Not So Perfect

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For the past two days, I've been adjusting to my new room. Alice did great with decorating it. I've unpacked my clothes and other stuff I brought along.

I'm an expert at pushing my feelings aside and dealing with things a day at a time. Which is exactly what I have been doing. I haven't heard from my parents or even my sister. Thomas works with for my dad four times a week and mentioned him being stricter on him.

He always liked that Thomas was interested in business. I'm sure his opinion on him has changed by now.

I made an appointment here when I arrived two days ago. It was Alices' idea to get everything set up and to confirm my pregnancy.

Thomas was even set on attending every appointment with me. Despite the drive and the fact that he works today, he still drove to join me.

His yellow Camero pulls up beside mine. I grab my bag and meet him at the entrance.

"Good morning." Thomas smiles, holding the door open for me.

It's still weird for us to be talking. After our breakup, I promised myself that I would never say a word to him again. The irony, I'd have to see him for the rest of our lives now.

I sign my name at the front desk and join Thomas. His leg bounces when he's nervous and it doesn't help that it makes me feel worse.

I place a hand on this knee, he smiles sheepishly. "Sorry." He says quietly.


He denies it as expected. "Are you?"

My name is called and his question is answered when I nod. We follow the lady who gives us a kind smile. I let Thomas talk while I keep my mouth clamped shut.

We sit down and wait for the nurse to come in. It takes less than five minutes before she introduces herself and tells us what we'll be doing today. I almost feel embarrassed when she asks about my last period. I never kept up with it because of how irregular it was.

I had no other symptoms other than the recent throwing up. She assured me that it was fine and that most women go through that as well.

I'm around six weeks pregnant which sounds about right. We scheduled another appointment for our first ultrasound next week.

I had a urine pregnancy test done and I'm one hundred percent pregnant. Thomas asked questions and didn't seem to be nervous anymore.

Thomas walks me to my car, reading through the pamphlets we were given.

He finally looks at me. "How are you feeling?" He asks.

I shrug, "I'm okay. You?"

The heat becomes unbearable but I ignore it.

"I'm fine." He smiles. "Have you considered us moving in together?"

I avoid his eyes because he asked over the phone and I told him I'd talk about it later. My answer is no, I just don't know how to tell him that.

"It's not a good idea." I watch his expression.

Thomas sighs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I make enough money to rent an apartment for the three of us. You don't have to worry about any of it."

If we were still together, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. We always talked about moving in together and having takeout once a month. Things are different now and I know that moving together won't be easy.

"I'm staying with Alice for now."

He nods instead of arguing. I unlock my car, giving him a small smile. "You better get going before my dad does something crazy."

His lips turn at the corner. "You're right. Do you want breakfast first?" He asks.

I follow him to a restaurant down the street. Thomas only had twenty minutes so we wasted no time until he had to drive back. My dad is all about being professional, I can't imagine how he'll deal with Thomas being late.

He did tell him in advance but I doubt that will do much.

I drive back to the apartment and spend the rest of the time watching videos. I've been trying to prepare for what's to come in this pregnancy. I never took the time to think about how difficult it really is.

I'm in the easy stages according to everyone on youtube. I thought nausea and lack of appetite were bad only to find out that it gets much worse. I have a lot of preparing to do before any of that happens.

What really made me push my laptop far away from me was finding out about the actual birth. I decide that I've had enough of that and instead start on making lunch.

Alice should be home in two hours. I just watch whatever I can find on the TV and wait around for her. It gives me the motivation to find a job because I can't see myself doing this every day.
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