Lex Part One

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Mental illness is not common amongst the wolf packs. So finding a way to get therapy has been a struggle, not to mention it takes some serious amounts of drugs to effect me now. We found that out the first time Del tried to tranq me during one of these little break downs. It took twice as much to sedate me as it did a normal wolf and we chalked that up to my being a hybrid. I love Del, Alex, even Yvonne and the twins but I don't think I would have ever chosen this had I been given an actaul choice or had the knowledge of what lay in store for me. I don't know if things are just amplified from my human side or if this is an Amazon trait. Good chance I may never know. Either way though it's a major part of my life and learning to cope is a challenge.
Ok I've wallowed in my self loathing long enough it's time to snap back to reality and pay attention. Where the hell am I any ways? Oh right I'm supposed to be doing breathing exercises and meditating. Letting go of all the negative energy and welcoming only the positive. During my quiet time, when I'm alone is the hardest. I really have to fight that rabbit hole. Most of the time I do alright, but some days it wins. I took a deep breath and watched Alex across from me. He's much better at focusing his energy and controlling his heart rate. So I try to time each of my breathes with his and after a few minutes I feel myself becoming clamer. More at ease and able to focus on what's in front me. In the here and now. His hair is growing out and its starting to cover his eyes. Alittle more each day I see him growing up. I notice the subtle changes. See how my boy will be a handsome man some day and how if he wasn't already mated that I would have to beat some girls away with a stick. I do find some humor in this. Sybles a lucky girl. I hope that when the time comes that they're happy together. Even if it means he won't be a Mama's boy any more. Ugh, crap. Del must be having a another mood swing I can feel the helpless and weepy energy from here. Mind links are just wonderful in that way. I jump to my feet and stretch, "Hey kid, time to go make some tea for mom and get her settled in. She's in a mood again. I'll get the tea and you hide the cookies, I don't need her getting sick again." I said, half laughing. But fully serious. Last time she sat on the couch crying into her tea and shoving cookies in her mouth between sobs. It was not a pretty sight, then she threw up every freaking where. I had to call for back up. I couldn't handle clean up duty on my own. A strong stomach was not a perk of becoming a shifter. We grabbed our stuff and headed towards the kitchen. We turned one of the bed rooms into a 'Zen Zone'. I don't know. Alex came up with the name, I just live here. I started the water in the kettle and began pulling stuff out of the pantry for dinner. I planned to make steaks with loaded baked potatoes and fresh asperagus. One of Del's favorites. Alex eats everything so his opinion on my cooking kinda doesn't count. Pretty sure I could put a plate of soggy cardboard in front of him. He'd eat it with a smile on his face and tell me it was delicious. At first I thought he was just being a kiss ass but it didn't take long to figure out the kid just eats everything and I mean everything. I caught him drinking spoiled milk that was two weeks past it's expiration date from his mini fridge. Need less to say I took the fridge away.
Del waddled in to stand next to me, she placed her head on my shoulder and sniffled. I really feel for her. Being pregnant is hard on your body, I feel all her aches and pains. Last week she had some false contractions and that shit was awful! Let me tell you. I swear on all that is holy, I'm terrified of her going into labor. Being able to feel everything she does, how the hell am I supposed to focus in order to deliver the baby. Which I have yet to be able to talk my way out of. She smacked my arm, "And you're not going to." she growls. "Yo come on, what did we talk about. You're supposed to stay out of my head." I said, my voice a little raised and accusing. But she just laughed. Ignoring me. I pulled a mug from the cabinet, that I can now find on my own and got her tea set up for her. Del perched on one of the stools and began dunking a tea sift thingy in the water. Alex turned and headed for the door. "Uh where are you going?", called after him. My first thought was she busted him with the cookies. But he pulled his dirty shirt away from him and then sniffed his arm pit. "I stink from training mom." She eyed him and then nodded towards the door. He took off like a bat out of hell. I'm pretty sure she already knew what we were up to but let us have this one. Atleast for now. After dinner was done and we all sat around the table rubbing our distended bellys. Del cleared her throat, "I was thinking Henry is a good name for a boy." I choked on my own spit. No she did not. We are in no mway in hell naming the baby after my fucking Father. Nope. Not going to happen. Over my dead body. "You're kidding me right?" Del folded her hands over her belly and crooked an eye brow at me. "Well I don't see you coming up with any ideas and we're running out of time. So far you've shot down Alestair, Giovanni, Demetri, Darwin and Ezra. You have got to give me something babe." I couldn't control my face. The dirty look I was giving her right now was not a conscious move on my part but it still made her eyebrow crook even more. Deep breath Lex. I gulped down some water to buy myself time before answering. "Alex you can take off.", he was gone before I even finished my sentence. I turned in my chair towards Del, "You're wrong. I've been giving it some thought. Alex and I basically have the same name. I was thinking maybe we name this baby after you. Cordelia or Cordel. Maybe even Corey which could be neutral since we don't know what the gender will be until it get's here." Del's eyes were starting to tear up. Crap. Freaking hormones. Within a second she had gone from stubborn and defiant to sentimental and mushy. "I love that idea." She sniffled at me as I walked over and wrapped my arms around her in an attempt to comfort her. So it was settled. One way or the other the baby would be named after Del. But I still don't think I can deliver it come D day.
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