“I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom.”
I hear the words but I’m not even sure I actually spoke them. This is a new me, divulging in everything to this man before me. No secrets between us. We figure it out together, as scary as it is.
I see his blank face blink at me. His jaw is lax, his lips parted as he just keeps mindlessly blinking.
“W-whatdidyousay?” He mutters the sentence together like one slurred word.
“When I came home. I had the test behind my back. I lied, making you think I planned a massage.”
He continues blinking.
“And then I distracted you with sex in hopes you’d fall asleep and I could take the test in the bathroom.”
“Wait, what!?” He chuckles, shaking his head until the confusion sets in again. “You took a pregnancy test?”
“Yeah.” I squeak out.
“You th-think you might be pregnant? Like right now?” he asks, somewhat breathless.
I nod, with worried eyes.
My heart is racing. My face is numb. I think I’m going to die. I stand and start pacing at the edge of the bed, mindlessly running my hands over my face.
“Well...what did it say?” He talks to me in a cautious tone and looks at me like I’m a crazy lady holding a bomb that will explode with one wrong move.
“I don’t know. You came in. I hid it. Took it to my purse where I lied about needing aspirin. I don’t have a headache. I have no idea. It’s in my purse. I don’t know. I don’t know!”
I’m vomiting up words before him, freaking out now. I’m practically panting with how hard I’m breathing.
“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down babe.” He immediately sees the panic boiling over and stands to stop my movement. “Hey, it’s alright. Just breathe.”
I take a few deep breaths as he studies my face, forcing me to look at him.
“I didn’t-I don’t know if I am. I just-”
I take another deep breath as he pulls me into his chest, breathing with me.
“Sorry, I am a few days late, felt a little funny. Wanted to check before I told you because if it wasn’t I didn’t want to scare you, freak you out, especially if you don’t want kids right now, you said soon, but that’s not now, and it might be now, and we’re not even married. And maybe you don’t even want that and I don’t want you to think I’m trapping you and I don’t want your money Tor, I don’t-”
“Scarlett!” He interrupts me with a stern tone.
My eyes snap back up to his. They are the most beautiful calming blue eyes I’ve ever seen. His serious face cracks with a softness to it as a grin forms.
“Calm down, everything is fine, everything is going to be fine, sweetheart. You’re killing yourself with stress.” He chuckles endearingly at my rambling.
He places his hands on my shoulders, rubbing softly.
“Okay, so you’re late, felt funny, and wanted to take a test. That’s good,” he reassures me, making me feel better about my choices.
“Yeah, so it’s in my purse. I don’t know if I am or not.” I throw an elbow over my shoulder at my bag.
“Alright,” he begins calmly. “Well, shall we go take a look?”
He’s looking at me with raised brows, rubbing clearly testing the waters of my freakout ocean.
My face distorts. I want to know but there’s just such a nice phase of ignorance. I like not knowing because then I can pretend it’s not real yet if it is.
He places his hands on both sides of my neck, rubbing his thumbs along my jaw. “Hey, I love you. Either way, everything’s going to be fine. I promise you.”
He slowly bends down, placing a kiss on my parted lips. The instant they touch mine I feel my heart slow. Pulling back, he places his forehead against mine and gives me a little smile. I smile back, sighing out the last of my freakout.
“Okay, let’s go look.” I say, looking at him with nervousness pouring out of my being.
Toren walks to the closet and grabs my purse, bringing it back to the bed. We both sit down with it between us.
“Everything is going to be fine,” he says again calmly.
I take in a breath, lick my suddenly dry lips and nod in silence.
He looks from me to the purse, then back at me again. “So, do you wanna-”
“Nope. I can’t.” I answer quickly.
“Alright, I’ll look first.”
He reached into my purse, fumbling around for a bit.
Listen, I’m an artist, I’m not organized. He’s probably hit one chinese menu, an old straw, a pack of gum, and three random receipts by now.
He holds something making a funny face, then pulls out my vibrator.
“Do you really still use this?” he asks with concern.
“Oh my god.” I laugh, embarrassed by the discovery.
