chapter 1 < Not everything I wanted but everything I needed>
My name is Victoria Mae Gibson. And I think my life is pretty average for a teenager. It’s not great but it could definitely be a lot worse. For example I could live in traveling circus. when I’m done with school I want to do something great with my life, break the family streak of mundane life’s. Become someone people can learn from. A legend. I can be a singer, maybe a dancer, writer, business woman, But I don’t know how to start. I might as well be a circus clown, as long as it would pay well I think it wouldn’t be so bad. Some say I have incredibly low standards of great life but I am just realist. You can’t have good life with no money.
What is the epic formula to becoming popular, famous, well known ?
Is it to dress the part. Or to be born with amazing face features, symmetrical face, clear skin, skinny body. Maybe it’s your personality, being funny, kind?. Or maybe it has to do something with being talented at something, anything... If its talent I need to find how to make my lack of talent into talent. Again I could be circus clown. But.. even that requires talent which I do not have.
What if I’m not good at anything. Of course I’m a good student learning as much as I can. But I’m also not the smartest in my class, but I love the feeling when I am the smartest. When teacher says I did the best work, but that’s not what I want to be known for. School grades doesn’t define us as a person. You don’t need to excel at school to be rich or famous. People are known for the stupidest and smallest things. The first step of becoming influential to others is to set good example of showing that you care about yourself, love yourself.
Do I love myself? Yea I think I’m average looking. I’m not ugly, but I’m also not pretty. You know, it really messes up image about yourself when all your childhood you were chubby and not the best looking. I have gotten more pretty than I was and I am not chubby anymore but still I don’t like the way I look. I have gotten a lot of compliments about my hair. I have really thick and naturally curly hair. And a barber once said I have really pretty natural hair color. I don’t love my hair. I like it better straightened and I would like it darker. But when people say I have pretty hair I love the compliments. I don’t think I love myself... I just love compliments. Does that make me a narcissist? I don’t know.
I like to be best... at everything... I would never throw other under the bus to be best. Anyways I am not usually praised for being best, I am just kind of there. Most of the time I am barely existing.
I don’t come from very affectionate family. We are not used to hug each other. Say I love you’s. Congrats on victory’s. We are more like acquaintances I guess. We sometimes ask each other how’s it going but only because its what family’s do. None of my family members really know me, what are my likes and dislikes. Its not like I am eager to let everyone know about me its just would be nice to talk with someone. All I do now it go to reddit and anonymously let my heart out. On the other hand the less people know about me the less chance I’ll get hurt.
In the house I live with my dad Daniel, my younger brother Cameron who just started eight grade. We are going to different schools though. Our mom left us when I was ten years old, she’s and alcoholic. First when she left our home she would at least visit us on holidays but her visits became more rare as time passed. right now the last time I saw her was three years ago. I also have twin sister Veronica Rae but no one besides our family know her. She never vent to school she was homeschooled because she was too afraid of people, mom and mostly dad were trying hard to pay tutor and that made them fight a lot. By the age of thirteen she got better at talking to people. But later it turned out she was drug addict. Where does one even get drugs, she didn’t vent out much because of her anxiety. By the age of 16 she ran away from home, we looked everywhere for her even police got involved but nothing, she just disappeared without saying goodbye. But than few days later she sent us letter where she said to stop looking for her and that she is safe. Later it turned out that she now lives with mum. My dad took it really bad, first mom left and now her. my dad is truly my hero and he and Cameron are everything to me.
It’s my senior year at Highschool. And let me tell you. Highschool is nothing like movies. There is no mean girls whose goal is to ruin your life. Everybody just seems to live their own life. When something embarrassing happens of course they laugh but they forget it within a week.
I wake up to go to school but my dad is already at work. Always working, I rarely see him during the day that’s why I’m mostly home alone with Cameron, but of course at least he has some kind of social life unlike me.
When our mom still lived with us we had trouble with money So I know how is it to have little money. It took my dad some time to get out of dept. Don’t get me wrong I had good life as kid. Maybe I didn’t get everything I wanted but I had everything I needed and for that I am thankful for that. Well everything except a mother...
I went to school by bus and as soon as I arrive I go straight to hang out spot - where me and my friends all meet. I say friends but what I mean is.. we have been together so long that it would be strange if we would split up now, I guess that’s why we are still friends.
Nearing them I see them all sitting down on a park benches and table under a huge maple three chatting like always. I greet everyone and Nora gives me a hug first. As earlier said I am not used to hugging but she is so... its fine I guess. I know Nora the longest and she probably knows the most about me. Nora looks like nature friend from outside, she wears light dresses, braids her blond hair. she wasn’t looking like top model or anything, but there was something about her that made people like her.
Than Layla gives me a hug next. She is this wannabe edgy emo girl. With her short black hair and crow tattoo on her shoulder. Well she dresses the part but acts more like nerdy fangirl. Don’t get me wrong I love her and care for her. She’s just weird in some way. I’ve also know her the least so we are not the bestest friends but she’s really good friends with Nora and she is funny and full of crazy ideas. She is a bit rude to me well... to everyone I guess, but to me I think its just because we are too different.
Then I greet my guy friend Simon with A hit on the shoulder. We have this friendship that we pretend we hate each other and make fun of each other. And... not gonna lie we are pretty good at this act. Simon was athletic guy, he was tall but skinny. He had dark hair, he kind of looked like any average boy.
