Soundtrack To My Youth (book 1)

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Quit Playing Games With My Heart

“Sam!” I exclaim, completely taken by surprise to see him standing in the doorway, watching Lucas and I with a cold stare, you could cut the tension with a knife. I take a step away from Lucas, towards Sam, placing myself in between the two boys. “I was just about to call you”

Sam looks from me to my phone that I had left on the dinning table and scoffs in disgust, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Sure you were. I seemed to have interrupted you both, shall I go wait in the truck while you finish feeling up your ex? Maybe you’d like to go upstairs and give him a blow job while I sit around waiting” I cringe at his crassness, I get that he’s angry on what he thinks he just walked in on but how can he think I’d cheat on him? Not after being on the receiving end of it for so long myself. I’d never hurt him like that.

“It’s not like that mate” Lucas jumps in, attempting to defuse the situation.

“No? Then why don’t you explain to me why it is that you have your grubby hands all over my girl?” Sam shouts at Lucas, behind him I can see Gail holding onto Charlotte who looks frightened by Sam outburst. “When you were with her I respected your relationship, I never once touched her, even after I watched you, time and again, treat her like she meant nothing to you.”

His fists are balled up at his sides, his chest rises and falls with frustration as he sizes up Lucas. I need to get him out of here before he snaps. I step up to him, placing my hand on his chest, drawing his eyes away from Lucas and onto me.

“Baby, listen to me, nothing happened” I try my best to reassure him but I can see he’s still doubtful. “Let’s go home and we can talk.” Without a word he storms off out of the house, leaving me in the wake of his destruction. I feel terrible for Lucas, he did nothing to initiate that hug, it was all on me yet he copped the brunt of Storm Sam.

“I’m sorry Lucas, I didn’t know he was there and now I feel I’ve made things so much worse between you both.” Any chance of Lucas and Sam repairing their friendship had been derailed and I was responsible for that. I was the catalyst that had come between the two best friends.

“It’s not your fault Veronica and it’s not Sam’s either, that’s the thing about these triangles, someone was always destined to lose in the long run” He probably will never know how true that statement was too, someone was always going to be on the outside, no matter what. Last time it had been me, while Sam and Lucas had remained friends, I had cut them out of my life to spare myself the pain but this time around it was Lucas and it didn’t sit well with me that he’d lost Sam because of me.

“I’ll talk to him, clear everything up, he’ll be alright once he knows the truth” I promised Lucas, grabbing my things and turning to leave, the living room was now empty, even Roy had shifted from the lounge to avoid the awkwardness. I reached the front door, I could feel Lucas right behind me but I jumped a mile when I felt his hand cover mine as I went to open the door.

“Veronica, I hate to put you in this position but I don’t want Sam to know about what I tried to do...to myself. I want us all to be friends again but I don’t want it to be a friendship out of pity” His eyes cast down in shame as he begs me not to spill his secret.

“I won’t tell a soul, I promise” He nods, trusting that he can take me at my word and opens the door to let me out into the cold night air. I walk to the black truck parked on the curb, never once daring to look back.

Climbing in I feel the instant warmth of the heater and the freezing cold chill of the boy sitting next to me. He has the stereo turned up, blasting death metal music in the hope of drowning out any attempt I would make to talk to him, what he fails to realise is that I too am pissed off, how dare he accuse me of cheating on him.

We drove in silence for what seemed like forever, well as silent as you can get with some guy screaming about murder, I stared out the window, watching the bright lights of my hometown pass by in a flash until he pulled into my drive way and killed the music.

I could have just got out and left him in the car, I could have ran inside and never spoke a word to him ever again because that’s how I was feeling, I was ready to burn the whole relationship to the ground because I was that hurt by what he had said to me. I put my hand on the door, about to leave but his small, unsure voice keeps me here.

“You once thought that I’d slept with Kristen, while we were together and I didn’t say anything at the time but I felt really gutted that you thought I could betray you like that, that you didn’t trust me when all I’d ever shown you was love. I get it now, now that I’m on the other side of it all, I see how I hurt you tonight and I’m sorry for that but I’m just so sick and tired of this...”

“Triangle” I steal Lucas’ word.

