Not In Control

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Chapter 53 Quest To Your Heart

My parents asked me to come over with Alexia. I haven’t seen them much these past weeks but they call often checking up on me. Jazz stops by a lot she’s taking some time off from acting. Making her even more appealing for casting agents. She has turned down a few roles already. She told me she doesn’t want to act out characters that don’t fit her view of mind anymore. She just want to do a part that fits her morals an values.

I love to have everyone back into my life. I miss Jessica sometimes but she left with Carson a few years ago. They both moved to England because of Carson’s parents, his mother got ill and they both decided to take care of them. I miss her and maybe I will visit her soon. We keep in touch but now as often as I liked too. She called me yesterday when she saw the news. I hate that everything is out in the open. I can’t hide from it anymore. Alexia told me to press charges against Zack, she even wants me to tell everything that happened including that I got raped. I don’t know if I’m that strong. Alexia told me that he did this with another woman too. It broke my heart to hear that, maybe that’s the only reason that I want to press charges. Preventing it won’t happen to anyone else. But the thought of telling what happened in public scares me. I haven’t even owned up to myself about it that it really happened to me.

And maybe he will get a lesser sentence if I don’t testify. Telling my story would complicate things for him. The problem is I want to think about it but I have to decide soon. And that pressure is killing me. I don’t want to see Zack ever again. I just want him to rot behind bars for the rest of his life.


“Are you two going to get married?” My mother asks me. I don’t know what has gotten in to her? It’s like Alexia and my mother are best friends and I’m just a third wheel. I don’t know what happened when I was in a coma but thankfully something good came out of it. My father doesn’t look disappointed at me at all but with the same admiration he used to. I don’t know what caused this but maybe because they both almost lost me?

I’m not going to question it, maybe I should?

“I love to marry your daughter someday!” Alexia responds with a smile on her face.

Good answer...someday! Why does this feel like a Deja vu?

“Okay, but don’t wait too long! I want grand children!” my mother tells again. How is Alexia not running away right now?

“Good, because we would like to have a babysitter every now and then. Don’t we Tara?” Alexia tells me while winking at me.

I don’t know what to think about all this. It feels weird hearing my parents talk like this. It’s like we are pretending again. We are pretending that it’s all rainbows and butterflies but it is not!

“Okay, stop it!” I yell with my hands raised high.

Did I just say that out loud?

My parents and Alexia are looking at me with big puppy eyes. There frowns are narrowed towards me. All three looking like frightened little ducks.

“What’s wrong dear?” my mother asks me.

“What’s wrong? Maybe it’s strange but I can’t pretend like we are one big happy family. I love that you both like Alexia and you are finally accepting that loving a woman isn’t wrong. But you both put me through hell, I always did everything to make you both happy. I became a famous architect so you both could be proud of me. But even when that wasn’t enough, I didn’t know what to do. And now we are pretending, I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want you both to be real about everything. I want you both to be proud of me for once!” I stand there trembling that I’m telling my parents how I feel. Never done that I can’t help but to think why I haven’t done this before?

“We were always proud of you Tara” my dad tells me. “I always looked you up on the internet and I have a wall pictures of all the building you designed” he tells me while his eyes are glistening. “I- me and your mother were stupid, the outside world was more important than our own daughters. Jazz, yelled at us when you almost died and I hate that it took that to make me and your mother see things clearly. We love you Tara and we are proud of what you could even accomplish without us!” My father is looking at me with a proud grin on his face. I missed my father looking at me like that. I missed my parents so much that it hurts.

That’s when it all hits me and I let go of all the pain, doubt, hate, grudges and disappointments. I cry hard letting it all out, my bottom lips trembles and I can’t stop. I can’t figure out if these are happy or either sad tears but I have to let go. I have been building all these feelings up inside me and today I can finally let go. Alexia runs towards me and holds me. My parents walk towards me and yell “group hug”, we all stand there for a while. In this moment I can only hope for better days. At last, I feel like my parents are here for me through thick and thin.

“And stop asking about marriage and grandkids before Alex runs away from me” I chuckle through my tears. “Never” Alexia responds. Everyone laughs bit first thing first. I want to let Alexia now how much I love her. And I need to let her know in a special way! I can’t wait to carry out my plan!


I decided to press charges against Zack. I decided to do the right thing. If not for me but for all the other people he could hurt. He destroyed my life but I won’t let him do that to anyone else anymore. He’s going to pay for everything thing he has done!

Christopher tells me that they are going to ask me a lot of personal questions and that I need to explain in details what happened. I thought I would never relive that day but here I am again doing just that. Christopher and Alexia aren’t allowed to take my statement because of their personal connection with me. Alexia is sitting next to me and squeezing my hand while I tell a detective whose name is Jack what happened to me. He’s gentle and nods while he types along with my story. I don’t cry while talking about it, it’s like I can’t anymore. He did this to and me he needs to pay. It does affect me I think it’s something that will be there for the rest of my life but letting it define me is no longer an option for me. After I’m done with my statement Alexia tells Jack that she has evidence and hands him a tape and those panties I got in Dubai. I thought I threw that away but I’m not even made at her for keeping it. All this time she was looking out for me and it’s time I thank her for all she has done for me.


“Do you have done everything I asked for?” I asked Christopher while pacing through my penthouse.

“Yes, yes and yes” I have done everything you asked me to. Everything is in place just like you wanted and I’m here to help her! And my Go Pro is ready to roll! Stop stressing! You will be fine!” Christopher tells me while hugging me.

“Okay, I have to go to the hairdresser and do my makeup and then change. The rest is up to you!” I tell him while patting my fingers on the kitchen counter. I’m anxious, today is the day I prepared everything for. I have been planning this for weeks now. Alexia is at work and she has no clue what’s going to happen. Christopher is picking her up and the whole force is in on it!

“Go look pretty for your girlfriend! And we will see you soon!” Christopher tells me while kissing my forehead. He’s become such a good friend to me. He still is a little protective about me and I like that about him. He hangs around her so often because he’s totally in love with Ana. I love to see those two together. Ana has her final exams next week and after that she can do whatever she wants. She told me that she wants to open her own restaurant in Colombian food and I told her that I would support her in any way possible, but she told me that this is something she needs to do on her own. I’m so proud of her, sure going to miss her around here and it’s going to be hard finding someone that can fill her shoes.


Alexia’s POV

“Where are we going?” I ask Christopher who is telling me to come with him. He’s acting kind of mysterious and I don’t know why?

“We are going to grab a bit to eat!” Christopher tells me. “But I already had lunch” I tell him. “Tag along and just grab a coffee with me, I need to ask you something” he tells me.

“Okay” I tell him. Must be important? I walk over to my desk and grab my jacket and walk out with Christopher. Nobody is even asking me where I am going? Strange, but maybe I’m just paranoid.

“Over here” Christopher tells me. “Tara told me that they have the best chicken sandwiches here” he tells me. “They are good, but not better than the one that she makes herself” I tell Christopher with my head held up high. I’m so proud of her, she’s everything I ever dreamt of in a partner and she’s all mine. Don’t know what I did to deserve her I’m just happy that she is. Christopher smiles and orders us coffee.

“Tell me, what do you want to talk about?” I ask.

But the waiter interrupts me. “There’s a message for you Alexia” he tells me and hands me an envelope. Okay weird a message for me? I open the envelop and on it is says grab you phone an go the website enter the password: Forever.

“Do you know anything about this?” I ask Christopher who’s filming me with a Go Pro and smiles at me.

I guess he does!

I open the website on my phone and enter the password. There’s a video on it and press play. It’s Tara! She says she has a surprise for me...

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