Then I greet Nora’s boyfriend Alex with a fist bum. He was really buff, you could tell he spent some time at gym. He’s a great guy from outside, quite funny also. The problem is that he and Nora fight a lot, he has even hit her several times, I know that he did but Nora always hides it. That’s pretty much all I can say about him. Nora seems to be happy with him. I can see that they have abusive relationship and I tried to understand Nora but I can’t seem to understand how can you love someone who hurts you. All though.... she says a lot that ‘I don’t know how long we are going to be together I don’t even know if we make IT till schools over’ ..... I’m confused.... what? Okay okay. I have never been in a relationships but if you are together with someone don’t you feel so happy with your other half that you do not worry about breaking up. I seriously do not get that.
“so what’s new?” Layla asks us all as I sit next to Layla and eyeing everyone. During summer they made plans but I never went anywhere with them, so this is the first time meeting them after summer.
Simon speaks up “well... i have new adidas hat. You like it?” He says putting his head down for Layla to see.
She fake laughs “ha. Ha. Yea yea very cool hat. Seriously. How was your summer?”
Nora speaks up “I spent the summer with my aunt in Texas. You know Texas is cooler than you might think. Its not just all cowboys and ... and cows. I had a lot of fun with my cousins there, we build a tree house for my cousins little brothers. Well when I say we I actually mean Jack and Dave did all the work and I just watched. But still I loved this summer and we had so many nights when we were just sitting by the fire and singing to guitar melody. It was so lovely. ” She says with sweet smile. Most of the time I find Nora too sappy and clingy but that’s just how she is.
“Oh cool.” Layla says. “What about you Tori?”
“Well nothing much happened at summer I just mostly were with my family and I worked all summer at that art gallery down the street .But yesterday I went to get ice cream and I saw this...” I got cut off by Layla. I was going to tell a story how I saw that weird kid from last year who everyone thought was dead from drugs.
“Oh my god can I say something” she asks me but speaks anyways” I went to this ice cream place and oh my god, I saw such a cute boy″
″You think every boy is cute″ Simos points out.
she answers laughing it off. ″It’s not my fault every boy is cute″
In the distance in see Jasper approaching us. Jasper isn’t exactly friend to us. You know he is a guy that is kind of just there. He likes to drink and smoke a lot. Simon and Alex and us girls also drink sometimes but Jasper does it daily and we are not into that so I guess that’s why we are not that close. He doesn’t really get invited to our plans ever. But I guess we are somewhat friendly with him.
“Hello girls” he says in a cocky way. And shakes guys hands.
“I saw your snaps. I seamed like you had quite a night” Alex said to Jasper.
“Hey you know. Couple a girls, booze, and chilling with my broskis” he said and high fived both Simon and Alex. So this was his kind of idea of perfect night.
Jasper was my first ever crush. I liked him from six to ninth grade. Why I liked him? He was good looking. He noticed me, joked with me. But he also spanked girls on their buts at the time it didn’t seem like big deal. But now it feels like it was wrong, to hit girls like that. At the time it just meant that he liked us.
So I liked Jasper for a long time. And once he even asked me to be his girlfriend. And... I said no.
I seriously can’t tell you why I did that. I liked him and I still said no. What the hell was I mental? After I said no I regretted it. But its not like I was brave enough to go and talk to him about that. After that it seamed like it didn’t effect him at all. Why would it effect him? he could have almost any girl he wanted. We still were friends but I still liked him until grade nine.
In ninth grade I noticed this boy Liam. He was really good looking with his little man bun and sharp jawline, and he was smarter than most boys, he always knew what to say. And then he noticed me that’s when I started to like him. He was playful with me and joked around. One time we had a really romantic moment he took my hand in his and held it for a moment. Then we talked and that moment felt really sweet.
But after that we turned to be strangers again. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. But still I like him to this day.
We all hear the bell ring and we start heading to our classes. I had social studies by myself out of group but I walked with Layla, our classes were near each other. Books in my hand we walked in school and two boys ran to the exit one chasing another, what looked like in a playful way. As the second one was about to pass us. He dodged me with his shoulder. Making me drop my books out of hands.
“Seriously! ” I shout at him irritated. Because I had a lot of papers in those books and they were now everywhere.
" sorry bout that ” he said looking at me and still running. And as he was almost out of school he slammed into guy that was standing in the doorway.
“Well shit. Sorry man” he said to the guy, patted his shoulder and continued running.
I picked up my papers and the same guy from doorway picked up my books.
“These must be yours.” He said in a low steady voice. He didn’t show any emotion but his eyes seemed to sparkle. That must have been the most sexiest thing ever, like damn. He looked at me with those dazzling grey eyes and I could seriously swore he reeked of bad news. He was wearing black clothes with mid long black coat and he w...
Layla dodged my shoulder to get me out of trance.
I took my books “yea. Thanks” I said to him and he walked around the corner after almost smirking at me. Almost. I probably imagined it.
“Damn he’s good looking” Layla stated ” well anyways he must be new I have never seen him here. Have you? ” she asked me and I shook my head no.
After that we both walked in our separate ways. I was at the social study door when I realized that after weekend all desk mates will be changed. Before I was sitting with this guy named Lucas he was pretty cool I guess. I just hope I don’t have to sit next to someone weird or someone who hates me because every seat is going to be taken.
I enter the classroom and see one empty seat and let me tell you. It sure as hell will not be boring...