“Everybody’s at war with different things...I’m at war with my own heart sometimes.”
It was like Rachel was looking at Ryan for the first time all over again. She felt the need to cry as she hugged her best friend. There’s so much she wanted to know. So much she wanted to him. Instead, the only thing that came out was a silent sob.
“Well if it isn’t my best friend.” Ryan wrapped his arms around her. He tightly held her as if she was going to run away from him.
“The one and only. Missed me much?”
“You have no idea.” Ryan slightly picked her up and hugged her tighter. “Is this even real? It’s been so long since I held you.”
She left a sloppy kiss on his cheek before she was put down on her feet. How was it possible to miss an individual so much? Rachel never truly realized how much she missed the man until he was standing right in front of her.
The two chatted at a nearby restaurant, where they talked about previous events they missed. It was as if they hadn’t been separated for years. Nothing mattered. Not the past and damn sure not the distance. It was fate that brought them back together.
“Advertising Account Coordinator, huh?” Rachel eyed Ryan.
Ryan was truly the definition of the one that got away. Despite everything they had gone through, Rachel still valued him.
“It started out as a personal assistant job. To be honest, I have no clue how I was promoted.” Ryan shrugged. “At least the pay is good.”
“You damn near run the company, what do you mean you don’t know how you were promoted? You must have done something right.”
“I always manage to fuck things up. I don’t know. I really had no clue what I was doing but was going with the flow. After my mom moved two hours away I was just stuck with no direction. I had nothing to look forward to.”
Ryan had dropped his previous friends shortly after graduation. He was a loner in a big city. Skylar and Rachel had moved to unknown locations, leaving him behind. He couldn’t complain. The people he loved were chasing their dreams.
The only thing he regretted in life was pushing her towards Davis. Because of him, she married the biggest drug dealer in the city. When he finally received word of her marriage he began to panic. Ryan lost it when he went to Carter looking for his best friend. She wasn’t answering his calls nor his texts. Come to find out she left the state without saying anything. He was just about to give up on everything until he received news about a promotion.
“What happened after we last spoke?” Said Ryan. “The last time I saw you we hung out like the old days but there was pain in your eyes. I wanted to question it, but I didn’t want to scare you off.”
Rachel sadly smiled as she si[[ed her drink.
“It’s in the past now. What do I have to be down for when I have the prettiest woman sitting in front of me?” Ran noticed her hesitation didn’t want to push her to reveal anything.
Rachel laughed at his failed attempt to flirt.
It was music to his ears. Music that he missed listening to.
Ryan glanced at her ring finger and smiled unintentionally before quickly diverting his gaze. There was no mark from a wedding ring.
“How are things with... Uhm...”
“Davis?” She said with disgust. “He and I have been separated for years now. Let’s just say, he’s a big part of why I had to move.”
She didn’t even have to say any more than that. Her facial expression, as well as her words, confirmed his theories. Davis had ruined her.
“Everything happens for a reason I guess. I’m just happy to see you doing well now.”
Ryan and Rachel spent hours talking and laughing as if they were the only two people in the restaurant. They talked about Rachel’s externship to Ryan’s job to Ryan dating Sara again. Now they were just single and just living life to the fullest. What top the evening off is when the restaurant started playing the same song that was playing the first time Ryan had asked her to dance. Senior year. Ryan stood to his feet and asked Rachel to dance.
“Wait, right now?” She gave him a puzzled look.
“Of course. Get up before I pick you up.”
“But people are watching.”
“Since when did you start caring that people were watching you?”
She was never the one to care what people thought about her. So she did what she did best. She danced with her long-time best friend. Right there in the middle of the aisle. People watched and smiled fondly as well as the workers. To them, they were looked like a couple in love.
She couldn’t remember the last time she smiled so hard. Well besides Hunter or talking with her girls. When the song ended, Ryan gazed into Rachel’s eyes. It felt like they were back in high school again. Her heart fluttered and her palms began to sweat.
Apart from Jamaica... Ryan was home. But he would never truly be her’s again. Soft awes could be heard before the two broke apart. For a moment they had forgotten where they were.
Eventually, they made their way to the overly sized mall called Arundel Mills. Laughter and jokes could be heard as they made their way out of retail stores. How can it be possible to feel so young again? Ryan welcomed the feeling. More like embraced it. He was unsure when he would be able to see Rachel again, so he was going to cherish the weekend like it was his last.
Rachel groaned while throwing a silent temper tantrum. She bit her lip in an attempt to silence any noise and buried herself up under the soft sheets. Although Ryan was in the shower, she didn’t want him to hear her having a fit. Lost and confused. What the actual fuck was she thinking? She loved the way Ryan would unintentionally make her feelings resurface. But it terrified her. She was at war with her own heart and did not know how to sort out her many feelings.
It was after three in the morning when Rachel and Ryan stumbled into their hotel room. They tried, to the best of their ability, to remain silent to avoid waking the temporary neighbors. The amount of alcohol in their system prevented that. They filled the elevator and the halls with laughter and slurred words.
When they finally made it to the one-bedroom suite, Rachel collapsed on the sofa. She continued to hum to the beat of her favorite Caribbean song while Ryan stumbled into the bathroom. Attempted anyway. He collided into the wall and scoffed as Rachel laughed.
“Your ass-ss ain’t shit.” He rubbed his temple before finally entering the bathroom.
“Please. You love this fat ass.” She slurred as she mimicked her favorite artist.
