I'm quiet in the car and don't pay attention to Mike, who is discussing moving plans and business deals.
I try not to think about everyone I was being forced to leave behind but I can't help recall each and everyone of them;
I'd lost Karl - the best father figure I'd ever had. Who always looked out for me like a daughter, and made me feel welcome in my new house before anyone else.
I'd lost Sandra - another mother, she had always took the time to check in with me and make sure I was okay. She would have done anything to keep a smile on my face.
I'd lost the twins - Lucas and Jamie, who I always saw as older brothers, there to protect me and make me laugh.
I'd lost Sam - who had recently trusted me enough to see his most private art pieces, he had so much talent and I was blown away by how much he'd come to trust me and act around me - remembering how nervous he was when I first arrived.
I'd miss Nathan and Carla - I hoped Nath would finally confide in someone his secrets, just like he'd done with me... Now that I wasn't going to be there for him he needed someone.
Carla had always made me smile and even though I didn't want to be in this situation, to protect her I would do it a hundred times over.
I'd miss Ben and Taylor - knowing I wouldn't be able to watch them grow up and become just as amazing as the rest of their siblings.
I'd miss Aiden - the love of my life. My Mr perfect. Who had made me stronger than I thought possible and shown me love I didn't think was real.
It wasn't just the Spencer's I'd miss though, I take a moment to remember my friends as well; Cameron, Kim, Anna, Ollie and Matt....
I couldn't believe someone so young could lose so much, but I was proof of that.
I wondered how often I would need to think of them, just for me to keep going and stay strong.
It would probably have to be a lot.