Not In Control

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Chapter 21 I Can Get Used To Coming Home Like This

Author’s note:

Hey everyone, hope you’re enjoying my book! Please let me know what you think or just like my story! Enjoy and I’m trying to update one chapter everyday!


Today is my appointment with Doctor Burton. I had to write my feelings down this week and they were all over the place.

“Could you tell me how your week was?” Doctor Burton asks me.

I sit on his couch and look out of the window. I know the truth is that I have been going through hell this past week. I was up and down and my emotions were all over the place. But answering this question is impossible because the truth is, I don’t have a clue how I survived in the first place.

I sigh and hold my breath for a minute. Doctor Burton doesn’t push me; he just waits for me to respond.

“Well, I’ve written my feelings down as you asked me,” and I hand him a piece of paper:

Feelings I went through this week: Day 1 - I’m feeling disgusted with myself. I feel angry and powerless that I couldn’t do anything. I feel ashamed that I didn’t listen to Jay; he warned me and I didn’t listen. Most of all I don’t feel that I’m in control of myself. Whatever I try to do I just can’t seem to get control of my feelings, no control of my thoughts. That’s what I want: to be in control of everything. To be in control of my emotions.

Day 2 - Elena spent the night with me and I could feel a release of tension. Things seem to be easy when she’s around. Like I can cope with everything that happened. And I know that you can’t control everything that comes your way. The only thing you can be in control of is how you react.

Day 3 - I won’t let him define me anymore. I’ve been running from my feelings. Suppressed them all. I wish that these wounds would heal. Erasing what happened to me isn’t the answer but it’s easier than facing that my first sexual experience was rape.

Day 4 - I don’t know if I can ever let a man touch me. I don’t know if my sexual experience changed me or if I truly am into girls. Maybe I have been bisexual just didn’t notice it? Why am I second-guessing everything because of what happened to me?

Day 5 - I feel so damn lonely but loved at the same time. I think I should share this with someone. I don’t want it to only be in my mind. I want to feel like it doesn’t matter what happened. I’m still Tara.

Day 6 - Tired of listening to my feelings. I know that’s the point. But losing so much makes you realize that nothing is forever. I try so hard to tell myself that you’re gone. But I can’t accept it in my mind.

Day 7 - Writing my feelings down makes me feel in control!

“Good for you,” Doctor Burton answers.

“I have something for you.” He hands me a diary. “I think you should keep on doing this. I will help you understand what you’re going through and clear your mind at the same time,” he tells me.

I nod. These days I’ve been lost for words. And I’ve thrown myself into work. Coming home and writing down my feelings gave me the feeling I could cope with all the voices in my head.

“I don’t want to push you, but let’s have another hypnotherapy session next week if you’re up for it?” he asks.

“Okay, thank you, Doctor Burton,” I respond. I shake his hand and walk out to my car.

Elena is at my place; she’s been staying over worrying about me. I love to come home to her.

I text her:

Just finished with Doctor Burton. On my way home! XX Tara

Elena:

Can’t wait to see you! Drive safe xxx Elena

I walk towards my car and put on my favourite song that makes me happy!

If anybody asks you who I am...just stand up tall...look ’em in the face and say...I’m that star up in the sky...I’m that mountain peak up high.... Hey, I made it, hmm...I’m the world’s greatest...

I arrive home feeling a little lighter.

“Hello handsome,” I hear Elena saying. I love her voice. I love a lot of things about her. I don’t know if I’m in love with her but there are a lot of things I like about her.

“Well, hello the-”

I don’t finish my sentence because Elena is standing naked in my living room.

“I could get used to coming home like this,” I say in the most seductive way I can and walk towards her.

“Good, because coming is all that’s on my mind,” she responds and I can see her blushing from her response.

“That can be arranged, Miss Mitchell,” I respond.

I kiss her hard and lift her. She wraps her legs around my waist and I walk towards the bedroom, my hands holding on to her ass and squeezing them gently.

I throw her on my bed and take her in for a moment. She looks at me seductively and I take off my clothes. She doesn’t take her eyes off me. I leave my lingerie on and get on top of her. I kiss her mouth and make my way to her neck. I suck hard and hear her moan in my ear. Her moans turn me on even more.

