Love. One word yet so many meanings. The word love in the dictionary means “an intense feeling of deep affection.” One can love someone just as a friend and yet one can love even greater than the love they have for themselves. Love is a silly feeling that can make you do things you never thought you would do, or be someone you never knew you could be. Love can either make you be the best version of yourself or it can make you see the worst version of you that you didn’t know was there. Then there is my story, a tale that is intertwining, conflicted, and yet still beautiful. His name was Kai Moore. He hit me like a truck and I was the deer in headlights. It all started when I was in 12th grade, see Kai was in 10th being as he was held back a year. Kai Moore was the most intelligent human being I had encountered in my lifetime and yet he didn’t even know it. The first encounter I had with him was in the high school hallway, were many love stories begin. We began to blossom a friendship, calling every night, playing games over the phone, walking to class with one other. Kai Moore was a deadly killer and I was his next target. I wanted to keep my distance from him because I knew of his past, the past that was overflowing of names he had been with. I didn’t want to be added to that list and be just like any other girl. My greatest fear in this world is being just like everyone else, and frankly no one wants that. Everyone wants to stick out and be remembered as the one who did great things. Everyone is a little scared of being just like everyone else, and I was on that list. I kept my distance and never allowed myself to feel a thing, the attempts that Kai had made were ever going and persistent. Tho what Kai Moore was oblivion to was that the moment I saw him I fell in love with him and it scared the shit outta me. As the summer approached I was sent off the Basic Training in Oklahoma, I was glad to go away for a bit and come back as a fresh start to who I was previously and boy was I not ready for the adventure life had planned for me when I returned. I graduated and came home in October of 2019. When I returned home the last person on my mind was Kai Moore. Fate has a funny way of showing you what path to follow as you live your life, and mine was apparently Kai Moore. I can’t explain to you what my mind was going through when I first saw him again at a party after three months, all I know I can explain is that my heart had dropped from my chest and leaped into my hand as I was extended it to him. Little did I know it was the first stop on a long bumpy ride. At the time I had saw Kai again he was with another girl and at the same time I was joyous and yet heartbroken. I was happy that he was focusing on someone else rather than me anymore and I was glad I could keep my feelings guarded from him yet I was devastated that the time and energy I had blown off was being put into another. Yet I knew no one would wait for me while I was away and it wasn’t fair to ask someone to do that. After I saw him at the party we continued to text and when the day came that him and his beloved at the time had split I was happy that she was gone and I could see where in life he would take me. After a while of texting we decided we would go to a party together as a date without saying it was a date really because neither of us was ready for that conversation. The night was well and I was getting loose as I was wrecked with anxiety and fear, not fear of him but fear of his thoughts of me and what they were. As the night went on he became my babysitter and instead of taking advantage of me while I was drunk he took care of me like a gentleman. I was to gone to go to the restroom myself and I asked him to take me and while I was in the restroom he stood outside and made sure not a soul came in. When I finished and opened the door I feared he might have left to go back outside and join the others but as my fear was confronted so was I, he was right outside the door waiting for me. The doorway was small and the space we took up was enormous if you were in the same room you would have felt the connection we were both giving off. I’m not sure what is is they put in alcohol to make you loose all fear of everything but my god I had it, I was fearless in that moment and I knew it. I knew it was my chance to make a move and if it failed had a back up to blame it on, so I kissed him. I kissed him gently and soft, and he kissed me back with the same energy. As I pulled my head back from that magical kiss we locked eyes and in that moment I fell, I let my walls down and let him in. Falling for Kai Moore was like falling off a cliff and into an abyss that just kept going and going, an everlasting fall if I should say. In that moment I wasn’t scared and I didn’t think of anything else but him and I in that moment and that’s what made it so amazing because it was ongoing and a forever warm feeling of when I was with him. The biggest mistake of my life. We started to date around November and I had never seen him date anyone the way he dated me. Our love story isn’t always happy as no ones ever is, real things are hard and take the proper time and proper care. The number one thing that makes relationships hard in this decade is commitment and how people are afraid of it but yet it is also such a rush, to want to spend the rest of your life with one person, to know every detail about them and what makes them who they are.
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, tristarucker
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