“Yeah, triangle. I never wanted to have to share you with him, from the moment that I met you, I just wanted to make you my own and he stole that from me. It was never meant to go this way, I trusted him and he betrayed me” His hand reaches across the console, begging me to take it, he needs this, he needs to know that nothing has changed, that I am still his girl. I place my hand in his and squeeze it.

“I love you Sam, only you and I need you to trust me when I tell you nothing happened” The insecurity that he has in us going back further than before we got together, right back to when he, Lucas and I first officially met.

“Why were you hugging him Veronica? Why would you ever allow him to put his hands on you ever again after what he did to you?” He’s pleading with me for an answer but I can’t betray Lucas, not now that I know how fragile he is.

“Something happened to Lucas, something bad and it’s made him change, made him regret what he’s done” I try my best to explain without having to say what brought on the change. Lucas is right though, if Sam knew the truth then he would only be allowing Lucas back into his life out of pity, Lucas didn’t want anyones pity.

“He’s manipulating you Veronica, how can you not see that? He’s not capable of change, he’s an arsewipe and will always be an arsewipe.” Frustration and anger spilling out as he pulls his hand back from mine.

“That ‘arsewipe’ was once your best friend Sam” I point out, not so long ago the two of them were inseparable

“Some friend, you tell him that you like a girl so he goes after her” Sam scoffs. “I stayed friends with him to be around you, you know that.”

“Bullshit, you two were still friends after he and I broke up and when we got together your biggest concern was hurting him so don’t feed me that tripe that you were only friends because of me because you’re just kidding yourself. You had a genuine friendship with him, you cared about him and the only reason you’re not friends now is because you think you’re being loyal to me by cutting him out but I know it’s hurt you to lose him.” Sam had tried to hide it from me, how deeply it cut him to not have Lucas around anymore, sure, he had Alex but Alex was no replacement for the friendship he had built with Lucas since he first arrived. “You two could be friends again, the way it was before”

He rests his head on the steering wheel in front of him, exhausted by our argument. I hate fighting with Sam but I especially hate fighting when Lucas is the subject, theres just too much history between the three of us.

“The day that I feel that I can trust him around you again is the day I’d reconsider a friendship between the two of us but I can’t see that happening any time soon. I’m sorry bunny, I know you think he’s being honest with you but I think he’s just playing you, to steal you away from me”

There was really nothing more that I could do, we would be sitting here, going around in circles all night if we kept at it, I was fighting a losing battle, trying to bring the two of them back together, I had to just step away from it and let fate decide the outcome now but there was still one thing that I needed to know before I dropped the subject of Lucas completely, just so Sam and I could move forward.

“Why didn’t you ask me out back then?” It’s something that had been playing on my mind now for a while, Sam always claims that he liked me first but he never made the first move, Lucas did. He closes his eyes tight and pinches the bridge of his nose before looking over at me, in the lighting of the street lamp I see the look of fear in those big, beautiful brown eyes, there’s something they both never told me and it’s all about to come spilling out tonight.

“I was going to, I had a week to make you mine but Lucas beat me to it and I wasn’t allowed to do anything about it after that, I just had to stand back and watch you fall in love with him”

“What do you mean that you had a week? And not allowed after that? Says who? It was just one date with Lucas, you could have made your move after that, it’s not like he was my boyfriend until much later” None of this makes any sense to me, the first month with Lucas were just friend dates, nothing more, we didn’t even share our first kiss until we attended a party at Sam’s and Lucas asked me afterwards to officially be his girlfriend in front of everyone, including Sam.

“You’re going to hate me for this” He teases but doesn’t elaborate further, he’s dragging this out and it’s pissing me off.

“Sam, spit it out or I’m leaving” I threaten him, I have a feeling I know where this is heading, I know Lucas and Sam well enough to know that they’re extremely competitive but Sam had assured me that I was never dragged into it.

“I liked you, from the moment that I met you I fell for you hard and I asked Lucas for his help in learning your name, that’s why he invited you and Kate for lunch that day” He reminds me, smiling at the memory of how he and Lucas started talking to Kate and I before assembly one day in year 9, the day we were shifted into new classes. Kate and I were so excited that Lucas Stephenson was inviting us to have lunch with him and his group, it was the highest honour you could get, little did we know what it would lead to.

