Weathering the Storm.
My eyes flung open wide and I blinked in the darkness of the room. I was confused at first because I wasn’t in my own room, I was in the room Liam trashed. But I didn’t have time to dwell because Liam lay restless beside me. His limbs would shoot out suddenly and then settle back down before doing it again.
“Liam?” I questioned, not really knowing what to do. His face looked to be in distress and there was a lot of grumbling coming from his mouth.
“No! Stop!” He shouted again, pretty loud. I knew I couldn’t touch him. I wasn’t allowed to touch him, these nightmares have been going on for nights since he took the gun into that school.
“Liam!” I shouted more forcefully this time.
“You can’t do this to me again.” Liam shouted.
“Liam!” I pleaded with his subconscious.
His eyes shot open and he sat up quickly, his t.shirt and our bed sheet drenched in sweat. He looked at me with frightened eyes before dashing out of bed and aiming his head in the toilet bowl. Throwing up the contents of last nights dinner. I watched him from the bed, feeling pretty helpless. I wasn’t allowed to touch him or comfort him. I needed to just let him get on with his nightly ritual.
“Jeez Liam, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He muttered between pukes.
After he got done vomiting he pulled the T-shirt above his head, dropped his boxer shorts to the floor and then stepped out of my view. Only then did I hear the cascading water of the en-suite shower. He would always spend a minimum of ten minutes showering after his nightmares. At first they came sometimes twice or thrice through the night but now it’s almost been a week and they’ve dwindled down to just one. Always after showering he would return to me in the bed smelling so strongly of his soap with red patches where he had clearly rubbed his skin raw.
The mattress dipped beside me and I turned to face Liam. He lay back facing the ceiling with head resting on his forearms.
“That was a really bad one huh?” He nodded his head, trying hard to settle his racing breath.
“Liam?” He turned to face me, blue eyes bright enough to light the darkness. I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously. “Why did you get someone to hurt you?” He closed his eyes slowly like my question caused him pain.
“To make it hurt less.” He said quietly.
“I don’t understand.” He turned to face me and there was a certain sadness to his eyes.
“I have never felt a pain that hit me as hard as you leaving me. It hurt so bad I needed a distraction from it. So I picked fights with pimps and for a few minutes, sometimes hours it made the emotional pain hurt a little less because all I could think about was the physical pain. I kind of became addicted to it, I think I still am. Picking a fight with someone, having the control that allowed them to hurt me felt different than when Jax just used to beat me against my will.”
“Liam, please don’t do that anymore, it’s dangerous. Please just come to me. I don’t care whatever you did, whatever I did, you can always just come to me.” He planted a soft kiss on my forehead, I knew that was his answer. He wasn’t going to make promises to me that he couldn’t keep and that frightened me.
I curled up on the veranda with a book, there was a thunderstorm going on all around me, the Earths natural way of cooling down after a scorching hot day. There was something so relaxing about storms, it was oddly warming.
The earth smelt divine, like wet soil and fresh air, I like the comforting colours almost like the world is bathed a subtle yellow and the flower petals capture all of the raindrops.
“Are you okay? What are you doing out here?” I looked up at Liam from behind my book. Closing it to give him my full attention.
“I just love the thunderstorm.” I stood up and moved towards the veranda railings. Watching as the rain fell in sheets. The impact of the rainfall against the Earths surface was so harsh that the droplets bounced back and lay in puddles. Unable to be absorbed because everything was already soaked to capacity.
Liam followed me, standing beside me and letting the natural tones of a heavy downpour fill the silence between us. The bleakness of the weather today reflected the struggle he has endured this week. I wanted to talk to him about it, get him to open up because he hasn’t. Not at all. We're going back to college tomorrow yet the nightmares, although they have faded in quantity are still coming. He still doesn’t like to be left alone for long periods of time. He is still dealing with the aftermath of everything that happened.
“Don’t Liv.” He stopped me automatically like he knew exactly what I was going to say. “You don’t need to worry. Jordan is going to take care of the gun and I’m starting to feel ... better.” There was no trace of dishonesty to his eyes.
“I don’t want you to bury your emotions and then become overwhelmed with it all. You need to talk to about what happened.” His eyes greyed over and I knew I was losing him to the fear.
“Not yet.” He whispered, looking back out to the pouring rain again.
"Liam I think..." He tensed beside me like he knew what I was about to suggest and didn't like it. "I think... you should speak to a therapist." Liam sighed sadly.
"I'm fine." He muttered weakly.
"Liam, I could come with you." I offered.
"Stop Liv." He warned.
A flash of lightening followed by a thunderous roar ripped through the silence. I reached my hand out, capturing the falling raindrops on my skin.
“It’s cold rain” I told Liam as big droplets quickly turned my palm to ice.
“Wouldn’t like to be out there in that huh?” I pulled my tingling hand back and shook my head.
Liam grabbed me, hoisted his hands around my waist and lifted me into the air. The movement was far too quick for me to run but I protested, loudly.
“Liam no!” I laughed “Liam stop!” I tried my hardest to wiggle free but he had me tipped over his shoulder and I could barely move under his grasp. His feet were moving us both towards the open air and I swatted his back relentlessly as he took closer steps.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to be out in it Liv?” He laughed at my pointless efforts to free myself, the laugh that melted my insides. Ironic considering I was about to be frozen by the deathly cold rain. Liam ran down the three steps and across the lawn.
I screeched as the cold rain drops landed on my body. “Oh my god Liam! It’s cold!” But I couldn’t stop my laughter, my cheeks hurt from my smile and my body hurt from the cold. But there was a rush of adrenaline trapped inside of me dying to be released.
He lowered my body down to the ground and I looked up at him, his hair stuck to his head, dripping down his face. His pale skin had droplets clinging to the surface and his cheeks were naturally rose thanks to the cold. His T-shirt soaked through, clinging to every ab he possessed.
His thumb traced over my lips softly and the electricity was no longer in the sky, it was between us, it has always been between us. In that moment it didn’t matter how cold the raindrops were because Liam had the power to warm my insides, make me heated.
He leaned in, making my lips wet in a different way, in the best way and as almond sized raindrops fell all around us he kept me safe in a bubble of love. Our lips moved together in sync, our tongues danced in the rain and as he became my sunlight I imagined rainbows to appear all around. I will weather any storm with him.