Rachel pulled out her phone and scrolled through her text messages. The only person that knew where she was going for the weekend was Skylar. She just didn’t know what state she was visiting.
‘The fuck am I doing with my life?’ She asked herself. Rachel refused to acknowledge the butterflies she got in her stomach as well as the emptiness for wanting more. She wanted... no, she craved a relationship that can possibly turn into something more. She wanted to wake up to the person she loved every day. She craved a family. But it just wasn’t in her cards. No one would want a damaged woman. And to be honest, she didn’t want to put a man through any of that.
Besides, she was fine with just satisfying her needs whenever the time came. At least that’s what she told herself. The images of Hunter crossed her mind. The man was rough around the edges but could be gentle when needed. Then Elijah. The man had no gentleness to him. He seemed like the type of person that could be difficult. But then there was Ryan. Her best friend and ex-lover since her adolescent years. Goofy, kind, and overall gentle. The sound of the bathroom door opening interrupted her thoughts.
Rachel snickered as she saw shirtless Ryan scratching his head while looking through his bag. He mumbled some incoherent words before slowly looking at Rachel. He smiled and walked back into the bathroom.
He changed. He no longer looked like the old Ryan she was used to. He looked as if he had been through some things while still managing to keep that smile on his face. A smile that she loved all too well. He was still her Ryan though. She shook her head and turned on pandora.
Moments later and the bathroom door opened again and Ryan walked out the bathroom with a grin on his face.
“Hell noooo. Bitch stawp!” Rachel laughed. “Rythm boo, get you some.” Shaking her head she stood to her feet.
“You hating on my moves, Minnie? That’s how you feel?”
“You gotta show me some moves to hate on.” She laughed. “Cuz baby that ain’t it!”
Ryan stopped dancing and sucked his teeth. “These moves be having all the ladies on me.”
Ryan gave her a pointed look before smiling.
“Move. Let me show you how it’s done.”
The song switched from Sam Smith to P-square.
“Bring that ass over here.” Ryan lazily said. He knew all too well how much he missed seeing her dance on him. Eyes lows and heart-pounding, Ryan groaned as she bends over and began slow whining on him.
Even his rock hard erection didn’t stop Rachel from grinding on him. He grabbed her hips and squeezed slightly. Forcing her body upwards, he turned her around and picked her up. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she continued her teasing. Leaning back with her hands behind her head she continued to slow whine as he supported her legs.
“Don’t start anything you can’t finish, my love.” He said in a low husky voice.
All rational thoughts flew out the window and down the damn street. The buzz she had was making everything feel so damn right... And the way she could feel his erection against her core made her wet.
“I’ll have to call you a bluff.”
What the hell came over her? She used the strength in her legs to pull herself closer to his body. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to the corner of his mouth. She lightly kissed him and watched as he smirked.
Rachel was everything he wanted in a woman. Sassy but classy. Headstrong but knew how and when to act out. She was everything.
Ryan walked to the bed and gently laid her on her back while he settled between her legs.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” He kissed her shoulder before slowly removing the straps. “Do you want me to stop?” He pulled back to look her in the eyes.
Her answer was her removing her top, freeing her pierced breast.
“I don’t remember these.” He smiled in satisfaction. He eyed her well-defined body. How can a woman look even better when aging?
He licked and sucked her nipples, giving both the same amount of attention. She reached to undo his pants before slipping her fingers in his boxers.
“Shit.” He hissed.
Rachel grip tightened around his manhood slightly as she began to pump. His head dipped in the croak of her neck. While she pumped, he unzipped her skirt and slid it past her thick thighs. Groaning in pleasure, he removed her hand from him. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to cum before she did. He was so pent up that he was close to it.
His mouth latched on to her clit and he began rotating it without warning. He grabbed her thighs to prevent her from bucking. Her moans were muffled as her thighs tightened around his head. That didn’t stop him. Even when she came he still ate her out as she squirted on his face. Not leaving her wet pussy unattended. He reached for his bag that was still on the bed and pulled out a condom.
“So you just knew that you were going to get some pussy?”
“Of course I was coming to get my pussy.” He dove back in and attacked her clit while fingering her. Before she could cum again he pulled away.
“I swear if you do not fuck me...”
“You’ll what?” He shoved a finger in her and slowly thrust into her before adding another finger.
Rachel groaned and pushed him. She sat up and pulled Ryan to the bed before quickly staddling him. He placed her hands on his chest while slowly eased her way on his dick.
He gave her an amused grin. He wanted nothing more than to take the condom off and fuck her raw. To finally claim her as his. To feel how wet she was for him.
Rachel began riding him at a slow pace until she became used to his length. As much as he enjoyed watching Rachel use his body to satisfy her needs, he wanted to be in control. He flipped her over, not caring that his things were kicked on the floor.
He put one of her legs on his shoulder and shoved himself into her. She unintentionally arched her back as he pulled out and repeated. Picking up her other leg and placing it on his shoulder, he leaned down to kiss her legs.
“I love you. I’m still in love with you.” He said as he began to pound into her.
With the position, she was in he had hit her spot with every thrust, and with every grind, she screamed his name. Her loud moans and his grunts filled the room as the headboard banged against the wall.
Rachel groaned as she remembered everything she did a few hours prior. At this point, she couldn’t blame the liquor. She ended up fucking Ryan right after he had woken her up with his mouth on her clit. She had ridden him until she came and when she did he thrust into her until he released himself. That wasn’t the reason why she was throwing a fit. Ryan had said that he loved her and before she could say anything he kissed her.