Round and Round We Go
It had been almost three weeks since I had gone out with Kendra. Even though that Friday had not been fun, I still kept the date on Saturday with the guy that I had met using the app. I did not think that it was a bad date. We went and had dinner, laughed, and got to know each other. Then I never heard from him again. Kendra told me this was called ghosting.
Since then I had been on a few more dates, some were alright, and others were downright atrocious. I was just coming home from one of the atrocious dates. Kendra was on the front porch when I walked up.
“Hey so how was your night?” She asked me, taking a drag of her cigarette.
“Well considering I left here less than an hour ago, I would say it did not go great at all.” I tell her fully exasperated by the experience.
“Tell me what happened.” Kendra pats the step beside her, and I gladly sit down.
“Well we got to the restaurant and everything was going fine at first. We ordered, and as soon as the waitress left the table, he asked me if I gave good head. So, I waited until he went to the bathroom, and then I left.”
Kendra is laughing so hard tears are starting to form in her eyes. Finally, she catches her breath. “Oh, I am so sorry, but that is kind of funny. Was he at least cute? Sorry that was the wrong question to ask.”
“Kendra it really is not funny. I hate this new dating world. Most of the guys that match with me on that app are looking for sex or are hoping that I send them nude pictures. The ones that actually go on dates either want sex the first night, or do not ever call me back. It is all so confusing to me. What happened to forming actual relationships?” Everything I said was true, it seemed like the entire world was focused on one-night stands and jumping straight into bed with someone. Romance had died, and carnal pleasures were the new in thing. I had never been that kind of girl. One of my biggest fears in life was sexually transmitted diseases so I had never been one to randomly sleep around. I had never had casual sex, and I had certainly never had a one-night stand with anyone.
“Noel, I hate to ask this, but have you ever considered just having a friend with benefits?” Kendra watches me closely as she asks this question, trying to gauge my reaction.
“Not really, I mean I understand the concept behind it, but I doubt it works in real life. One person or the other will always get attached. Plus, I never seen myself as that type of girl. I have never done the casual sex thing. I have never had sex with anyone that I did not have feelings for.” I felt childish admitting this to Kendra. I knew how Kendra lived her life, and I never judged her for it. I just do not think that I can do the same.
“Well maybe you should seriously consider it. You do not want to jump right into another relationship right away. Dating has changed, most people are just after sex. Find someone that you can just have sex with. No offense but you need to get laid.” Kendra was serious about finding a friend with benefits.
“I just do not think that I can have random sex with people. For one the only guys that I am friends with, we happen to work with and that just screams awkwardness at work. I do not really know any guys outside of work, and I am terrified of catching some disease.” I hated to admit to myself, but Kendra’s idea sparked some curiosity inside me. What would it be like to sleep with a random stranger? Could I actually go through with it? Perhaps my ideals were completely ancient, and it was I that needed to adapt to a faster pace life.
“No, you cannot sleep with anyone from work. Those guys are gross, and it would make work weird. Not too mention you want it to be casual, and if you are seeing the guy everyday then it is not casual. So, all we need to do is find you a friend, that is completely ok with you using him for his dick.” Kendra lets out a laugh, and I can assume my face is currently ten shades of red. I have no idea how in the world I am going to have sex with some random guy when the thought alone is enough to have me blushing. “Alright now down to the serious business of finding you a friend to play with.” Kendra smacks her hands together somehow more excited about this prospect than I am.
“Kendra wait, I do not know if I can do this.” My nerves have finally caught up to me. “I do not even know how to do this. I mean do you kiss; do you go out to dinner first? How do I know he does not have some kind of disease?” I am talking fast because I am beginning to panic. I do not do well with meeting people; I am shy at first until I am comfortable then I open up.
“Oh wow, um ok I can see we have a lot of work before us. First of all, take a deep breath, and I will tell you everything that I know about having a little plaything.” Kendra sits back down beside me on the steps on the porch and takes my hand in hers. “So, no there is no dinner, no dating, no movies, and absolutely no cuddling. When we find you a guy you need to be upfront and honest, it is just sex. Two people finding nothing but physical release, and then going their separate ways. Nothing more than that, or else feelings will develop. As far as kissing that is up to you, and him. I mean some people find kissing more intimate than sex itself. Honey, it really is just sex, you meet up, you screw, possibly smoke a cigarette, and go your separate ways. When it comes to diseases, Noel you make sure that he wears a condom. I do not mean make sure he has one, I mean you buy some you take one, and you make sure that it is on.” Kendra is massaging my hand the entire time she is explaining this to me.
