Not In Control

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Chapter 3 First of many

Today was the day I would see Jay again at the station. This time will be different because I asked him to come.

He broke up last year with Kate and he says it’s not because of me. I wouldn’t know if this is true because Kate and I don’t talk to each other anymore.

We have been in touch for six months now. And we have talked a lot to each other: on the phone when I see him before or after school and in the hospital. Jay’s mother has breast cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes. She’s having chemo treatment and has to undergo surgery after that. She has been very sick several times and had to stay in the hospital. I’ve been to the hospital to be there for Jay. By now his mother knows me too. She’s a very strong woman, who won’t back down from this fight or show weakness when her children are around. She reminds me of my own mother.

Jay has a little brother named Ajay, but we call him AJ. AJ is six years old. He looks up to Jay. A while ago I met up with Jay in the hospital. But he had to get something from the store for his mother. So, I entered the room and his mother was awake.

She looked at me and smiled. “Come in,” she said. I walk into the room and took a seat next to her.

“How are you feeling?” I ask already knowing the answer.

“Good,” she said, knowing that’s far from the truth. When you look into her eyes you can see the struggles, pain and hurt she’s been going through. “Jay talks a lot about you,” she says. I look surprised but don’t say anything.

“He likes you; I never seen him this happy. He had Kate but that was different, like they were just keeping each other company,” she continues. “I know I can’t put this on you, but in my state, you tend to see the world a little bit different. Can I ask something of you?”

“Anything,” I respond.

“If I might not make it will you please look out for my boy? He’s a little bit cocky, I know my own son, but if you get to know him, he’s very protective of everyone around him. It will give me peace if someone is looking out for him,” she says. I look into her eyes and see tears falling down. How can I now refuse this mother’s dying wish?

I mean no pressure.

“I will always be here for Jay, I promise,” I respond with tears in my eyes.

I’ve been holding Jay back for six months and today is the day that I might want to give it a try. I wake up to go to the bathroom and hear my sister arguing with my mother. Every morning they argue about the clothes that she wears or should I say “lack of clothes”. My sister is two years younger than me and she’s always arguing with my parents. Let’s just say that if that would have been me in her shoes my parents would react a lot differently.

She’s the spoiled little sister, but I can’t complain, because I’m spoiling her as well. Her name is Jasmine and she’s in her last year of high school.

“Tara, please say something to Mom!” Jasmine yells.

I put two hands on my ears and yell “Can’t hear you!” and run into the bathroom.

“Very mature of you,” Jasmine screams but I ignore it.

I take a shower and brush my teeth. I walk to my closet but can’t decide what to wear. What’s up with me; I never had doubts about what to wear and how Jay would look at me. But today I feel insecure. I look at my body in the mirror. I have a slim posture and curves in the right places. I have a big butt and a B cup. I don’t hate what I see but can’t love it either. I’m light brown, have brown eyes, black long hair with slight curls in it.

I would call myself average. I decide to wear black skinny jeans, a red shirt above it and black Adidas sneakers. I brush my hair, put some red lipstick on and walk downstairs. I’m normally not a make-up person so lipstick is already a lot for me. I put on my coat and grab my bag. “Bye, Mom, Dad and Jazz,” I scream and walk out of the door. My mother runs after me and asks me if I won’t have breakfast. “I’ll get something at the station!” I yell and make a run for it.

My bus is late, but I’m still on time. It’s 07.10 and I’m supposed to meet Jay at 7.30 at the station. My bus stops and I get out. To my surprise, I see Jay already standing there with breakfast in his hands. “Do you even sleep?” I ask him.

“No, I just dream of you, so what’s the point!” he responds.

Okay, I’ll play!

“So, tell me all the things I do to you in your dream?” I respond with a seductive voice. He looks at me with his beautiful big green eyes and chokes on his coffee.

“Aww, and here I thought you liked flirting with me!” I laugh at him and walk to our platform to catch our train.

Think I’m going to like teasing him.

