master is a whole snack and he’s all mine.
“Hmm?” I reply as I sit up, pulling my legs to my chest before moving to straddle him.
He smiles at him, hands on my hips while I trace his tattoo with my fingertips.
“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” he asks and I shake my head.
He chuckles, gently caressing my side and I lean forward resting my head on his chest. His heart beats at a fast rhythmic pace and I find it comforting. Dylan’s hands reach under my tank top as he runs his up and down my spine, making me cling to him and coo almost like a baby...
Baby... That one word brings back all my mental debate and I find myself slipping from this cocoon of relaxation.
I pull back with a groan causing Dylan to look up at me in confusion. I grab the phone from beside him and turn down the volume before looking into his eyes, those beautiful eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asks watching me attentively, worry plastered on his face.
“I’m scared...” I say barely above a whisper and Dylan’s face sobers up, his hand coming to cup my cheek.
“Why? Did someone capture your sister? Did Ferrez find us? Did–”
“No, it’s not that,” I say playing with my fingers. “It might sound a little... Um...”
I mean here I am worrying about whether or not the pill works when an attack could happen at any moment. My family could be captured, tortured or killed. Not saying a baby isn’t important but there are bigger problems that need to be solved... especially if a baby is on the way.
“Just tell me, baby girl...” he says searching my eyes for clues.
Just come out and say it, Indie...
“I might be pregnant.” I blurt out causing him to freeze momentarily.
His face goes through a whirlwind of emotions before settling on confusion and I find myself biting my nails as I wait on him to speak. His hands slacken a bit on my waist and the one cupping my cheek has lowered to the floor.
“Didn’t you take the pill? The one from Georgiana?” he finally asks after a few seconds.
“Yes but turns out that if you’re ovulating it basically doesn’t work and well... yesterday was my peak ovulation day...” I say looking into his eyes trying to decipher how he feels about this.
His reaction so far isn’t helping me. My anxiety was high before this and now it’s increasing.
He looks a bit surprised at my answer and I see the fear in his eyes for a split second before he schools his features but the furrowing of his brows tells me that he’s thinking real hard about this.
This isn’t good...
“I–I...” he starts to say his thoughts seeming to jumble. “I don’t know what to say really...”
So, he doesn’t want any more kids... I think to myself.
This causes me to look down at my fingers a frown on my face and he goes quiet. The thought of another child makes him feel terrified and I bet he’s about to shut down and...
“I’m happy at the possibility of you being pregnant Ana,” his fingers grasp my chin tilting my head upwards and my eyes widen. He is?
“You are?” I ask looking a bit taken back. “I know Diana was basically a surprise to you and you didn’t even have time to process this Daddy thing. I thought–”
“That I’ll leave?” he asks sharply and I could hear the hurt in this voice.
“No!” I reply quickly before he takes this the wrong way. “I thought you’d have a moment where you shut down and you’d need space to think about all this... To come to terms with that not only do you have a child but now you might be a father to another...”
He calms when he takes in my words and I find myself biting on my lips as he gazes at me studying me. I don’t know what he’s thinking, his expressionless mask remains on his face and I’m dying to know what’s going through that head of his.
He caresses my cheek and my eyes stare into his practically pleading for him to let me in. “We’re in this together now, Dylan. I need to know what you’re thinking. We need to talk about what will happen if I am pregnant. How will we deal with the danger around us?”
He seems to think over my words before replying.
“I’m happy about the possibility of another baby yet at the same time I don’t think the time is ideal,” he states slowly, lowering his mask so I can see the conflicting emotions. Surprise, elation and mostly fear. “With all the threats being aimed at us and the danger lurking around every corner... I wouldn’t want to have a baby now. I want to be with you, Diana, and well, now this potential baby, no questions asked. I want to make up the time I’ve missed with my daughter but I don’t want her to feel like the new baby has taken away her dad from her, the same father she hasn’t known for 8 years of her life...”
Dylan makes solid points that have been running around in my head since yesterday. It’s not that I don’t want a child it’s just the danger he or she will be in and how a new baby will affect Diana. She’s just gotten her mom and dad together and we’re a family but now with a new baby may be on the way... How will she take it?
