Chapter 12 Bear
Looking at him, all the painful memories flowed to my mind like a river running rapidly to the waterfalls. I tried to stop the pain brought by those memories but it was like a strong current pulling me down and my strength was not enough to fight the drift.
I remembered the day when I came home and Mrs. Langley told me that Mitch was hit trying to save Jessica and the baby. I felt like a bomb ready to explode, all I need was additional trigger. I forced myself to do necessary things. I was preparing our stuff for the hospital when I saw the pregnancy test in my bags. I used all five of them, I dumped them in a bin.
I drove to the hospital and my heart was painfully compressed like something crushed on it when I saw Jessica and Mitch in their embrace.
“Thank you for everything, I will make sure that the child will grow with love and care.” I silently left them and walked out from them without noticing me with my blank mind and I felt like I was floating in the air.
My knees were shaking and I looked for the nearest seat to rest. I felt like my mind was empty, I can’t think of anything, I only felt the pain and my brain recognized it fully.
I saw a pair of boots and when I raised my head, Jessica looking at me seriously “let’s talk” she said and I just nodded. We went to the cafeteria and occupied the table in the corner.
“I am sorry for making Mitch suffer, he was harmed because of me. I don’t know what to do. He told me to tell the truth to my parents but I did not listen to him. People has high expectations of me, you know” she grimaced.
I stared at her with my thoughts making conclusions at the scenarios she presented to me. “I apologize for misleading you last time, I decided to face the outcome of the decisions I made. I will bring the baby into this world and nurtured him. I don’t care what people will say.”
She rose from her seat and walked towards the lobby. I never said a word to her. I stayed at the cafeteria for a long time, I don’t know how much time I spent there. I walked towards Mitch private room and found Jessica’s father having heated discussion with Mitch.
“I trusted you for a long time but you dump my daughter after you knocked her up and married a rich brat. I will not let this pass, I will do everything to ruin you Mitchell” he said furiously.
Mitch looked at him with blank expression and said “please ask your daughter first sir, before you make some conclusions.” He stomped out from the room and when he saw me, he gave me fierce look and went outside.
I stared at Mitch asking him in silence but he avoided my stare. He was silent and he closed his eyes. I looked at his face and his stubble were very visible, I wanted to touch his face and cry in his chest but his behavior was implying that he wanted to be alone.
The delivery came in and I arranged it in the table. Mitch was still sleeping or just closing his eyes. I decided to rest in the sofa bed and maybe because of my condition I fell into the deep slumber.
I woke up in a bed, I remembered I slept in the sofa. I frowned when Mitch was not in his bed. I went outside looking for him when I saw him outside the operating room with Jessica’s parents. He was still wearing his hospital gown.
I asked the nurse at the nurse station what happened, she said that Jessica had an accident and there will be a big possibility that she will lose the baby.
My feet brought me to my car and I cried there silently. I went to my unit and think of how my life ended like a mess again. I stared at the ceiling with my tears running down my face. I felt the familiar feelings, a mixture of suffocation and numbness.
I bolted from my bed and decided to do the thing I did before when I felt the same thing. I ran away from the people and isolated myself from them.
He is standing in front of me, he looks haggard and he lost weight. I unconsciously touched my belly and his gaze fell on it. I saw something from his eyes for few seconds but was replaced by anger. I have a feeling that something deeper than anger was in his eyes closer to madness.
I stopped doing what I was doing and sat on the bed, I felt my knees weakened. I gathered the pillows, I let my legs rest on them while I lay on bed and closed my eyes. I copied his behavior when he was in the hospital and when I wanted to talk to him.
I wanted to take rest and escape my reality, I knew soon... Zach and Simone will try to reach me and I don’t want confrontation right now. I fell into deep thoughts and my mind took rest from my reality.
I woke up feeling refreshed. I went outside, my hunger was killing me, I wanted to eat now. I went to the kitchen and planned to eat whatever I will see that is edible and cook later.
I smelled something delicious and saw Mitch in the kitchen cooking. Pom was helping him, I am famished. I saw the sliced ripe mango and sticky rice in the dining table, I grabbed the mango and the sticky rice, I ate them alternately and in no time.
Mitch was looking at me but I avoided his gaze. Pom served with Khao Pad, the Thai version of fried rice, she added my favorite sea foods; shrimp, squid and cucumber on top.
I am still starving, the mango and sticky rice just pacified my stomach for just few minutes. I moaned at the taste of the food “you really did great on this Pom” I said without looking at her. “Your husband cooked this time” she said with her Thai accent.
I just continued eating, someone sat in front of me but my gaze was focused on my food. I know I am childish but I can’t helped it. His presence brought mixed and contrasting feelings. The emotions were fighting inside me.
My annoyance at him made me revengeful, giving him silent treatment like he did to me before. But at the same time, I miss him. I want to touch his face and hugged him. I want to smell his familiar scents.
Speaking of scents, I get back what I said about his familiar scents I craved before. I got a whiff of him when he gave me the juice and my stomach wretched. The food I ate wanted to come out, I ran into the toilet and threw all the food I ate. Someone helped me with my tangled long hair away from my face.
“Don’t... please leave, you stinks!” I said before I put my head in the toilet again.
I heard his footstep away from me. I sat on the tiled floor and turned, the door still open. Mitch was outside looking at me with something in his eyes that hard to read. I wiped the tears with the tissue and stayed in my position for few moments. I waited for my stomach to subside. I rose up from the floor and slowly walked towards the door.
Mitch immediately walked away from me, “I am hungry again” I murmured.
I don’t have morning sickness, I was just sensitive to smell of perfume and food. I went to the dining table and started eating again. Pom served another fried rice and orange juice. Mitch stayed in the living area. My unit was not big and sophisticated as my unit in Zach’s building. I decided to stay low and just enjoy the culture and the country.
“Where is the paper?” I asked him. His brows furrowed, “the divorce paper, I will sign it now” I said. I was sitting in a single sofa in his right side. He stared at me with pain in his eyes, “Is that what you want?” he said, his voice shook. I breathed deeply “then why are you here?” I asked with annoyance. It was my defense mechanism, thinking about divorce pained me. Thinking about Jessica and the their baby pained me more.
He stared at me “please let me stay in your life pepper. I want to be part of our child's life. My life was miserable when you left me. I will do anything to make you stay with me” he said with his eyes full of tears. I was surprised, I didn’t see it coming.