Not So Perfect

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21

The aroma of coffee and baked goods welcomes us as we step inside the cafe. Thomas stands in line to order for us while I find us a booth.

We had an appointment for my four months check up this morning. I took the day off, and Thomas got the okay from my dad to go in late. They've fixed their relationship and are back to where they started - kind of.

It's the beginning of September and summer has officially ended. We still have summer-like weather for a couple more weeks. It's just incredibly annoying to have to wear tight clothing.

My bump grew from one day to another and I don't fit into any of my clothes. I went out the other day to buy two pairs of maternity shorts and bigger shirts. But I didn't realize how much it was going to lower my self-esteem.

Especially around my friends, I find myself being self-conscious. But I'm also reminded that it's completely normal and I'm doing great.

Thomas comes back with an iced coffee for himself, and a raspberry tea for me. He also got us a freshly made chocolate chip cookie each.

"Thank you," I say.

He smiles back, breaking his cookie in half. I do the same, enjoying the music playing from the record player in the front.

I stir my tea with my straw, excited for today.

Thomas must have noticed how big my smile is. "Do you want me to come with?" He asks. "I can take the day off." He peers at me through his lashes.

I press my lips together, looking down briefly. "Chase is actually coming with me," I tell him.

He nods solemnly, before quickly hiding it. "I'm always here if you need me."

"Thanks," I say with a small smile.

We finish our drinks and toss our trash away. Chase is meeting me here since one of the apartments are close to the cafe. I've decided to at least find one that isn't an hour away from my parents or my friends.

I figured that meeting them halfway is better than having to drive over an hour each time.

Holding the door open for me, Thomas leads me to my car. I hold my stomach subconsciously, a smile covering his face.

"I love when you do that," he chuckles.

I look down, my brows knitted. "Is it weird?" I ask. "I keep doing it," I mumble with a frown.

We stop at my car, Thomas leaning against it. "It must be some type of protective thing, it's not weird Bea." He reassures me.

My heart rate instantly increases at the sight of Chase pulling in. Thomas leans away from my car, a blank expression on his face.

He's trying I tell myself.

I catch his gaze, "Thank you." I end with a smile.

He stares at me for a few seconds before nodding. "Let me know if you find a place you like."

I assure him that I will, watching him walk to his car. I wave at Chase with a bright smile, getting into my own car. I wait for Chase to pull out of the parking lot first because he knows more about it then I do.

I follow behind, hoping that I'm not picky and find a place today. It's a process to get approved and because most college students are still looking to rent I have to be quick.

It's no big deal if I don't find something I like.

We make it inside, the leasing agent was a couple of minutes late. She shows us the bedrooms and bathrooms, telling us the features this complex includes. This one has two rooms and two bathrooms which are the main things that I'm looking for.

It has the room for me and the baby, but I can't see myself living here.

We go to the next one, and I fall in love with the area. "I really hope this is it." I murmur.

Chase gives me an encouraging smile before we are led inside. I tried not to get too excited but just seeing each room for myself made me positive this was it. It doesn't feel cramped and there's a lot of natural lighting.

The kitchen is open instead of in a corner like the previous one and overall I can definitely see myself living here.

My smile gets even bigger up until Chase asks the rent price. I nervously bite my lip waiting for it.

The leasing agent checks her clipboard. "This space is available with the monthly rent of thirteen hundred."

My shoulders slump, turning to look at what Chase thinks. His eyes are wide in bewilderment. To pay that much rent a month would mean having to be on a tight budget. I'm sure I can do it for the first few months but as soon as the baby is born, I won't have the funds to support us. Not without having to work which I don't plan on doing for the first three months.

Chase sits on the passenger side. "Living in the city is expensive."

I don't respond, leaning my head against the window. We went to four apartments and even if they are exactly what I'm looking for, the price isn't in my budget.

I almost feel desperate enough to accept my parents offer on paying the rent for me. It wouldn't feel right though, I want to know that I can do it on my own.

My eyes become blurry with tears due to frustration. I sniffle which alarms Chase. His hand immediately takes mine, rubbing his thumb soothingly on my wrist.

The amount of times that I've cried during my pregnancy is immense. I thought that people in movies were making it more dramatic than it really is.

I laugh, wiping at my eyes. "I can't even control my emotions." I stammer.

Chase readjusts his position so that he's facing me and begins to rub my back soothingly. He's amused, I can see it by his grin.

"You're adorable." He chuckles.

I bite my lip, leaning my head back again. "I don't feel it," I admit.

His brow is raised but he doesn't say anything. I feel like a completely different person with how much of a wreck I have been recently.

With a sudden rush, I sit up and beam at him. "Okay, let's go see the last two places. I'll figure out the rest from there."

"That's what I like to hear." He grins.

I watch him climb out of my car and get into his. I follow behind him, feeling extremely lucky that he came. Chase doesn't work today but he does have a class in two hours so we have to do this now.

I go in open-minded and remind myself that it isn't the end of the world if I don't like any of them. No one is rushing me to move out, in fact, Alice has been begging me to stay.

I don't want to bother her with a newborn and I would like to have room to put their things in. So in the end, I kind of need my own place.

We stop by my apartment afterward before Chase has to go to class.

I'm not disappointed about not finding an apartment, I'll just keep an eye out. Lounging on the couch with Chase is better than being out in the heat anyway.

I've been stressing myself out way too much lately.

Sadly we make it halfway through a movie before he leaves. I'm left alone again, contemplating going to work but decided against it.

Sleeping sounds more appealing to me right now.
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