Chapter 2 <Not like ghost scary>
You know that feeling you have like everyone is watching you, and you try to convince yourself that they are not but you can’t get the feeling out of your chest, the heavy feeling like there is bag of rocks hanging by a thread and you are waiting that every second it will break and set you free.
But the you realize that nobody was watching... nobody...not even the closest person that sits next to exit because he is too busy looking for dumb pickup lines to make him appear funnier than he actually is.
And that makes you disappointed, because you would secretly love the feeling when everyone takes in your gaze... which is focused on one person whos desk mate seat is free.
I walk to my new seat and put my bag on the table sitting down in my seat. And then he looks at me, actually notices me. “So we are going to be desk mates!” Says full on smiling Liam. Yes the same Liam I have had crush for it seems like the longest time.
“Uh it appears so!” I say and immediately face palm. Who even says that. No. Stop. I’m just over reacting. Its totally common phrase just don’t speak again. I t...
“So what’s up?” He asks me.
“Nothing... why are you asking?” Jesus Victoria Mae why so suspicious sounding, can’t you just make a fricking conversation. Why can’t I make a normal conversation and not be so tense.
“No reason” he says and looks away I was about to ask him the same question but thankfully teacher walked in. I seriously don’t know how to talk to people.
“Good morning class” he says in a strong voice. Mr. White was my favorite teacher because he was one person in school you could actually go and talk about your problems. Mr. white is in his early fifty’s, he’s good looking for his age. The only thing that makes me curious is why doesn’t he have his own family, because I’m sure he would make a great husband and father. Maybe family isn’t what everyone desires. But Mr. White is truly incredible person he likes helping students like me. Hopeless existing creatures who are put on this world to fill up empty space.
In our school we have social worker who is there to help us with what ever is bothering us. But she isn’t quite fitted to the role for being wise and telling us what to do best, encouraging us to do something when nothing is working for us or even talking when you are lonely.
I once went to her because I had what seemed was a panic attack because that was the next day my sister got missing.
I talked to her a little, but after twenty minutes when I wasn’t willing to talk to her without her asking questions and me answering with yes or no. She gave up on me. She gave up on me. She gave up on me. She fucking gave up on me. Well that’s not something new to me.
So then when I was looking like crap from not sleeping and just didn’t pay attention to social studies Mr. White asked me to stay after class. And I did because I just thought it would be something about my school work. If I had known that he wanted to talk about my wellbeing I would not have stayed, but now I am glad I did.
And I actually had a conversation with him, since then when ever I need to talk to someone I go to him. I’m not the only one who goes to him for private little therapy sessions. But he seems to like helping students. He once himself said ‘if I don’t do it then who will.’ But he didn’t mean it in a bad way like he’s the only one doing something helpful. He sees it as ‘every person needs to give some advice back in order to let humanity become understanding.’ And to be honest I never understood what he meant by that. Its not like my crappy advices will make any difference.
“For the ones who don’t know me. I am Mr. White and I’ll be teaching you social studies. I’ll be here all year so try to bare with me. And I am not expecting you all to love social studies. I am here to teach and you are here to learn so lets keep it that easy for anyone who is here unwillingly. ” He looked down at his paper, I’m guessing to look through whose new to this class ” And we have two new students. Riley Hastings and Aaron Jones. Would you mind standing up.” He says and looks for new faces.
I hear someone move from behind me. I look back and it was the same guy that I met earlier, I didn’t even see that he is here because I was too fucking busy thinking about Liam. Great! now the only thing I will be thinking in this class will be Liam. Isn’t that just fucking amazing. Amazing having stupid crush that is not returned. I am already drowning all my hopes that us sitting together will make any difference. I have learned the hard way, if I hope for things I get disappointed. So I try to hope as little as possible.
“Would you mind telling me a little about yourselves?” He asks and Riley speaks first. She had dark brown hair with neon blue ends, dark brow eyes. And she was dressed in checkered white and black pants and white blouse. She also had septum piercing in her nose and couple piercings in her left ear. She was really pretty girl. I could already tell that boys will be all over her. She dressed kind of weird dough I haven’t seen anyone in this school dress like that.
“Well hello everyone my name is Riley. Lets see...I like watching comedy, my favorite place to be at is outside, mostly at night. I just moved here with my family and my two cats, Ringo and Freddy. I am the only child in my family, oh I also love plants, back home before I left I had this room full of plants. In my old school I was called weirdo but its fine. Everybody is a little weird in their own way. And also I...” she stopped for a minute and looked around seeing that everyone was watching her ” actually I think I should stop or I’ll be talking for hours” she says and chuckles at what she said. It seemed like it didn’t even bother her that everyone was looking at her.
“Well that was quite something, you are very good at talking about you. Thank you.” He says. “And Aaron, what do you want to tell us? Any hobbies, your favorite things, anything.” He asked eyeing him, but I didn’t even dare to look back at him, he seemed scary when I met him, not like ghost scary but like he will take you to his secret cabin in forest, slowly torture you and kill you after, scary..
“I’d rather not” was all he said. Well who would have thought, he looks like bad news. he got good looks which can make any girl fall for his twisted mind games. He is mysterious. He wears all black. He doesn’t like talking about his hobbies yuuup he for sure doesn’t seem like serial killer... p.s it was a sarcasm.
“Well I’m sure we will learn more about you as time passes” Mr. White tells and gets back to teaching. Today it’s something about communication. Well that’s just great because apparently I don’t know what that means since I can’t talk to anyone normally.
“So communication. Daniel. Why do you think verbal communication is important?” He asks sitting on his table.
Daniel was a teenage mess. He always slept in lessons, I guess that’s why teachers liked to call him out. His clothes were always wrinkled, hair messy and music blaring through his earbuds. He didn’t have like best friend but he knew how to socialize when needed. He didn’t do it often.
