To Be or Not To Be
“Mom I need you to sign this form, we are taking a field trip.” My eldest son was holding a paper out for me to sign, as I am in the kitchen stirring noodles for dinner.
“Alright just set it on the table, I will sign it after I finish up dinner. What are the other kids doing?” I ask Levi.
“Savannah is reading a book, and Jacob is currently playing a game upstairs.” Levi said with a sigh.
“What is wrong kiddo? You seem down.” I ask him out of curiosity.
“I am not down, just bored. Shawn is at a birthday party, and Kenny is at his dads house.” Shawn and Kenny are Levi’s best friends and they can usually be found hanging out together during the day. My son goes quiet for a moment before he gets a little nervous. “Mom, um are we going to have to go to Dad’s house, like Kenny does?”
I take a deep breath trying to decide if I should be completely honest with my son. As a general rule, I do not lie to my kids. I had always figured that if I lied to them, then we would never trust me when it came to the bigger things. “Ok well honestly I do not know right now. Your dad does not have his own apartment yet, and he says that he is really busy with school. This whole thing is new to us, and I do not have all the answers right now.” I decide to go with vague honesty, hoping that it will satisfy his curiosity for the moment. Lucky for me, my son shakes his head in acknowledgement, and starts talking about his field trip.
After Levi tells me all about his field trip, he wanders off to go play video games with his brother. I take a huge breath trying to calm my nerves. I knew that eventually the kids would have questions about their dad. I also knew that soon rather than later Donavon and I are going to need to sit down and discuss what the game plan is as far as visitation. I guess there is no time like the present and after I drain the noodles, I pull my phone out and dial Donavon.
“I am really busy right now, what do you want Noel?” Great of course I would catch Donavon in a foul mood.
“Levi was asking me about visitation, and I did not have any answers to give him. We need to get this figured out Donavon, not just for us but for the kids.” I am hoping that I can appeal to his softer side by bringing up the kids. Once upon a time he was an amazing father, maybe that guy is still in there somewhere.
“Noel did you really call me over that crap? I am busy it is almost finals week, and I do not even have my own apartment. So, it is not like I can really do anything about visitation right now Noel.” Well evidently, I am not going to be able to bring his softer side out. Hearing his harsh tone through the phone is building my anger though. He cheated on me; he destroyed our family so no he should not get to talk to me this way.
“Maybe if you had been studying for finals, instead of banging young college girls than you would feel more prepared. I realize you do not have your own apartment Donavon; I have offered to let you visit the kids here at the house. You let me know if you can figure out some time that you can actually see your kids.” I do not give him time to respond, instead I hang up the phone. I am over his poor attitude, and his progressive mood swings. He should be groveling at my feet, not acting like a jerk.
I angerly finish mixing the spaghetti up and take the garlic bread out of the oven. I serve the kids up a plate and start cleaning up the kitchen. Somehow angrily scrubbing the counters, and the stove was making me feel better about the conversation I had with Donavon.
The conversations between Donavon and I had been perplexing to say the least. Some days he was very apologetic, begging me to take him back. He even offered to go to counseling with me to see if we could make our marriage work. Other days he was super aggressive blaming me for him having to couch surf, and for him being low on funds. Some days he claims it was the alcohol that made him do it, other times he held me personally to blame for his cheating. Donavon liked to throw it in my face that I was no longer a fun person. We did not go to concerts; we did not go out drinking or to parties. I kept reminding him that we had children, and they needed to come first.
Once I would start talking about the children though Donavon would shut down. I had offered for him to see the kids at the house, or the park. In a moment of weakness, I even offered him gas money to come and see the kids, and he declined. It was like he was completely withdrawn from even speaking about the children. My heart was breaking for my children.
My phone vibrating brought me out of my thoughts. Looking down I seen that I had a new text message. It was Jayce, asking what I was doing. I had not expected to hear from him so soon. Hearing from Jayce brought back all the memories of last night. I am still shocked at myself for having sex with a stranger. Even though it was mind blowing sex.
I am a little worried about how to answer him, I still do not know the ins and outs of the hook up culture and Kendra is still at work. Shrugging my hesitations aside I write back and tell him that I just finished cleaning up after dinner and ask what he is up to. He tells me that he just watched a movie and is bored. He quickly sends a second message asking if I would be interested in meeting up again tonight.
I think over his proposal and I really want to say yes, but should I. Is it too soon? I loved every moment of the sex we had last night, and even though I was a little sore I would not mind experience those mind-blowing orgasms again. I have to work tomorrow morning though, and I am tired. If I do go it needs to be earlier than last night. I send him a quick text letting him know that I will see if my roommate will watch the kids. I also tell him that because of work we would need to make it a little earlier than yesterday. He lets me know that if I can that would be fine, and to let him know if I am able to come over or not.