“I was trying to show off in front of you in PE and I guess that that pissed Lucas off so when I told him that I wanted to ask you out he suggested we make it a bet between us, to prove that I could win you, I didn’t want to do it but he convinced me that I had this, that it was just competition to get me to try harder with you but then someone started those rumours about me sleeping around which gave Lucas the upper hand, he won when he asked you out and we had an agreement that the loser would back right off, which is what I did, until you broke up with him”

I can’t believe what he’s telling me, the nerve of the two of them, I wasn’t even a person to them, I was property that they bartered over. I was sick to my stomach, I felt completely betrayed, not only by Sam but also by Lucas. My whole relationship with Lucas had been the result of a bet, a complete farce.

“Fuck you and fuck him too, I never want to speak to either one of you ever again” I’m done with both of them. I get out of the car fast, slamming the door behind me but Sam follows my lead and races around to me before I can get past the hood of his car.

“Baby please believe me, I never wanted to make that bet, I only wanted you and I was an imbecile to get dragged into Lucas’ game. I love you, I’ve loved you from the moment that I met you” I can’t even look at him, I’m just too angry. He places his arms around me, drawing me closer to him but I give him nothing, I’m completely stiff against him.

“If you loved me, like you claim you did, you wouldn’t have entered into some childish bet, you would have just asked me out and for the record, I didn’t give a shit about the rumours, had you asked me out I would have said yes and I would have gotten to know you” I push myself out of his hold and run towards the front door. Storming through the house, I throw my bag and binder on to the floor of my room and then flop down heavily onto my bed. The weight of my emotions over take me and within seconds I’m sobbing uncontrollably.

I hear footsteps enter my room and my bed dips down slightly, I open my eyes to find Bridget sitting on my bed, her face etched in concern as she watches over me.

“Did you and Sam break up?” She asks intuitively, I guess it’s kind of obvious when I come home crying.

“I think so, I don’t know, I’ll probably regret it in the morning” I tearfully tell her, I’m angry now but with some space between us I’m sure my anger will fade.

“You broke up with him?” She asks surprised. “I thought maybe he might have....nevermind....why did you break up with him?”

How do I do this? How do I tell my sister that the one relationship she had so much faith in crumbled because of something that happened 3 years ago? I don’t want to tarnish how she sees Sam, to her he will always be the hero.

“It was just something to do with Lucas” I vaguely tell her, she already can’t stand Lucas so if I shift the blame to him then she won’t care.

“Oh Veronica, you didn’t?” The shock that registers across her face tells me exactly what she thinks I done, she thinks I’ve broken up with Sam to be with Lucas but she couldn’t be more wrong.

“Why does everybody think that I cheated with Lucas tonight, do none of you have any damn faith in me?” I roll away, turning my back on her to let her know that this conversation is now over, it’s bad enough I just had my boyfriend accuse me of cheating with my ex, now my sister thinks I did too. She left my room, closing the door softly behind her.

I decided to have a shower, I felt I needed to wash away the invisible stains of the night I’d endured. I stood under the steaming hot water as it cascaded around me and I thought of nothing but Sam. I love him and I wanted to be with him, he wasn’t the same guy that he was back in year 9, none of us were the same, including Lucas. I pushed Sam away when all I really wanted to do was be closer to him while I still could be. I knew it was late and a school night but I had to see him, I had to make things right between us.

I shut the water off and stepped out, grabbed my towel from the rack and wrapped it around myself. In my fog I’d forgotten to grab my PJs before leaving my room so I was strongly hoping that Bridget and Dad weren’t about to witness me make the made dash in just a towel back to my room.

I opened the bathroom door slowly and surveyed the hall, no lifeforms found lurking, good. I could hear Dad’s heavy snoring, even better, I could sneak out tonight without a brigade of questions. Dad was actually alright about Sam and I doing sleep overs on school nights, as long as I could show him my grades were not dropping but I’m sure he’d pry into why I was going over there so late at night after we just saw each other and I really didn’t want to go into detail about the fight we had had, if Dad heard the name Lucas he too would assume the worst too.

