Chapter 11 <Don't say anything>
Walking to school as usual I went to the maple three. No matter how shit I felt I always went there. Sometimes being with my friends made me forget my problems sometimes not.
I plopped down next to Simon. I would have sat next to Nora but Alex was sitting by her other side. Alex looked so calm like nothing had happened and so did Nora. If I didn’t know any better I’d say Nora and Alex have the most vanilla relationship I’ve seen. They always seemed so calm and happy and even now they were. I guess nothings ever as it seems.
I didn’t even tried to greet them, I felt completely drained after yesterday. I haven’t really slept, I spent the night watching Lucifer series. But now I understand that I don’t remember single episode because my mind always wondered to grandma, mom, dad, Veronica, Liam... at least today I need to speak with Liam and try to figure out what is happening. Even if he doesn’t want to see me anymore I need him to say that so I stop trying and get back to my pretend love with my crush Liam again. I just hope everything goes back to normal again, I thought holding on to my rose necklace that Liam gifted me. And even if he doesn’t want to see me anymore. Do I need to give the necklace back? I mean won’t that be just awkward?
I didn’t pay much attention to what was going on with my friends. I heard a couple laughter’s and that’s that... it didn’t seem like they were talking about anything important just everyday gossip so I didn’t even bother myself.
Finally when it was time to go to classes I went to biology but Simon caught up to me and spoke “you look bad” he pointed out.
“Gee thanks” I say sarcastically, I know I did, I didn’t get any beauty sleep and it shows.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
I really didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m fine” I simply answer still walking to class.
“MH” he nods and drops the subject and walks the opposite direction. So easily just drops it. Maybe I would want that for change someone would care enough so they stay and try to figure out no matter how tall my wall is.
In the classes nothing interesting happened. After Biology I had class with Mr. White. Usually Liam would be here next to me. But still there was no sign of him. Mr. White talked about environment n stuff like that. I didn’t really listen I just occasionally wrote something down my notepad.
It felt nice that Riley was here. Even if we didn’t sit close it felt good to be in this class, I feel I can be myself with her. She was always easy to talk to it’s like I didn’t need to hide anything because she wouldn’t judge.
But still something was off. It was the set being me. It was empty. And it was my fault. Even if Aaron said it wasn’t I know it was? If I would shut my mouth he would be here. And that’s one reason why I am not sleeping.
Finally my prayers have been listened and the bell rang. Everyone tried to get out as fast as possible. I wasn’t rushing though, in fact I was the last one to exit. But Mr. White called out “Victoria. Can you come for a second” he said from his desk and stood up coming in front.
“You’ve been acting...” he looked for right words” self-isolating yourself again” he pointed out.
Mr. White was one of few people who actually knew the situation with my family. “My grandma came by” I explain “it wasn’t very pleasant visit”
Mr. White sat on his table. “What did she want?” He asked.
I sighted “a forgiveness. I think. But she didn’t ask she just kept saying that she has only good intentions with us.”
“And what do you think her intentions are?” He asked.
“She tried to take us away, she doesn’t have good intentions” I reasoned maybe a little harshly but I wasn’t yelling.
“If she wanted to really take you away because she is a bad person. Why do you think she never got the law involved? “He said.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“If she wanted to do you bad. She would have involved the law. The odds were in her favor your dad was in dept., with no job. If social worker would come to your house at the time the worker would find a bunch of alcohol bottles and horrible living condition. And if your grandmother would took that to court she would get custody of you too very easily.” He explained. “Maybe she wants a second chance. Because you only know what your mother told about her. And every story has multiple sides. You don’t know her side. Maybe she wasn’t anything like your mother told. And maybe she is even worse” he said now standing up. “But you will never know unless you let her explain, and let her in, but not too close just enough to get to know her and let her explain her point of view”
“And after?” I question
“Up to you!” He said. And I thought for a moment. “Thank you” I said and walked out. Just to find Riley waiting for me. Did she hear our conversation? “Hey” she said smiling awkwardly.
