Lex Part One

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21

It's been seven weeks. Basically two months since becoming a shifter hybrid. Del is all kinds of round. She looks like she swallowed a water melon whole. She's got all the symptoms going on. Swollen feet, morning sickness, acne, hair sheding all over the damn place. It's been a bit of a roller coaster with all the mood swings. Oh good lord the mood swings have been pure hell. Like I'm really one to talk, I'll get to that in aminute. But no, seriously one minute she's happy and laughing. The next she's crying or throwing things at me. Which is kinda funny to be honest. She swears the next time around is my turn. But that's a little weird and I try not to think about how that works. Ya know the whole being able to even get myself pregnant while shifted. Not exactly a thought I enjoy spending time on. I try to focus on less disturbing things, like Alex hit a growth spurt and shot up almost a foot. Now he's this strangely tall and awkward almost seven year old. But he goes where I go and no one gives him a hard time about it any more. His place, or should I say status has been established. The princess's adopted son, another princess's fated mate. Kid has some responsibility coming his way that's for sure. I however have tried focusing on meditation and training. I'm becoming a better fighter and learning to channel my new dominant angry streak thing I've got going on. It's a twenty-four hours, seven day a week task. We still don't have much information about my Amazonian lineage or abilities but we have been able to add a few non-wolf traits to Yvonne's list. Like my strike first attitude when I or someone I care about feels threatened. Thanks to that little quirk I've quickly conjured up a reputation for myself. Not things I'm proud of... Another reason why Alex stays at my side. Kind of like a mobile moral compass or conscience. He does his best to keep me from getting into trouble. Yeah I have a six year old baby sitting me. Laugh it up. All seriousness, his presence pushes me to hold onto my self control. Gives me that extra oompf that I need. Trust me, the kid is handy. He's been training right along side me and I don't know if it's all the sneak training he did before or just natural ability but the kid could do some damage and hold his own in fight with the average grown human man. Only real obsticle thus far is brute streangth against a larger opponent. That's because of his age though, it won't be an issue for long at the rate he's growing. Solid five foot already, we're almost eye level with each other. Damned short people genetics.
I still haven't come to terms with my status within the pack. And there are some who, though they have their reasons, aren't fond of me. Hell I'm not fond of me either, atleast not how I came to be here any ways. But I'm trying to adjust. When it's just the family, I feel I have a place. I'm comfortable with that role in my life. Feels natural. But when ever I'm around other pack membeers, even my security team I just feel like a tresspasser. My role becomes a chore. I hate the formalities and the bowed heads. I've never wanted to be suprerior to anyone, just be allowed to be myself and others too. The big house, private security, money that just appears. It makes me uncomfortable and restless. The more restless I get, the more aggitated I get and then there goes my temper. Del has determined I have about a half hour fuse before I start throwing people.
Before she started to show, we had tried going out for a date night to go dancing and play some pool. It used to be someone grabbed my ass and Del was on them before I could blink. But this guy looked at Del and licked his lips. I don't remember much of it but I saw it on a few social media acccounts from bystanders. I felt like total crap. Guy was going to be paralized the rest of his life. Yvonne instead of giving me the low profile and amount of damage I've done lecture I had been expecting litterally gave me a giant cookie. No joke, a giant cookie that had *Congratulations* writen across it. I spent the rest of the week locked in our bedroom in a half shifted state before Del had enough and had me tranqued with some kind of antipsychotic. I deserved it. Yvonne tried to tell me she wasn't condoning my behavior and hadn't meant for me to handle it so badly but she thought in the moment it might ease my guilt if it wasn't made out to be bad thing. I get it, I understand the line of thinking but it didn't help. I still feel horrible. I made sure that all his medical expenses will be paid for and then on for the rest of his life. I went from being this mousey, clumsy, shy nerd type. To well, a raging ball of strength and sharp teeth. Safe to say this has been the hardest year of my life so far and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I've tried telling Del about my feelings and where my thoughts are. How I'm struggling with all eyes being on me every time I step out of our door, the fear of hurting anyone. She tries to be supportive but she can't relate she's had her status and abilties her whole life, she grew up being taught how to act, how to control herself. All the time she's telling me 'Rome wasn't built in aday babe, you gotta give yourself a break.' I do try but it isn't easy for me. There's times where I don't feel as if I'm even the one in control of my body, more like I'm just there to watch. She's also pregant so some of those conversations end up with her crying and yelling at me that I need to stop abusing myself mentally followed by me sleeping in one of the guest rooms. Just because I need alone time and my mind refuse's to believe anything she says. I go into these mental states where I hate myself. I believe I'm a burden to everyone around me. Everyone would be better off with out me. The kicker is though that in those moments I really do believe. Ive become my arch nemesis.

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