NOT IN CONTROL

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Summary

I feel his hands traveling to places I don’t want him to go. I put my hands on his hands and step back. “Easy tiger,” I say. He stares at me and says “You have no idea how long I’ve been fantasizing about this” “I hope I have exceeded your expectations?” I respond and blush. “Even better and sorry, didn’t mean to disrespect you just can’t take my hands off you!” “Jay, you know that this is my first kiss right?”I ask him. He looks surprised at me. “No I didn’t, hope it’s the first of many!!”

Genre:
Romance / Erotica
Author:
Kavita Devie
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
27
Rating:
5.0 3 reviews
Age Rating:
18+

Chapter 1 A Bunch Of Exes In One Sentence

It was a rainy day when I woke up this morning. I quickly took a shower, brushed my teeth, and ran out the door.

I hadn’t had breakfast. Which my stomach had something to say about but ignoring it for now was the option I took.

The bus stop is not that far from my house but I had to go through several dark alleys to get there. It made me scared walking through these alleys but I could ignore these feelings by putting music on. It’s like I entered my own world when I put on my earbuds, safe in my own bubble. Music means the world to me. Some lyrics precisely described how I felt in a specific moment.

Luckily, I was on time for the bus and grabbed a seat in the back. I had to travel for an hour to get to school. I had to take the bus, the train, the sub, and walk for 10 minutes.
When I reached my stop, I ran to the station, avoiding the rain. I got on the platform where my train departs for Rotterdam central station.

That’s when I saw him again. So much for my plan to leave early so I could avoid him. I see him looking for me in the crowd. I’m trying to hide from him by standing behind some tall men. He is wearing dark skinny jeans a white shirt and a leather jack on top of it. Suddenly he spots me and our eyes meet. He has beautiful green eyes, eyes that could devour you, eyes so beautiful that you could just stare at them forever. His name is Jay, he is the ex of my best friend. That’s a lie, because she is not my best friend anymore. So, he is the ex of my ex-best friend.

A bunch of exes in one sentence.

He has a face that could be on the cover of a magazine. High cheekbones, a perfect nose and has a slightly muscular body because he is a professional swimmer.

I hear the song on my iPod playing from Usher.

“You make me wanna leave the one I’m with..Start a new relationship with you..This is what you do!!”

Great timing iPod sometimes I have a feeling that my iPod has a mind of its own. I think that that sums up the whole situation well from his point of view.

Jay walks up to me and I try to walk a little bit further into the crowd so he can’t reach me. Suddenly I see him standing in front of me.

“Hey,” he says with a smile on his face.

His green eyes shine and I get a warm feeling inside of me when he looks at me like that.

Jay is 2 years older than me. I’m 16 years old and study mechanical engineering. He studies law and wants to become an attorney just like his father.

He’s been coming to this station to see me every morning for weeks know. His home is 2 blocks away from his own university. I think it’s a 10-minute walk. He must like me very much if he’s willing to travel 1 hour extra every morning.

“Jay, why are you here, again?” I ask.

“Because my morning isn’t complete with you in it, baby” he says.

“OMG could you stop flirting in the morning!” and I kick him.

“Auch, I didn’t know you had special opening hours for flirting!” he responds.

“Yeah but those are only open for people that can actually flirt!” I response laughing.

Jay is a very confident guy and if you look past that you will notice his sensitive and caring sight.

We hop on the train and he grabs my hand and says “follow me”.

I obey and take a seat next to him. I quickly take my hand back and you can see the disappointment in his eyes.

I grab the newspaper and start reading but feel two eyes burning into me.

“Can you stop that please?”

“Why, am I making you nervous?” he says

“No, you are being awkward!” I respond.
He smiles and looks away.

The train will take 30 minutes before we arrive at Rotterdam Central Station. I can feel my heart beating faster every time he looks at me.

“Could you please have a normal conversation with me?”He asks.

“I could, but don’t know if you would like my answers.”

“Please tell me why you are ignoring me?” he asks.

“You know why, I can’t do this to Kate (my ex-best friend) even though we are not friends anymore.”

“Why does it has to be so complicated? I like you Tara can’t you just understand that?” he asks with a frown on his face.

Understanding, that’s what got me in trouble in the first place.

“I can be very understanding. But even if I feel the same way I will never act upon my feelings for you.”

That’s a lie don’t know for how long I can keep this up!

“So, you have feelings?” he responds

“That is all you heard? OMG, you drive me crazy!!” I yell and throw my arms in the air.

“Ditto!!” He responds and looks at me captivating.

I sit there silent. Every time we get into this discussion it turns into this.

“I wish things were different” I say.

“Me too” he responds.

The train stops at the next station and I look at all the people getting out of the train. Everyone is in a hurry to be somewhere. I see a beautiful girl standing there waiting for the next train and I stare at her. Jay notices me staring and says that girl is waving at you. I look again and see that beautiful girl waving and I wave back.

“Do you know here?” He asks.

“Never seen her in my life” I respond.

“Well you have that effect on people, you’re so beautiful that even strangers want to wave at you.” he responds.

“Okay, Jay stop it before I’m going to throw up!” I respond with an exhausted look on my face.

I know that I’m hurting him but it’s better for us to just be friends.

We arrive at the station. I get up and he does too, our eyes stare into each other and the train hits the brakes making it hard to stand straight. I crash right into him. He catches me and holds me in his arms. He smells so nice and his body is so masculine.

This is where I've wanted to be all along.

“Sorry about that,” I say not meaning a word of it.

“I don’t mind” he says with a shy smile on his face and I slip behind him running out of the train.

It’s raining outside thank god for the subway. I get into the subway and Jay enters behind me. It is very crowded and I can feel him standing very close to me. This is why I try to avoid him every morning. Don’t know how long I can keep up going on like this before giving in to his charm.

I can see girls staring at him but he doesn’t notice them. Don’t know why he just finds another girl he could have anyone he wants. My stop is first and Jay has the next one.

“See you tomorrow,” he says and I look at him and walk away.

“Bye Jay, behave yourself at school!” I say sarcastic.

“Yes, mom” he says and winks at me.

I smile at him and walk away from his pretty face.

Is see my classmates sitting in front of the school.

“Hey Tara you’re early” Angie says.

Angie is my classmate and the only friend I have in school. I get along with everyone but don’t have many friends.

And if you count my best friend out, there are not that many friends left.

“Yes, I’m early thought I would do some homework before our class” I respond.

“Nerd” she says. I look at here a little angrily and walk to the library.

Our school is built by a famous architect. It has a large ceiling made of glass. Everything is made of sustainable materials and it generates its electricity with solar panels that rotate with the sun. I walk to the library find a seat and open my book Statics. I love doing homework hence to nerd remark from Angie.

The day goes by very fast and I see a text message from Jay on my phone:

Hey, Taar sorry if I said something wrong just want to be near you that’s enough for me!

I feel a warm and odd feeling inside of me. I care for him very much but what does it say of me if I let him in like that?

On my way to the station I plug my earphones in my iPod and hear the song of Oasis playing

And all the roads we have to walk are winding…And all the lights that lead us there are blinding…There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don’t know how!

It’s still raining and I walk very fast to the Sub. It’s getting very cold but that text from Jay makes me feel warm inside.

I text back: see you tomorrow! xxx Tara


Author's note:

Hi everyone, thank you for reading my first chapter! Please tell me what you think about it? And don’t forget to like keeps me motivated to go on!

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