I still do not know if this is the right answer. It seems weird to me, a concept more foreign than aliens. On the other hand, I was incredibly curious. I liked having sex, and it had been a long time since I had a man touch me in any sort of physical manner. I was curious to see how this would play out. It has been over a decade since a man other than Donavon has touched me. How would it feel to kiss someone else’s lips, to feel their hands?
“Ok if I decide to try this though, how would I even find a guy? I do not know anyone, and please do not take offense to this but I do not want to sleep with anyone that you have already slept with.” I was not trying to be rude to Kendra, but I look at her like a sister now and I am not into sharing guys.
“No with us living together that would be way too weird besides, I am not into sharing either.” Kendra laughs. She takes a moment to think about where to find the perfect playmate for me. “I got it, I know exactly where we can find what you need.” Kendra grabs her phone, and starts looking up what I am assuming is another app. “Have you ever used community talk?” Kendra has a spark in her eyes, and I am confused about her question.
“Yeah I have used community talk to sell stuff, it is an online yard sale site.” I am really confused about Kendra’s line of questioning and where she was headed with this.
“Yes, it is a yard sale site, but there is a spot for personal ads. I bet we can land you the perfect boy toy. Think about it Noel, it is the perfect way to find exactly what you need. Guys post ads on here all the time, so we just need to find the perfect one and respond to it.” Kendra is already scrolling through the personal ads. I am quickly losing any desire to do this. Somehow it seems wrong, and a little like I am being a hooker.
“Kendra this does not feel right. I feel like I am being a hooker right now.” Even I can here the nasally whine in my voice.
“You are looking at this the wrong way Noel. Think of it like online shopping. You are browsing the goods, without having to talk to any annoying salespeople. Then when you find something you might like to try on you send it a message. If you like the response then you can move on farther, and if not, it is really easy to hit the block button on your email.” Kendra is trying to convince me that it is like online shopping. Her explanation does make a little sense though, and it is helping to put me at ease about the whole situation.
“Ok I guess that makes sense. Wait where do I meet up with the person at though? Like do I go to their house, or to a hotel because they are not coming here. I mean the kids live here.” I start rambling as my nerves jump again and I start looking for new ways to get out of this.
“Chill you can either go to their place, after giving me the address or you could get them to spring for a hotel. Either way I am going to know where you are, and I will expect hourly check ins.” Kendra points her finger at me like she is instructing a child. I guess in a way she is because I have never done anything like this before. It is comforting to know that she is worried about me and wants me to check in so often.
Kendra and I spent most of the night laughing on the front porch over some of the ads that she read off of there. Some ads were creepy, looking for girls with specific fetishes like feet. Some ads were plain desperate with guys talking about how it had been years, and how they just want to spoil a woman. I lost and almost fell off the porch laughing as Kendra read off an ad where a guy was asking for a woman that he could dress up as a doll, and give her a sponge bath and he even promised that he had a rubber ducky.
“Kendra these guys are freaks. Oh, my goodness no wonder they have ads on here, no sane woman could deal with them.”
“Noel you are not looking for a date remember. You are looking for someone that wants to have casual sex, and casual sex only. Ok I have to use the bathroom, here you keep looking and see if you find anything that sparks your interest.” Kendra hands me her phone, as she stands up and goes into the house.
I continue browsing through the ads, surprised that so many people have posted on here. Finally, a headline caught my eye, it simply said just sex. I was a little nervous as I clicked it open.
Sex that is all I am looking for. I do not want a relationship. I am serious I do not want a relationship, just sex. I am a white dude, late thirties, have some tats, short hair, and I have a big dick. Disease and drug free except alcohol. If this is what you are looking for than hit me up, if not move on.
The boldness of his ad awoken something within me. It was shocking to read at first, but I appreciated the honesty that went into the ad. This man knew exactly what he wanted, and what he did not want. If I were truly honest with myself everything that he put in his ad was exactly why I was on this site to begin with. I was debating on whether or write him back or not when Kendra came back outside.
“Did you find something interesting; you have that look?” Kendra wastes no time in her questioning.
“I may have found exactly what we were looking for.” I show Kendra the ad, and she shakes her head yes.
“Now all you have to do is hit that reply button and figure out a time for you two to hook up.” Kendra pulls me into a hug. “My little protégé is growing up.” She says with mock tears in her voice. We both crack up laughing.
“Alright but what do I say back in my reply?” I really did not know what to say back to him.