We sit next to each other on the train, and I notice there’s not a lot of space left between us. I can feel his hand brushing mine. He only touched my hand and I’m starting to feel all kinds of things inside of me. Oh my god, I knew that he had an effect on me, but not that it was this much. I can feel his breath on my face and he looks at me intriguingly. I lay my head on his shoulder and his arm slips around me. We sit there melted into each other not saying a word.

When the conductor announces that we have arrived at Rotterdam Station, we startle as if we were in our own world just the two of us. We step out of the train and Jay opens his hand towards me wanting me to hold his hand. I grab it and we walk to the subway. I feel my phone vibrating and see a text from Angie.


Hey Chica, first and second period got cancelled. By the way did you tap that ass already? xx Angie


Thank you for telling me…now I have until noon to tap that ass!


You go girl…better tell me all about it when I see you!


Maybe I have nothing to tell!


Just put your mouth on his lips and the rest is history girl!

I laugh at her text. “What are you laughing about?” Jay asks.

“My first period got cancelled so I don’t have to be at school by noon,” I say with a big smile.

Jay smiles and says, “I know just the place to be,”

I look up to him and say “Let’s go”

It’s strange holding someone’s hand. This is my first time holding someone’s hand in public. Everyone can now see that we belong together. I have a feeling that they are all watching. And I’m a little afraid that somebody will recognise us because if my family or parents would ever find out what I’m doing right now, I would be in so much trouble.

But I don’t care about that now. I just want this feeling to never stop. We take the subway three stops before we get out. We walk to a bridge that looks over a lake. “Wow, amazing view,” I say.

“Indeed,” Jay says while looking at me. I feel him coming closer and taking both off my hands in his.

He bends over his head and stares into my eyes. His lips come closer to mine and he kisses me softly at first.

Jay starts to ease into the kiss and kisses me harder. He opens his mouth and I let him guide me. My throat and body are both on fire. I can feel his hand caressing my neck and his other hand on my back bringing me even closer to him. His hands travel to my butt and he squeezes it a little. I let go for a moment gasping for air. We both take deep breaths and Jay pulls me in for another kiss, but this time he’s a bit sloppy. We stand there kissing for a long time. I can feel a lot of build-up pressure from Jay releasing. That he wants me is obvious because he lets me know with every touch.

I feel his hands traveling to places I don’t want him to go yet. I put my hands on his hands and step back. “Easy tiger,” I say. He stares at me and says “You have no idea how long I’ve been fantasizing about this!”

“I hope I have exceeded your expectations?” I respond and blush.

“Even better and sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect you I just can’t take my hands off you!”

“Jay, you know that this is my first kiss, right?”

He looks surprised. “No, I didn’t. I hope it’s the first of many!” he responds with a satisfying smile on his face.

After a lot of make-out sessions with Jay he drops me off at school and off course Angie is sitting outside with another classmate of mine.

“Someone got lucky!” Angie calls out to us.

“Jay meet Angie, Angie meet Jay,” I respond with a smile on my face.

“Enchante,” Angie responds and holds out her hand like she’s a princess.

“So, you are the lovely Angie. Nice to meet you,” Jay responds and kisses Angie’s hand like a gentleman

“Damn girl, he’s hot. Better watch out before I snatch him,” Angie responds while she devours Jay with her eyes.

“I’m afraid my heart belongs to one girl only,” Jay responds not knowing how to respond to that.

“Aww, see what you did. You made him shy,” I say to Angie while slapping her.

“Yeah, I’m not into shy boys. You can have him,,” Angie responds.

“I wasn’t sharing but thank you for your consent” I respond laughing.

Jay just stands there dumbfounded.

“Aww, honey come here,” I respond and give him a soft peck on his lips.

“I have to go babe, see you tomorrow?” I ask.

Jay nods and gives me another kiss. “I could get used to his,” he responds. And I giggle while walking towards my class.

Author's note:
Jay and Tare finnaly together, do you love this couple?

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