Chapter 19 - omission of fear
OMISSION OF FEAR
Iris and Javier sat across each other. She was sitting with her legs crossed in the middle of the bed wearing Javier's white crew neck t-shirt and black PJ shorts . Javier was leaning on the head board topless with his grey yoga pants on smiling.
" You know my white V neck looks better on you than it does on me. "
"Crew neck babe its round at the collar. Although I wouldn't be able tell the difference too ;cause the shirt is wearing me ."
Javier played around with the hem of the sleeve, which exposed Iris's shoulder; he saw the scar that chilled him to the bone.
" I thought all t shirts were V necks besides you look good in anything you wear... Thank you "
"For what ?"
Iris tucked her hair behind her ears and looked at him smiling.
The kind of look that made his heart skip a beat. She had always that effect on him even when he had the most horrid day ,seeing her erased any traces of sadness. He always felt like he was in a non judgmental zone;secure ,wanted and loved around her.
"For not being afraid and showing me your scars...and your forgiveness Your version of events were scary to be honest and messed up.
Javier knelt in front of Iris and put both his hands on her waist.
"I'm alive that's all that matters."
When Javier looked at Iris; his face was riddled with guilt and remorse.
"I should have been there..."
Javier started to cry and Iris unfolded her legs knelt in front of him and wiped his tears. Javier held her for what seemed to feel like a long time.she leaned back to look at him.
" How were you to know. Half the time I tried to contact you after what you did; to tell you what had really happened , I got threatened . I stayed in contact with your mother cause she knew the truth."
"I got angry every time she mentioned you or talked about you . Then she told me she would try and accept my relationship with Gina cause you have moved on . Her heart was breaking on the day she told me she won't bring you up in any conversation.After I told her I won't come home if she was going to guilt trip me ."
"On the night I talked to her; I decided to go out to a party and that's when Bryce and I happened. He and I clicked. It felt good again to feel rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns inside my heart and smile again. Before I knew my heart started beating properly again it wasn't just pumping blood."
"Gina changed me and not in a good way.My heart ached when you left. I wanted to tell you that I forgave you and that I believed you."
"But you didn't instead you broke my heart even more when you threw me out in the cold. I wanted to go back to the loft go talk it out with you ,tell you what you saw wasn't what was really happening. Tiago needed a friend . He was our friend. "
"I didn't kick you out."
Iris threw her hands in the air calmed down and folded her hands in def fence . As relaxed as Javier was before he became all tense again.Iris stood up and moved to foot of the bed .
"You did . What do you call having my bags packed by Eva and telling her to tell me that you never want to see me again and that I should find somewhere else to sleep cause I wasn't welcome anymore, oh and to add insult to injury. Gina walked out in your sweatshirt only ... And you... You came out ..."
Iris was pointing at his body . It took a minuet for Javier to realize what she meant.
" Oh yes ... I remember now but I didn't see you. Why didn't you alert me. I was in my boxers cause my joggers had gotten wet with hot chocolate. I didn't tell Eva that. She's been my minder for years hell she loved you she still does."
"She wasn't herself that day... Whatever Gina said to her must have struck a cord. Cause she was cold . I had never seen her so afraid and on the edge."
" She wasn't the same after you left. She went back home to the wine farm. My mother gave me an ear full about Gina ,but still ... I wouldn't budge and well I went down the wrong path. I've been mending broken relationships for the past six months. Except for one that still eats at me "
"The one with you. Hell you even forgot that I existed ."
"Javier being kicked out in the cold having to find a new place to in a foreign country is pretty traumatizing. Luckily I had back up. I booked into a guest house and stayed there till I could book a flight back home."
" I'm so sorry, I truly am... It's always been you".
Javier cleared his face again and began to walk after her after her. Iris had t. he door half open when Javier's phone rang and with a quick glance he saw who it was and answered .
" Not now Gina . I'm busy. "
When he looked up Iris had gone to the next room. He knocked on the door but there was still no answer . He opened the bedroom door and. Saw his t-shirt folded neatly with Iris's other stuff he heard the shower running and decided to wait until Iris got out which was 30 minuets later.He was still in his yoga pants.
When Iris walked out only to find Javier in her room she went about her afternoon getting ready for dinner and ignoring him. She was again livid at him and he knew why.
"Iris are we going to this again. I said I'm sorry."
Iris gave him an impassive look and still kept quiet.
"The silent treatment isn't going to work. You are going to have to talk to me at some point . We are going to dinner ."
Iris broke her silence...
"You can go with Gina. I'm done with this ..."
Iris sat down on the chair and saw Javier's somewhat peeved reaction on the mirror.
She still had an impassive look on her face
" No you're not. You're not running. Not this time . You always run when you refuse to acknowledge your feelings , or admit that something is wrong ..."
" Oh yes and you're Mr know it all right... "
"Iris stop .Stop it with your sarcasm."
" What is it that you want from me? "
"For you to stop running."
" I don't think that's possible considering you aren't done with Gina "