“I am happy to know that there might be another product of our love on the way...” Dylan says like he’s trying to make it stick in my head that he has no problem with additional children. “... and I don’t fear being a father, I feel like it’s something I’ve always wanted. My own family and now I have it.”
My heart warms as he calls us, his family and our baby, a product of our love. We haven’t declared that we love each other but even a blind man can see the love between us. I’m not in a rush for him to say it when he’s ready he will and when the time is right I’ll make it known, verbally. He may be able to tell based on my actions but hearing it, it’s powerful especially when meant wholly.
“So if I’m pregnant what will we do?” I ask my hands absentmindedly rubbing his arms.
“We’ll stick to the original plan. You will stay here, safe and away from danger while I find a way to end this and get us out of Ferrez’s sight,” he states his hands dancing over my hips.
As much as I hate the fact he’s going to put himself in danger, Dylan knows about the Mafia and Gangs and how they work, he’s the best person to end this. I’ve seen his skills, well a few of them, and I believe in him. I just hope when it’s time he’ll return to me and my babies.
“What about the mafia? Will you still be a Capo?”
That question creates a pregnant pause, which causes me to study Dylan. Did he want to stay in that life? If he’s the Capo of a Mafia there will be a target on all of us. My babies will never be safe and I’ll have to live every day wondering when we’ll all be killed for power.
Could I live with that? No... I couldn’t.
“I never wanted to be Capo,” he says softly and I watch as his face falls. “I was forced into the position but over the years I’ve made bonds within my Mafia. Loyal, trustworthy people who I can’t just abandon. If I leave it’ll be open season on them and I can’t, not without a backup...”
“So doesn’t the safety of your own family mean enough to you?” I ask a bit taken back that he would pick others over us and our safety.
Call me selfish but I don’t want to be apart of something that could get us all killed. I know Dylan has commitments elsewhere but I want to know that we come first. His family comes first and he’ll do anything to keep us safe.
“Of course!” he says his grip on my hips tightening as his eyes flare. “You, Diana and our potential baby mean the most to me, Ana. What I’m saying is that to leave the Mafia without us being targeted, I need to make a secure plan. One that might take months to execute but I will get out because I want to be with you... The three of you... “
Oh... Thank God...
I rest my forehead against his, my arms wrapping around him and he returns my embrace. This is a sticky situation and not everything might go to plan but I hope and pray that it does because I already lost him once and I don’t know what will happen if I lose him again...
“I trust you,” I mumble, my eyes close. “You’ll figure all this out and eliminate the threat and come back to us in one piece...”
I feel wetness stream down my cheek and my lips tremble as emotions flare within me, the doubts making me break down. What if he leaves and never returns? What if he’s killed and Diana and this baby may never see their dad again? I’ll lose the man I love and that’s a void that’ll live with me till death...
I feel his thumb swipe at my cheeks and I open my eyes to stare at his mesmerising irises. He has a tender look on his face and I can’t help myself.
Please, when the time comes be careful and return to us...
I lean forward to kiss him, a kiss that he returns. His lips move gently against mine, coaxing me, soothing me and find my heart relaxing and drowning in him. His scent, his body against mine and the security I feel wrapped in these arms of his.
Dylan caresses my back, causing a shiver to travel up my spine and I moan against his lips, pushing my body against his. The heat flares between us, a calming yet passionate sensation making its way through my body. His heart beats rapidly which I feel against my breasts that are pressed against his glorious chest.
I smile, placing my palm over his chest. Pulling back, I look down at his face, his eyes shimmer with deep, raw emotions and his adorable, red, puckered lips are begging for more attention.
I lean down pecking his lips sweetly a few times as he fists my hair sending my senses haywire. I pull back but not before giving him an Eskimo kiss which he happily returns. My heart hums at his closeness and the warmth I feel radiating from him... the man I love unconditionally...
It’s time Indie, tell him...
Leaning close to his ear with the little courage I have, I whisper three little words with the largest meaning that causes him to inhale sharply.
“I love you.”