I didn't go to school on Monday or Tuesday.
I decided to take some time to sort through my feelings and go back to school on Wednesday.
I spent Monday and Tuesday in my bed watching anime and sketching. I couldn't bring myself to sketch Clayton like I usually would. It was as if he wasn't my muse anymore and that just made me feel worse.
So basically I spent two days sulking. Sue me.
When I got to school on Wednesday I saw Brittany hanging off of Jake's arm.
Moved on already I see. But of course I didn't expect her to wait long. She's like a leach. She sucks the life out of people and moves on. It's just another day to her.
I didn't see Clayton's bike in his spot where he usually parks, so I kept walking to my locker.
I decided to try and avoid him at all costs. No matter what. I couldn't bring myself to face him after what I said. He knows how I feel about him now... and that's scary. He's never known... always oblivious. But now he's not and I can't see him. Not yet.
The day went by quite quickly and I overheard Justin (one of Clayton's friends) say that Clayton went somewhere and won't be back till this weekend.
Now I can stop looking down the halls to see if I see him so that I can run the other way. It would be quite difficult to avoid him if he we're here.
But I still wonder where he went.
Is he okay? Is he avoiding me?
He most probably doesn't want to see me ever again. I mean imagine if your childhood friend of over twelve years tells you that their in love with you.
What would you do?
I'd run away. And I know that that's what Clayton is doing too.
The week went by like normal. The only strange thing is that nobody had said a word to me since last week.
No name calling.
I just think Brittany gave up on me. She's got a new boy toy now. At least I don't have to worry about that anymore. She can leach off of someone else now. Clayton is safely out of her reach. Even though I don't know where he is... Anywhere is better then in her grubby mits.
As I was walking out of music class on Friday after school I saw people putting posters up in the halls.
I picked one up and saw that it was a poster for Prom. Apparently we're doing Starry Night as our theme this year.
I immediately picture the halls decorated in lights and the school hall filled with girls in dresses and boys in their suits.
I shake my head to get rid of the ridiculous thoughts. I could never go to Prom. I'd be that awkward girl sitting in the back with no one to dance with.
I'm not going.
I never go.
It's Sunday night and I'm looking at my feed on Instagram. I see that everyone is posting how excited they are about the prom and can't wait till Friday night (Prom Night).
Sigh. I put my phone away and pick up the sketch I was busy with.
This is going to be a long and lonely week. I haven't seen or heard of Clayton the whole week and I thought it was better that way, but I miss home so much. I miss his signature smirk and the sound of his motorcycle as he gets to school.
I miss hearing him calling me 'babe'. I miss his rainy day type smell. I miss him.
I miss you Clayton.