After my absurd pool incident, Charlotte decided she wasn’t going to let me out of her sight.
She stayed with me all night, looking over at me every so often, her eyes sincere, asking me if I’m alright.
I really did not know what to say to her. I am still in shock that she jumped in to save me and the fact that she didn’t send me away to the psych ward. Maybe she will still, maybe that is where I need to be.
I will never give up on you... Her words burned into my soul, those words that keep playing repeatedly in my head.
I don’t know what I was thinking when I pulled that stunt. I wasn’t thinking at all actually. The night Emma told me she could not be with me, left me broken on the inside and out.
I was so hurt and angry. Sarah was always so happy, and I made sure to avoid her coming in my room to help me. And Nate reminded me of the man I will never be again.
I gave Charlotte such a hard time the past few weeks, I thought she would just give up on me, but she never did. I just went through the motions. While I was being a jerk, Charlotte was being persistent, pushing me to work harder during every therapy session. I was too absorbed in my own self-pity that I did not realize Charlotte had helped me accomplish sitting up on my own. I was too selfish to notice that she was sacrificing all of her time for me.
With Emma leaving me, all that was left was an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.
I was hopeless, ever walking again was hopeless, ever being a real man again or ever finding someone to love me like this was hopeless and I couldn’t take it any longer.
I glance over at Charlotte curled up in the recliner sleeping, and the weight of what I did hits me. Guilt takes over, I feel terrible that I made her cry after Nate hurried me away from the pool area, and I feel guilty that she isn’t home in her own bed sleeping, she’s stuck here protecting me from myself.
I didn’t think of what the consequences would be if I had succeeded with my plan, the impact it would have had on my parents.... or Charlotte!... What if she had found me lifeless! Or Nate and remembering what happened to his friend.... Now that I have come to my senses, I realize how selfish I was!
I can’t help but stare over at Charlotte. This beautiful selfless girl who is determined to make me better. I don’t know why a girl like her is willing to do everything for someone like me... I do not deserve her.
But I promised her I would not give up on myself, so the least I can do for her in return is keep my promise. And with a little bit of time, I may get back a little bit of hope.