Sex with Jayce would be great right now. Cleaning is helping me release some of my frustrations from my phone call with Donavon but imagining Jayce’s cock pushing deep inside me seems like a much more fun outlet. Just imagining the whole scenario is making me wet. I try to push those thoughts out of my head, Kendra is not even home yet, and I do not know if she has plans.
Thinking of Kendra reminds me that I need to sit down with her and discuss the bill situation. We are quickly approaching a new month and so far, Kendra has not kept up her deal with me to help with bills or food. She has helped with the children, and I am very grateful for that. She has also helped clean the house, and of course she has been a great shoulder for me to cry on. I truly do not know where I would be without having Kendra to vent to.
I turn some music on and start sweeping the dining room floor. There is something fun about shaking my butt around sweeping and jamming to late nineties music. Pop songs fill the house, and the kids filter down and laugh at their mom singing out loud, as she is cleaning. My phone starts vibrating, and I look down and see a text from Jayce. I open the message and I am a little surprised that it is a picture of him fully erect, and nude.
Although I had heard of the term dick pic, this was my first time getting one, and I have to admit it was a turn on. I quickly sent him a message telling him that he was hot, and I liked the photo. In his cocky way he let me know that it was motivation to talk my roommate into watching the kids. Some people may not appreciate his attitude, but there was something about Jayce that turned me on. I like that he took charge and pursued what he wants.
Kendra walks in the door finally off her shift. “Hey chick, you still glowing from last night I see.” She teases me as she kicks her shoes off getting comfortable.
“How was work?” Kendra was picking up more shifts, and I wanted to support her.
“It was busy, but it went by quickly. I am so glad to be home though. I am going to crack open a bottle of wine, take a bath, and just chill watching movies tonight.” I was really happy to hear that Kendra did not have any plans for tonight. I waited while she heated up her dinner and got a little more settled.
“Since you are not going out tonight, would you mind watching the kids after I put them to bed?” I ask her shyly.
“No, I do not mind at all. Where are you headed?” Kendra asks me curious. I am not the type to hit the town two nights in a row, even though I have been going out more.
“Jayce texted me and wanted to see if I wanted a repeat performance.” I giggle a little as I tell her about our conversation and the picture, he sent me.
“Noel just be careful. You both said that you do not want a relationship, and this is two nights in a row. I am not trying to steal your thunder, just checking to make sure that you are not developing feelings for a guy that has flat out said that he does not want a relationship.” Kendra warns me softly. I know that she is trying to watch out for me.
“The only feelings I have for him are lust. We do not even talk Kendra, hard to have feelings for a guy that I know almost nothing about.” I reassure her with a laugh.
Kendra finishes up her meal, and heads to take a bath. It is starting to get late so I let Jayce know that I will be over soon. I head upstairs getting the kids into bed and telling them how much I love them. Once I get back downstairs Kendra is already on the couch, munching a bag of chips and drinking some wine.
“Alright I am going to head out. I do not want to be out as late as I was yesterday.”
“Are you headed to the same spot? I know you were there last night, but I do not trust him, so I still want to know where you are at.” I let Kendra know that yes, I am headed to the same spot. I reconfirm with her that she has Jayce’s number still. With that settled I grab my jacket and my keys.
I pull in and park where I did the night before. This time Jayce is already waiting for me, outside smoking a cigarette. He flicks it away as I step out of the car. When I am close enough, he grabs my hand and pulls me to him with a searing kiss that has my body enflamed in an instant. He is a bit rougher tonight, wrapping his hands in my hair, demanding access with his tongue to my mouth. The night air is turning chilly, but I do not feel the bite due to the desire now coursing through me. Breaking his lips from mine, Jayce takes my hand, and leads me into the building once again, down the hallway and into the same bathroom we were in last night.
For a second night in a row Jayce does not let me down. He was rougher tonight, like he was trying to outrun some demon and I was his safe haven. I loved every moment of it. I liked the way that he nipped my neck, the way he pulled my hair. Feeling every inch of his thick, hard cock ramming into me over and over. He never hurt me, but it was more aggressive than the previous night. Jayce still made sure that I had more than one orgasm, before he finished. It was vastly different for me to have a lover that cared if I took pleasure in sex. When we had finished, Jayce once again walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight.
That night as I was falling asleep, I thought about the differences between Jayce and Donavon. When Donavon and I were first intimate he would kiss me, and there was at least some foreplay. It quickly stopped though, and sex became more routine. Although Jayce and I had only had sex twice, he was already mixing things up, keeping it exciting. The difference was like night and day, and I was enjoying the change. A small pang of regret shot through me as I wondered if Donavon and I had switched things up, if we would have been more adventurous sexually would that have fixed some of our problems? I try to push the thoughts out of my mind as I snuggle deeper into my covers.