“Noel you say hey seen your ad, that is exactly what I am looking for so let’s make it happen.” Kendra says with a laugh.
“What if he is really fat, and disgusting? Or worse what if he is really ugly?” My nerves are back again.
“You make a good point. Ok so message him let him know that you are interested and see if he will send you a photo. Then you can decide if you really want to do this. If not than we can go back and find another ad.” Kendra made me feel better when she suggested asking for a photo.
With shaking hands, I hit the reply button. I wrote that I was interested and asked for a photo. It was basically similar to an email. Satisfied I hit the send button. Now there was nothing to do but wait and see if he would reply. Kendra popped into the house and grabbed a bottle of wine. She popped the top and came back out on the porch. We sat in silence and passed the bottle back and forth. I was caught by surprise when my phone dinged.
“Kendra, he freaking replied. He is asking if I am real, or a bot. What the heck is a bot?” I look at Kendra to answer my question.
“A bot is like spam. They send random automated messages and it looks like it is a real person at first, but then they always try to get you to click on some webpage. It usually turns out to be porn, but I have heard that some of those messages can contain viruses that infect phones and computers.” I am a little surprised that Kendra had that much information about bots.
“So, I just email him back and say no I am not a bot, or should I send a picture?” I ask Kendra, feeling more and more like I am a fish out of water.
“No do not send a picture first, make him send one. I got it, send him a message back saying you are not a bot. Let him know that it rained in town this morning but got very warm this afternoon. Then he will know that you are real.” I thought it was weird that Kendra did not want me to send a picture first, but I agreed to do what she said. I quickly texted out the message and hit send on the email.
This time his response time is quick. I open the message and he says that he believes that I am real. He goes on to ask if I am seriously only seeking sex. He reiterates that he is not looking for a relationship, that he does not have time for one. I am a little disappointed that he did not include a picture. I really do not want to keep emailing him back and forth if I do not even find him a little attractive.
I hit the reply button and decide that I am going to be bluntly honest with this guy. I tell him that I am not looking for a relationship, and that I am currently going through a divorce. The last thing I want is to be tied down. I am looking for sex, and only sex. I ask again for a picture of him. Then I hit the send button. Hopefully, the next time he writes back he will include a picture.
It takes him a little longer this time to reply, but I am looking forward to opening his email when my phone pings. This time he did include a picture. The picture is a bit grainy, but since I do not have a great phone, I cannot fault him for that. He is not what I would consider going for traditionally. He was scruffy with a five o’clock shadow and a goatee. He was a bit thinner than what I was used to. You could tell from his picture that this guy has a major cocky attitude as well. He is what I would consider a bad boy, again not my usual type but I had to admit he was hot.
“Did he send a picture yet?” Somehow it was like Kendra has psychic powers and knew that I was staring at his picture. I shake my head yes and she comes over and takes a look at him. “He is pretty skinny, and you can tell that he has an attitude. You might need that though, so I say go for it.” Kendra puts in her two cents.
“Why would I need someone with an attitude?”
“Noel you are not the kind of girl that makes the first move, or at least you are not that girl yet. You need someone that can take control of a situation. You need someone to push you up against a wall, grip your hair in his hands, and kiss you until your brain stops running a marathon. I am serious you should hit him up.”
Kendra is right, I am too shy to make the first move with anyone. I will need someone that can take control of the situation. Someone that can move things along, because if it is left to me, we will stand there staring at our shoes shuffling our feet all night. I am pulled out of my thoughts as my phone pings again. It is another email from him asking for a picture of me. I tell Kendra this and she says that since he already sent one that I should send one back.
I attach a photo and send an email back to him telling him that I liked his picture. It took him a while to respond and I was nervous opening his email. To my surprise he was calling me hot and asking when and where we could hook up.
I send him a message back saying thank you for the compliment. I tell him that we can not hook up at my place because of room mates and kids. The truth is I do not know this guy and I do not want him knowing where I live. I also let him know what my schedule looks like for the next couple of days.
He replies quickly and tells me that we can not hook up at his place either because he is a single father, but that he knows of a place. I got a little nervous when he says that, but I take into consideration that Kendra will know where I am, plus I will have my cell phone too. I was a little shocked when he suggested that we hook up tonight though.
Was I really ready to go do this? Could I randomly hook up with some guy that I met on the internet? I take a moment before I reply back to him. I ask him where he wants to meet up and let him know that I am available tonight. I hit the send button before I can talk myself out of it. If I am really going to do this, I may as well do it tonight. Sink or swim it was time to find out if I could be the kind of woman that has casual sex.