I put my fingers on her left nipple and take her right one into my mouth making her go crazy. Her back arches and I can feel her melting under my touch. I like that I have so much control over her body. I spread her legs and rub my body against her.

I switch and put her left nipple in my mouth while looking straight into her eyes. She blushes but I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t want me to stop!

I can feel her hands on my back undoing my bra and I rub my breasts against hers. I can feel her hard nipples against mine and I think I have never been this aroused by someone. I kiss my way down and tease her by kissing, sucking and biting everywhere except where she wants me.

“Please Tara, I need to feel you,” she begs.

I put her legs on my shoulders and slowly lift her ass giving me a perfect view of her pussy. I kiss it softly and open her folds with my tongue. She’s so wet and she tastes so sweet. I flick my tongue and my way to her jewel teasing it. She doesn’t need much and I can feel her jewel getting bigger. She’s screaming my name while she comes. Her whole body shivers and I look at her while I keep licking her clean and preparing her for the second explosion. It doesn’t take long before she comes again.

“Oh my God, Tara…ahhh!” she screams and it feels good knowing her body.

I walk towards my nightstand and grab a strap on and some lube. I clip it on and look at her.

“You’re okay with this?” I ask her.

She nods and grabs my ass pulling me closer. I enter her slowly, easing my way in her pussy. But she’s so wet that it doesn’t take long for me to fill her up. I let her adjust to this feeling and I look into her eyes.

“Are you okay, babe?” I ask.

“Yes,” she replies and starts moving with me. I keep my body pressed on hers while moving slowly at first. I keep moving faster and rub her clit. Her legs start to shake.

“Come for me baby,” I demand.

She looks at me and I can feel her shaking. I pull out of her but keep rubbing her clit. She comes so hard, juices flowing out of her. She keeps screaming and it takes a while for her to recover.

“Did I just squirt?” she asks.

“Yeah baby,” I respond kissing her and wrapping her in my arms.

“Sorry,” Elena says and looks a bit embarrassed.

“Don’t be, don’t ever be. I love that I can do that to your body! Everything is beautiful about you. Please never be embarrassed in bed with me I want to give you everything you deserve!” I respond.

“Don’t worry, I have nothing to complain about,” she responds.

“Good,” I respond. My eyes are getting heavy.

“Hey, we’re not done yet!” she shakes me preventing me to fall asleep.

“Do me in the morning please?” I ask.

“Sure baby!” she responds.

I fall asleep thinking about how I have got to give credit to guys because it’s exhausting to fuck with a strap-on.

***

I wake up to a song playing in my bedroom.

You’ve been waiting so long...I’m here to answer your call...I know that I shouldn’t have had you waiting at all...I’ve been so busy, but I’ve been thinking about...What I wanna do with you...

I’m looking for Elena but I can’t see her. The song keeps on playing.

I hear footsteps in the hall walking towards the bedroom. She opens the door and she’s wearing a red lace bra with matching string. She has a devil diadem on making her the sexiest devil I have ever seen!

She walks towards me and straddles me. Her mouth is on mine making me taste her minty breath. She must have brushed her teeth already.

She licks my breasts and gently bites on my nipples making me wet between my legs. She already made me wet when she walked over to me in her devilish outfit! Without warning she pushes two fingers in me. She’s finger fucking me hard and I’m totally at her mercy.

I spread my legs more giving her easy access. She rubs my clit with her other hand and I can feel my body getting hotter. It takes longer for me to come but Elena doesn’t slow down. She pushes a third finger in me and moves her mouth on my clit. I can feel her warm tongue licking my clit. It doesn’t take long for me to come then and I scream her name.

She doesn’t let me calm down but turns me around and slaps my ass. I like her being rough with me! She pushes me against the headboard of my bed. I grab it with two hands. She enters me again and I feel her even deeper this way. With her other hand she rubs my clit. She owns my body and I feel my orgasm building up and I scream “Oh, Elenaaaa!”

I lie down back on bed again with Elena spooning me!

“Let’s have lunch,” she responds.

“Lunch? We haven’t had breakfast yet?”

“I did, you were breakfast baby! You are the best breakfast I ever had!” she responds and winks at me.

I blush and she walks to the shower leaving me speechless!


Author’s note:

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