Instead of hey I just get straight to the point “how much did you hear?” I ask her but not angry. Because now I know that I have trusted her more than any other of my friends and when time comes I would want to tell her. But of course only if she would ask. I wouldn’t want to get my problems on her and bored her off.
Riley blinked fast before shutting her eyes shut and answering “everything. I’m sorry” she says. She was honest and for that I am thankful.
“It’s okay.” I say to her and just drop the subject. “Hey. Want to go to shop for mars bar?” I ask her.
“I thought you’d never ask.” She says proudly and we walk out.
“So something is bothering you.” Riley pointed out. “Is it just your grandma or something more?”
I let out a sigh “its Liam” I say.
“Your desk mate? What about him?” Riley questions.
“He’s the guy I was talking about.” I explain.
“The one who ghosted you?” She asks and I just nod. “So what? He still isn’t answering? I noticed that he wasn’t in the class today.” She says.
“Yea and that’s the problem. I ’we been meaning to talk to him. What if he hates me?” I say.
“Victoria. Why would he hate you? “She asked, but she didn’t know about the picture.
“Because he did something that I didn’t approve and I think he got mad. And now I realize it wasn’t such a big deal. “I say but Riley stops me and looks straight at me.
“Don’t think that. Liam is a jerk if he can’t explain himself like a man. And what kind of guy leaves with no explanation. He is an asshole.” She says.
“Riley, I really like him” I cried out, but whiteout any tears.
“You are head over heels for that guy.” She stated and took me in for a hug.
After we went to the shop and spent the lunch at the nearby bench we walked back to school to our separate ways.
The last lessons weren’t so bad and they came pretty quickly. I was now sitting at my last lesson, math. The class was about to end and I kept thinking about grandma. What if she really wants what’s best for us? At least she could explain why mom was always so mad at her.
Finally the bell rang, and as soon as it did about three phones in class got notifications, and about a dozen buzzed, at least I heard the ones next to me. Weird for everyone to get message at the same time. Everyone was now shuffling past each other to get out and head home. Some really loud laughs came from boys who were exiting. “Not bad.” One cheered.
One boy came to me and said in a loud voice. “That’s what I’m talking about. Keep up the good work” he said cheering almost in a mocking tone. And left with couple people laughing.
Was this about that message that everyone received. I walked out of the classroom and got my phone from my bag to see if I got it... I open it and I saw that there was a picture sent from a whattsapp group and about hundred messages.
I quickly unlock my phone and open the chat...
It was the picture of naked me when I was at Liam’s place. He didn’t delete it. He lied.
My eyes were full on watering now. I had a lump in my through and stomach. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I looked up from my phone and it felt like everyone was starring. Some were at the lockers smirking at me, even some girls. Some looked discussed. Some looked sorry for me. And a couple of boys were eyeing me up and down. I felt naked just standing there, I felt so small and vulnerable.
I tried to run but my legs gave out. And I fell to the ground and there were laughs all around me, pointing their fingers at me. And I got up as fast as possible, I barely got out because my vision was too blurred from crying. I felt like I was about to puke. I wanted to fall to the ground. I really wanted to die, right now in this place. With everyone watching. I wanted to disappear. I ran as far as I could before there was no people around me and I was at a forest park now.
I thought that here was no one but I came across Aaron, he looks straight at me with worried in his eyes what was he doing here? I couldn’t even stop my tears from spilling out. I just kept walking but to get deeper in the park I needed to pass Aaron.
We were now almost three steps apart. “Victoria...” he started.
I raised my hands up to stop him talking “don’t say anything. Please. Nothing. Nothing at all.” I said with shaky voice and kept walking and thankfully he didn’t fallow.
I found and an empty almost rotten bench and finally sat down but I took my knees to my chest and hugged myself. My through was now hurting from the crying and running. I wanted everything to stop.