My door to my bedroom was closed when I entered the hall, I swear I’d left it open but I couldn’t be sure now. I opened it and slipped into my room, jumping out of my skin at the sight of Sam sitting on my bed, Cosmopolitan Magazine in hand.

“Bridget let me in” He explained, tossing the magazine onto my nightstand and watching me with caution like he expected me to snap at any moment, his bloodshot eyes not daring to leave my own. He had been crying and he looked so worn down. “I’m sorr-”

He didn’t get to finish apology, I stopped it by straddling his lap and kissing him deeply, letting him know that I forgave him for what his former self had done. I should never have doubted the love he has for me, he lets it shine through everyday. I realised that a lot of my anger stemmed from me wishing things had been different all along, I wish he had made that first move, I wish he was the boy I’d given myself to first. As remorseful as what Lucas was now it didn’t change what should have been the outcome, Sam and I getting together back then.

My towel fell to the floor in second, leaving me naked and unashamed in front of a very timid Sam. His hands hovered over my body, as if he was afraid to touch me but I needed him so badly, I needed him to see that I only wanted him. I attempt to undo his jeans, which do nothing to hide his bulge from me so I know he wants this too which is why I’m taken aback when places a hand over mine to stop me going further. I look up at him confused and am met with his sorrowful gaze.

“If this is just break up sex then I don’t want it” He tells me, bringing his hand up to stroke my face, the night had taken a huge toll on both of us. “I couldn’t bear knowing that this would be the last time I’d get to make love to you my beautiful girl, I love you too much to leave us both with regrets”

“This is make up sex baby.” I wrap my arms around his neck, kiss his cheek softly and smile warmly at his sweetness. I love him more than words will ever be able to express, I just need to show him that now. “Well it will be if you let me take your damn pants off”

His smile is breathtaking as he lifts me gently from his lap, laying me on my bed before stripping down to nothing himself. I’m in awe of his perfect body, cursing myself that I was so quick to try and end things tonight.

He slides a knee in between my legs to push the apart and brings his thumb onto my sensitive nub that is now dripping with my wetness, an electric jolt runs through me at just his touch, I want more of it, I want to feel him in me.

“I’m going to fuck you like there’s no tomorrow baby because up until 5 minutes ago I thought there wouldn’t be.” He promises and I don’t doubt he won’t deliver on it.

He slowly slides himself deep inside of me and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist. He starts by giving me slow, deep thrusts, almost teasing me with his leisurely movements into my tight core. I whimper, silently begging him to go faster, harder.

“Please baby please” I pant.

“Please what bunny?” He asks, he knows what I want, but he’s still going to make me to ask him for it.

“Hard please baby” I barely finish my request, he slams himself into me over and over, making my eyes roll into the back of my head, I love when he takes me like this, it’s so primal and raw. His mouth crashes against mine in pure passion and a sneaky attempt to silence my ever growing sounds of elation.

The sound of the bed hitting the wall every time he pushes me is throwing me off, making me panic that the sound could wake Dad and he will come looking for the source.

“We need to get off the bed” Sam says, reading my thoughts. He scoops an arm under my back to hold me tight while he changes out positions. I’m somewhat impressed with the amount of strength he has to shift us both. I unlatch myself from around his waist and look around my tiny room for a spot that won’t give us away. Sam beats me to it though, grabbing my pillows and comforter and placing them in the floor.

“Get on your knees and lean on the pillows” He instructs, I do as he tells me and he joins me on the floor, wasting no time, driving himself into my core from behind me, with one hand around my waist and the other across my mouth to muffle the sounds of pleasure that escape me. He feel so fucking good.

His hand on my waist moves onto my breast, rolling his fingers over my nipple he then pinches it, sending a jolt of sweet pleasure and pain simultaneously throughout my body each time, I could come from him just doing that and he knows it. My body is begging me for a release, inching closer and closer to the edge with every pump, his own grunts of gratification spuring me to hold on longer and wait for him but the wait is getting harder.

His hand travel from my breast, down to my clit, two finger circle my nub, making me push back against him, needing as much of him that I can take as my orgasm hits hard. My pulsating core that’s wrapped tightly around his dick brings on his own climax.

We collapse on to the floor and he immediately wraps the comforter around our bodies. I lay my head on his chest, listening to the thumping of his heart as my eyes become heavy.

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