Soundtrack To My Youth (book 1)

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Tearin' Up My Heart

Sam 1999

“Why’s Veronica getting into Lucas’ car with him” Bridget asked me as she sat in the passenger seat of mine, watching her sister and the dick drive away together. The rational part of me knew I could trust Veronica, she wouldn’t fall back into the habit of believing his bullshit lies, she’d come so far to just throw it all away now but then there was that other voice in my head, the one that was always there, convincing me that this thing between us had an expiry date and one day she would leave me for him.

“Warden’s making them do a History assignment together. It’s his way of punishing me for mouthing off in his class” To say I regret what I did is an understatement, if I had known that this would be the result of me trying to have one over the bastard then I would have just kept my mouth shut.

I’d still of had sex on his desk though, that I don’t regret one bit. I loved how illicit it all was, the thrill that we could get caught drives me and knowing that I’m sharing these sensual experiences with the woman I love excites me.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have envisioned that my life with Veronica would be this amazing. I never actually considered myself having a shot with her really, she was always so out of reach...in Lucas’ arms and I was never going to cross that line and take her from him while they were together but there’s no doubt in my mind that he won’t show me the same level of respect and not try something tonight.

“Those two are so getting back together” She says so casually, like I’m not even sitting beside her.

“What the fuck Bridge?” Because my insecurity about my girlfriend spending the afternoon with her ex wasn’t already eating away at me my best friend has to confirm my fears for me?

She looks over at me with apologetic eyes, I know she didn’t intentionally mean to hurt me, Bridget and I have had many conversations about exactly this but usually she’s the one reassuring me that my fears are nothing, that Veronica and I are solid.

“I’m sorry Sam but I feel that it’s time you face up to the truth, you’re leaving and like I told you the night I found out about My dad’s diagnose, there’s no future for you and Veronica, she has to stay here because of Dad, you know that.”

“And like I told you that night, I’m not breaking up with her, we can survive long distance.” Pulling out of the school car park and towards the Kreslin house, it feels so strange to be driving there without my girl, I’ve become to used to having her by my side.

“Well put me down for a giant ‘I told you so’ when she tells you next year that she slept with Lucas. I’ve seen her break up and make up with that guy more times than I can count.” Bridget huffs in frustration, indicating that there may be some sort of underlying issue that has nothing to do with Me or Veronica.

“How’s things with Amber?” I ask her. We’ve talked at extent about the communication becoming almost a bare minimum between the two, which was driving Bridget to question her feelings.

“Just peachy” There’s no disguising the sarcasm in her tone. She stares out the window for the rest of the trip but I hear a small sniffle every now and then. Pulling into her driveway, I kill the engine and place a hand on her shoulder. I hate seeing Bridget upset, she’s the sweetest person and when she cries it breaks me inside to not be able to fight her battles for her, especially now when the battles just seem to keep coming at her.

“What happened Bridge?”

“She met someone else, she emailed me today to tell me all about him” The bitterness spilling out of Bridget over Amber moving on and with a boy. “I felt like I was nothing to her but she was everything to me. It was all pretend on her end, her feelings for me were fake, the love we expressed to each other, fuck Sam, she was even a fake lesbian”

Bridget had loved Amber for so long and it was killing her to know that those feelings she thought were reciprocate were just faked. I wish Veronica was here right now, she always knew the right things to say to Bridget.

“Bridget, I know for a fact that Amber loved you, she never faked how she felt and if she’s now seeing a boy then I can’t help but wonder if it’s just to appease her parents.” There was no doubt in my mind that Amber loved Bridget but she was conflicted because of what her parents expected of her. She’d already been moved interstate because of her relationship with Bridget, the fear of losing more than just her girlfriend most likely weighing heavily within her.

“Veronica loves you too but still, he will be here next year and you won’t be and you and I are both well aware of their track record” Her warning sends chills down my spine, it would rip me to pieces if Veronica cheated on me with anyone but to cheat with him would be unbearable and I wouldn’t be here to prevent it.