Why me? Why? I felt so exposed now. Humiliated. Betrayed. But most of all naive and stupid.
I dug my nails in my palms so hard that bloody nail prints were left. I stayed there until it got dark. Walking few laps around the park. I felt drained out. My tears were wet but rather dry now. There were no more tears left to cry. I needed to get home. But I can’t show them I cried. It would lead to questioning and I don’t want them to know.
I gathered my emotions, bottled them all up. I pulled myself together. I have never felt more fake in my life like I did now. I had stopped crying but my eyes were burning red and the lump in my through felt even bigger.
I walked home holding myself together so I can look somewhat decant.
I reached my house. And as always lights were dimmed. They was a good sigh. I walked in the living room and dad was seated there. With his back turned to me. “Diners in the fridge,” he exclaimed not looking up from his computer.
I walked past him to my room looking down. Entering the room I shut the door and locked it being me. I fell to the ground
And now I let myself cry. I saw my reflection in the little mirror next to my bed, and whit all my force I walked there and shattered it on the floor. I pulled my hair from my head so hard my whole face was red. I needed to know what they were saying.
And then I opened my phone to see what they said about me. There was 200 new messages. A dozen from Riley and dozen calls from her. , One from dad earlier. And the rest from that what Sapp group.
Hah not bad XD. What a slut. Good girl not so good after all. Skank. #freak.
Where do I sign up for some alone time? XD. I would die from embarrassment. Hey let’s start petition #victoriashotsexline. No better #sluttytori XD. HAHA. Guys she is in this group. This keeps getting even better. Maybe she did it on purpose, you know to get business started. Dumbass. XD. She was asking for it. Her tits have now seen whole seniors that a lot of fame in one day. I would be ashamed to be associated to her. Oh don’t be so harsh who wouldn’t want a slutty best friend. XD. Ha-ha you probably would love this. We. Do you think she has patron, only fans account? Well that’s one way to get fame. Yea you never know maybe she will make a sex tape and the boom she is a millionaire. Harahan. Hey Victoria what’s your secret XD. What a dirty slut.
I was a slut, I dirty slut. I won’t be able to go back to school. I won’t be able to walk out of this room. I went to my medicine drawer and pulled out a Tylenol bottle. If I would drink a whole bottle of it it would make me disappear right?
I took them all in my hand and vent to bathroom to get water...
A loud knock on my bedroom doors made me drop them. Whole bathroom floor was covers with pills.
“Hey Tori you okay?” It was my dad asking behind doors.
I swallowed my tears and tried to sound as calm as possible “yea I’m fine. Just tired” I say surprised how calm I sounded.
“Okay goodnight.” he said and left.
Since Tylenol did no good. I noticed the shattered glass on the floor. I picked up one of the bigger peaces and rolled up my sleeve.
And I lowered the glass closer to my skin with my hands shaking badly. My breathing was uneven and loud.
I almost reached my skin and another knock came from door witch frightened me and made me dig the glass a little in my skin and it bleed a little.
It was dad again “Tori there is boy waiting for you at the door.” What? No. No. What if it was Liam? I can’t deal with him now. What if it’s someone who wrote those things in the chat? I can’t.
“Tell him I’m sick or something” I yell.
“Tori. I already tried.” Of course almost forgot no boys are aloud around me. “He says he isn’t leaving until he sees you.”
Okay I can do this. My dad is here so he can’t really say anything mean right now or hurt me. I still couldn’t get the thought out that it’s Liam.
I opened the door and dad stood there now with worried expression. “Tori what’s wrong. “You’ve been crying”. He stated.
“Yea. I’m fine though” I explain and start walking down the stairs and dad calls out “boy problems?” He asked me.
Yes and no. Right now the easiest answer was yes. “Yea. I’ll be fine” I say as fast as possible and almost run downstairs and thankfully he doesn’t fallow.
Down the staircase I wasn’t rushing now. My legs stopped. I was scared of the thought of whoever might be at the door...