I had my nose stuck in a text book and what the pages relayed to me was actually fascinating. It was all about love, specifically unconditional love.
‘The biggest and most important basic human need is love. We can’t survive without it and we are forever searching for it. It is the most powerful thing on this Earth because the gift of love could make or break a person.’
I felt like this particular topic held a huge insight into Liams mind and as I read through the paragraphs I couldn’t help but search for clues.
‘Unconditional love. The love you offer freely, not based on anything you get back in return. It feels secure, knowing it won’t go away even if you make mistakes. You can’t love someone unconditionally unless the love you hold for them doesn’t change despite the actions they take, even if their actions cause you distress or harm.’
I wondered who Liam got his unconditional love from because one thing is for certain, it wasn’t his mother or Jax. I thought about how lonely he must have been during those heartbreaking years before his friends became his family. He had no idea what unconditional love was, just that he felt it for his mother who did and said terrible things to him.
Still to this day, he speaks about having a love for his mother that I can’t understand or support. She was cruel and cold and put her addictions above him, above everything. He told me he was going to let go of the hope that he clung to regarding a relationship with his mother but Liam has a big heart and I don’t know if letting go of her completely is something that he is capable of.
‘Hate. It doesn’t exist. It’s a learned emotion that flourishes in the absence of compassion. There is a fine line between love and hate because people become addicted to both and you can be destroyed by both. The thing about hating someone is that it only affects you. You’re the only one who feels the negativity, it’s your soul that is getting destroyed and that’s why forgiveness is always the best option.’
I used to believe I wasn’t capable of hating anyone, that we’re all humans living on this planet, worthy of second chances for the mistakes we have made. But since Liam came into my life my mind has changed and now I do hate.
I hate with every fiber of my being. I hate so hard I care more about getting revenge instead of justice. I hate the man that abused him, I hate his mom for not protecting him and I hate Jax for everything. But this book is right, those people don’t even know I exist. It’s me that deals with these negative feelings every day and it’s exhausting.
My dorm door sprung open and my eyes darted up, Liam didn’t say anything he just walked in and fished his hands around Lola’s snack bowl.
“They’re Lola’s.” I told him as he pulled out a packet of peanut M&M’s and ripped them open.
“I know.” He said with disinterest, pocketing other delicious snacks for later.
“She’ll kill you.” I laughed.
He walked over to my bed and eyed up my assignment and all of the books I am studying. He snatched the book out of my hand and looked at the title, frowning his brows cutely. Then he flipped the book and read the blurb on the back.
“How can a book teach you about love, love can’t be learnt.” He tossed it onto Lola’s bed and gathered up my worksheets carefully, then he placed them on Lola’s bed too.
“It’s very insightful actually.” I informed him. He smirked cockily and raised one eyebrow. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet.
“You want to learn about love?” He asked and I nodded. He handed me his packet of M&M’s. “Love is sharing your M&MS.” I scoffed with amusement and rolled my eyes. He gestured for me to throw them at him. So I pulled out a red one and held it between my fingers, then I narrowed my eyes at him and threw it his way. His mouth dropped open and he dashed to the left and caught it, right in his mouth.
"Oh my god!" I screeched with excitement, throwing my hands in the air. Liam stepped closer to my body, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Love is that rush and feeling of pure excitement, only constantly. It can just creep up on you when you least expect it. Perhaps with a simple brush of your hand or it might have been something you said or maybe sometimes a certain facial expression that you pull causes it. It makes my heart race, my blood pump and adrenaline explode from within. Love makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, capable of anything. I have super strength! I can fly!"
He grabbed the M&Ms back and threw another one into the air himself, catching it in his mouth. I laughed with each one he caught, unable to remove the stupid smile from my face.
"Tell me your text book taught you more wisdom than that." He flopped down on my bed with a cocky smile stretched on his face.
"I can't." I admitted, slipping onto the bed next to him. He snaked his arm over my shoulder, keeping me close to him because these single beds were not the best at accommodating two people.
Suddenly the atmosphere between us felt different, thicker and more heated. He leaned closer to me, bringing his lips to mine. I could smell the chocolate on his breath and I couldn't help but think that my favorite flavor of M&M's would be the one mixed with the taste of Liam.
"When is Lola back?" He whispered practically into my mouth.
"Not for a while." I replied.
The feathery soft cushions of Liams lips fell onto mine and I closed my eyes, really soaking in this magical moment. But then his phone rang and we both sighed in unison. He pulled it out and furrowed his brow at the screen before answering.
"Hello?" Liam said with question, still keeping me cuddled into him.
"Yes, this is him." I fluttered my eyelashes at him and he smiled at me brightly.
Within seconds his posture changed, he took his arm away from my body and sat himself up. His eyes slowly faded to silver and my heart sank. This was it, the phone call we had been waiting for but not spoken about. I sat myself up in the bed as well and watched as Liam nodded but didn't speak as if somehow the officer on the phone was meant to see him.
"Yeah I'm still here." He said, but his voice now was thick with emotion and it was coming out a little distorted.
"I understand, thanks for calling." He hung up the phone and sat quietly, processing everything to himself.
I had a rush of negative feelings trapped within me, anxiety coursed through my veins, making everything almost painful. I just kept thinking this is bad news. I watched Liams eyelids close over the silver irises, hiding away the fear but then they would open again slowly as he blinked in the information he was just told.
"Liam?" I finally plucked up the courage to ask. He gave himself a little shake, trying to snap himself out of this trance.
"They arrested him." He said quietly. "He's pleaded guilty, to everything." He sat completely still, not moving his body or his eyes. Just breathing. Just existing. I edged myself closer to him but he cowered back so I stopped my movements.
"What happens now?" I asked delicately.
"He goes to court to get sentenced." He just sat quietly, staring into space. Absorbing everything. I don't know what I expected. Maybe him to lash out or cry or be happy, something. But he was completely blank.
"You're not reacting to this." I pointed out the obvious.
"I don't know how to react." He said. "I'm numb, I expected him to deny it." He admitted.
"He's gonna get justice for what he did, Liam." I said softy, trying to make him see the good in the situation. "How do you feel about that?" He looked at me, eyes so alive with conflicting emotions.
"Real... It feels like it's all real." He said after the longest time.