“I’ve got a ton of homework to get through plus my Dad is on me to study for half yearlies so I have to get going” I lie, just wanting to get away, I need to clear my head and I can’t do that with Bridget filling it with doubt.

“Call me if you wanna talk later” She offers as she climbs out of the truck. As much as I love Bridget I just needed to get far away from me before I burnt the best thing I’ve ever had.

I drove around for hours, taking in the sights of the city that I would be missing next year. I hated this town when I first arrived, I hated how hot the weather was, how busy the roads were, how long it took to get from the suburbs into the city centre and the transport system just sucked and then I saw her, with her shinny blonde hair and gorgeous smile that made my heart race and I just wanted to be wherever she was, I needed to know everything about her, what made her laugh, what she loved doing, she was like a drug, the more I had, the more I needed.

It tore my heart out when she was with Lucas, I hated how he treated her but I felt helpless to step in and change it because I feared I’d lose her completely. Whenever he made her cry I worked hard to make her smile, if he put her down I made sure I complimented her and when he started cheating on her with that twat Kristen I held my tongue, hoping to God that Veronica would leave him for good and I would be given the chance to show her how she deserved to be treated.

I couldn’t break up with her, I know that it’s selfish of me to want to have her even though I can’t give her 100% next year but even if we are two different continents I believe that I can still be the man she needs in her life, which is more than what Lucas can offer her.

By 7pm I had grown tired of waiting for her call and decided to just show up at his house. Let’s be honest here, she was probably doing all the work on this essay anyway and didn’t need his input, the useless fuckwitt would still want all the credit though.

I parked on the curb in front of his house, his car in the driveway indicated that he was there, good, he hadn’t offered to take her home, it was bad enough she was subjected to having to his house, I’d hate for him to weasel his way into hers, especially right now with how sick Ed is, Lucas would prey on Veronica’s weakness and make her dependant on him, I’d seen him do that to her so many times before.

I walked the familiar path to the front door and knocked loudly, knowing that Roy was most likely passed out on the couch after a hard day of doing fuck all. I pitied Lucas for the hand he had been dealt but still it was no excuse to shit all over others.

The door swung open and standing before me was Gail, Lucas’ Mother, one of the nicest people you would ever meet, so bubbly and sweet.

“Oh my goodness, Sammy” She greets me, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. “First Roni and now Sammy, you have no idea how happy I am to see you back here”

I don’t know what tale Lucas spun to his Mum about why I don’t come by anymore or why he doesn’t come to my house, knowing Lucas it would have been some shit lie that made him look like he’d done nothing wrong or maybe he told her nothing and she still believes we’re best friends. Either way I don’t care, whatever he wants to do with his life has no effect on me anymore, as long as he doesn’t fuck with my girl.

“Hey Gail, I’m here to drive Veronica home” I tell her as she ushers me further into the house where I find, as predicted, Roy, passed out on the couch. It would almost be comical if it wasn’t for the fact that he had a wife and two kids that depended on him.

I feel something latch onto my leg and look down to see Charlotte, Lucas’ 4 year old baby sister, smiling up at me brightly. Her dirty blonde curls are neatly pinned in place and around her neck I spot the stethoscope that I had given to her months ago when she said she wanted to play doctor and listen to peoples hearts. She absolutely adorable and super intelligent for a kid her age.

“Hey Sammy, Lucas said you can’t be my boyfriend coz you got a girlfriend now” She pouts at the mention of my girl and I feel a pang of guilt, I always suspected she had a little kiddie crush on me. I bend down to her level so I can look her in the eyes, the same colour blue that Lucas has.

“You’ll always be my favourite Charlotte, you know that” She smiles again, she’s going to be a heartbreaker herself one day, just like her brother, I can sense it.

“Roni and Luke are in the dinning room” Gail tells me, I hug Char and make my way through the small house that I know like the back of my hand but when I reach the dinning room I’m floored by the oh so familiar sight of Veronica in Lucas’ arms.

I’m like a house of card, been built up for so long and it just takes one small fraction to bring me crashing down and I’ve crashed hard.

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