He got more comfortable in his chair “I don’t think it’s that needed in our life” he said in sigh. “You know what I mean, like we have phones, internet, why do we need to focus on verbal things so much. We can just text. You know emojis n stuff.” He said and layed on his desk “hey Mr. white let me give you advice. Maybe you can just give us the talk about how internet is dangerous and we need to be careful about what we put there and bla bla bla” he said and went to sleep. A couple laughs went out in the class. And even Mr. White laughed looking down.
“I think you are all smart enough to know about internet safety and every teacher has given you this talk. But lets focus on todays topic.” He said and started walking towards my seat. He stopped and looked at me “Victoria. What do you think? About the word communication” He asked me because he knew that I always give him my right answer. Maybe its not always correct but its my right answer and Mr. White has thought me that its only right if you yourself truly believe that it is.
“I think that communication is important for maintaining any kind of relationship. Whether it’s friendship, family, love, anything. communication is important because people can express so much feelings by just talking, sometimes their tone says more that their actual meaning of words. And its important to just have some kind of social life. And if you don’t talk then what kind of social life you have. And even not looking at social life. Great communication skills is the key to maintain successful business. ” I take a deep breath “But its not always as easy as it sounds. And sometimes people need to force themselves to communicate.” I say and stop talking because I started talking too much about my feelings.
Time passed without any word and the person I least expected to talk spoke from behind me, Aaron ” it doesn’t need to be hard” he said and continued after a pause. ” if its hard to communicate you are in a wrong company, don’t you think? People can sometimes be horrible and make you feel completely miserable when talking with them” He asked and I could feel him looking at me but I barely turned to him. “And nobody should feel obligated to communicate if its not entirely necessary, there are all kinds of people and there are some kind of people who doesn’t need to communicate for their well being for some time. Not everyone can take in that much individuals before getting to know them. And I believe if you are not comfortable,” he paused “to talk to someone its not worth the tearing down, and pretending someone your not for someone you don’t know. And someone who is not worth it. ” he stopped and I felt like he was talking about me. He must have seen how tense I was talking to Liam, but he was wrong I knew Liam. Its just my stupid introvert ass. “But its just my perspective” he ended his statement.
Mr. White looked between us. “Thank you. Very wise” he said and carried on whit his lesson.
Aaron is definitely something else...
Finally when school was over I met my friends sitting under that maple tree.
“Hey” I greet them but they didn’t seem to notice me because they were talking, or maybe arguing about something.
“Well I’m sorry but deep down you know I’m correct” Layla says looking back at her phone.
“What’s going on?” I ask them. And Simon replies to me because Nora and Layla seemed too angry.
“They are arguing where to go hang out today” he says and laughs” its actually funny” ahh the topic of hanging out, that is something I am not familiar with.
Finally Nora speaks up ” Okay Tori. Where do you want to go today with us?” She asks me.
I took my time answering because I tried to find right words to say I’m not going. That I hate these king of hangout at the mall or cinemas or anywhere. That I hate always being the person that is just sitting with them but not really being there. Because deep down I would want to in the worm sheets of my bed crumbled up and listening to music so loud that I couldn’t hear my own thoughts ” uhh I actually have other plans. Uh you know my aunt Becky is coming to visit.” I lie to her. But in reality I see my aunt only in weddings or funerals. That’s how ‘close’ we are. But its not like my friends would know. I don’t talk about my family with them or about myself.
Its not like I don’t want to its just they have never asked. The only thing they know about my family is the basics. Like that I have brother and dad. And that my mom’s an alcoholic and that’s about it. They don’t know about Veronica.
“Seriously. You never hang out with us. I thought that maybe after summer you would get more fun. You need to throw caution to the wind and do something you would enjoy” Layla spats at me, but doesn’t even look up from her phone.
I was no fun. And I know that, but it hurt what she said, and also she was wrong if she thought I would enjoy wondering around mall while she choses a dress for herself just to dress up for number hundred boy who she has a crush on. Layla has crush on anyone who shows slightest interest in her. She even had crush on Simon and Jasper.
But I guess they understood that I don’t want to go and they dropped the subject. We spend there about half an hour before we all headed home.
Today I wanted to walk home and not ride a bus. My school wasn’t far from home and besides I liked walking home. I had just passed the coffee shop that my grandfather from mothers side worked, after mom left we lost the contact, but it’s for the best I think.
I was walking down the street when I got a text message:
Unknown: Hey ;)
Not much thinking about it I answer.
Me: who is this? And how did you get this number.
Unknown: your secret admirer ;) and where I got your number? That’s a secret.
What secret admirer. This must be some stupid joke. Its not the first time I’m getting random texts. I didn’t even bother to answer but he texted yet again.
Unknown: I am being serious.
Unknown: I was thinking maybe we could get to know each other?
Unknown: what would it take for you to answer?
Me: who are you?
Unknown: it’s Liam Wilson
WTF could it really be him? Shit. Shit. I now understood that I still fucking liked him a lot more than I thought I did. I never stopped liking him. How I know? Because I got this fucking excited without being sure if its him.
Me: how do I know its you?
Unknown: okay.. Name some thing that is in the kitchen.
Unknown: just do it. It will make sense.
Me: okay fine. A pan.
I waited for like a minute and get a text back. And it was selfie of Liam holding a pan. It really was him.
Me: okay I believe you.
Liam: I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for like coffee or something?
Was he asking me on a date?... I couldn’t miss my chance like I did with Jasper, I didn’t like Jasper it was just the thought of saying no to your crush.
Me: okay. When?
Liam: cool. I will figure out when I’m free this week and I will let you know. I just have a really busy schedule. Gtg. Bye
I was really going out with Liam fricking Wilson...