14th of April 1912.
The clock chimed midnight. It is now my birthday and I should be ecstatic! But the incident that just happened made all of the happiness I was, feeling before Ms Abram took me away from Alec is now buried with regret and frustration. The heavy sensation was added after I found out the reason why I am coming to America. Plus, remembering the fact that this is the first time you are not here to celebrate with me… just shatters me.
Now, I get a feeling like it is a dangerous territory to be in cloud nine for the next destination is downwards. Honestly speaking or writing, I feel like I just fell off a cliff, and crashed onto the rocks.
During dinner, the tension was hotter between me and Ms Abram. Henri ate his meal in his associate’s private promenade for he was double-checking paperwork and contracts. After we ate, Ms Abram took me to Henri and demanded elucidation of why Alec and I were awfully close to each other. Henri’s eyes were wide with rage when she revealed that.
‘What?!’ He jolted up from his seat, and I had never seen him infuriated in my life.
It scared me but, when he saw how affrighted I was, his fury turned to sorrow. He did not have to say any word because it was written on his face: that he was disappointed in me.
It broke my heart, truly.
Ms Abram, waiting for me to answer, flared her nose. She turned to Jane and chastised her, ‘I told you to keep an eye on her.’
Jane lowered her head out of nervousness.
Then Ms Abram faced Henri, ‘And Mr Colinsfirth, I thought you said you were going to watch over her? But you obviously failed.’
Henri looked at her with dignity, but I knew he was ashamed of himself.
She turned back to me. ‘Sierra,’ she said in that deadly voice she only used to the maids when they made a mistake, ‘You have taken advantage of my trust. I had told you that commoner is corrupting your mind.’ She gestured her hand, up and down at me, ‘Look at what you have become!’
The blood rushed to my head, and I did not mean to say this to her:
‘You are not my mother, so stop acting like you are!’
I was shocked at my outburst that I clasped my hands onto my mouth. She flinched, even though she was composed, her eyebrows creased, and I knew I hurt her straight through the bone.
I blinked back my tears as Henri walked in between us. His voice was controlled, and I could see him clenching his jaws.
‘Sierra,’ he said, firmly at me, ‘This is getting out of hand.’
Quite teary, Ms Abram calmly said, ‘Your father’s plan for you will blow on your face if you keep on doing this.’
Henri sighed and placed a hand on Ms Abram’s shoulder. ‘Sadie, perhaps, we should let her enjoy her freedom while it lasts.’
My eyes sharply darted at him, but he was avoiding my gaze.
He cleared his throat, ‘Once we arrive in New York, I don’t think she will be this happy again.’
Ms Abram soughed at me. ‘I apologize, Sierra, for stepping in further.’ Then she looked at Henri and back at me before leaving the promenade, ‘But I made your father a promise.’
I stared back at Henri in disbelief and said, ‘You are keeping something from me!’ tears were forming again.
He scrubbed his chin. ‘If you want to talk, you know where to find me.’
I have never felt Henri this cold. I did not like it one bit.
They left me in the promenade with my thoughts. I upset everyone I love, and just for a guy I barely know. I have become outspoken, braver and what I think matters the most, happier. It felt right, but I was not sure if I like this version of me. It pained me to keep disappointing them. Perhaps Ms Abram was right, what have I become?
Whenever I was overcome with constant worry, I have always turned to Henri. I remember back in DelaCour estate that you told me our indoor swimming pool was there long before I was born. If my memory serves me right, it was a Saturday afternoon, and I was around seven. I was having trouble during the first week of school, for I was different from my classmates. You were in your office when I asked where Henri might be in the interest of wanting to play with him. You told me he was in the pool. So, I ran off and announced:
‘I want to disturb Henri!!!’
You chased me, and I was laughing for I thought you were playing with me. Then when you caught me, you told me not to do that. I believe my laughter was contagious that you started laughing and tickled me.
I did not understand it before why you stopped me from going to Henri, but now I do. Henri’s way of blowing off steam is swimming laps. Hot or cold, he feels better in the water. It soothes him in times of stress. But this time, I was the stress.
Forlorn, I went to my suite to get my swimming costume. Then, I heard a knock on my door, and I opened it to find Jane, remorseful and troubled. She asked me if I was alright. I nodded, but she knew it was a lie. She apologized and then expressed to me that she told Ms Abram the best possible excuse she could think of to stop her from finding me and Alec. But Ms Abram was determined.
When I told her that it was okay and not to think about it, she was still worried. We both had no idea what was going to happen next, but we hoped for the better. I told her I had to go and talk to Henri. She insisted on assisting me to the pool on F deck, but I refused. The discussion was between me and Henri.
I made my way to the lift, and the attendant dropped me to E deck. So, I descended to the grand staircase and walked to where the pool was. I pushed the door open and entered the swimming pool.
At that hour, it should have still been opened. But I believe Henri paid off a steward. The lustrous light coming from the ceiling’s bulbs was yellowish, and from the windows, the bluish glow of the moonlight scintillated the white walls and wrinkling waves of the pool.