“Because if I’m not doing my part, you gotta let me know.” He places his hand to his chest in all seriousness. “I’m gonna need to step my game up. I can’t go on knowing I don’t please you. Maybe we should try some new things? Roleplay? Maybe some BDSM? I could tie you up?”
“Tor, now you’re rambling.” I chuckle. “And for the record, I haven’t used that in a long time. Thor keeps me more than satisfied, clearly...look at what we’re doing, ya knucklehead!”
He wrinkles his nose playfully at me. “Just making sure.”
Ugh. His ability to bring me back to calm is unreal. Who knew I’d need a nerdy sex god to balance me out? He’s beyond the perfect match for me.
“But yes to the BDSM.” I add for good measure.
He cocks a brow giving me a twisted grin.
“Jesus, just find the damn stick already!”
He laughs then shuffles through a few more items until he grabs it in his hand. He looks at it then looks at me as I wait with my hands over my mouth.
His face is totally blank. There’s no reaction. He’s totally unreadable.
“I’m sorry, I have no idea what I’m looking at,” he says.
“Duh, of course.”
Poor guy has never seen these before.
He hands me the stick, studying me for the answer to the one test he can’t solve on his own.
I look at the tiny window and see a slash, but it’s not the slash I was anticipating.
It’s a strange feeling. As completely freaked out as I was, I feel slightly deflated now. I feel let down. I actually feel sad. It’s negative. I’m not pregnant.
I swallow and look at him, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I give a light shrug and shake my head.
His hopeful eyes drop a little, but then he looks endearingly at me again.
“Aww, baby come here.”
He moves the purse to the side and slides forward on the bed, wrapping his arms around me into a comforting embrace.
“This is exactly why I didn’t even want to tell you.” I whisper, wiping a pesky loose tear that’s decided to form.
For what? Why am I crying?
The tears start dropping like a leaky faucet. “I guess I really am. Is that strange?”
“Not at all. I’m glad this happened,” he says, pulling back at arms length and wiping the tear away. “Now we both know what you really want.”
I sit there with the idea. It’s true. I now know what I really want. I can barely believe it myself. A small part of me wanted to be pregnant.
“I’m so embarrassed.” I groan, leaning into him, sniffling while wiping my eyes.
“Don’t be. I wanted it too.” He smiles his sexy half grin.
“You’re ready for that? I thought maybe you wanted to wait. Explore the world? Live your life?”
He narrows his eyes at me like I’m crazy.
“Nah. Living to me is having a life with you. Doesn’t matter where we are, what we’re doing. As long as we’re doing it together.”
“So you would’ve been fine if I was?”
“Pshh! You kidding me? I’ve been waiting to get you knocked up.” He jokes. “But yes, in all honesty, the thought of you being pregnant with a little mini me, or better yet, a mini you, just thrills me. Trust me, I want that. And I want it with you.”
“You do?” The tears are flowing freely now.
“Of course I do. I love you more than anything.”
“I love you too.”
He pulls me in for a sweet kiss, brushing my hair back and holding my head in his hands.
I sniffle a bit, pulling back. “I’m a mess.”
He chuckles. “Here, let me get you a tissue.”
Walking to the bathroom, he heads to get me some Kleenex. He stalls in there for a bit. I wonder how all of this news is hitting him. Maybe he’s upset? Maybe he’s relieved? What’s going on in that head of his in the bathroom? He finally reappears with a weird look on his face.
He looks confused.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, curious about his sudden change in demeanor.
He walks towards me with the tissues in his hand but his eyes look at the bed. He finds the stick that’s now laying face down and flips it over, studying it.
“Scar.” His voice drags cautiously. “It’s positive.”
My stomach drops as the air leaves the room.
“What?” I grab the test from his hands, looking at it again as if it’ll suddenly make sense.
“See that slash? That’s the test, this line is the control. It’s positive. I checked the box in the bathroom.” His eyes snap up to mine, mirroring disbelief.
Jesus Christ, of course I’d be the one to misread the damn test. Holy shit. Wait, holy shit.
“I’m pregnant?” I ask him, my heart doing that crazy startup again. “But I’m on a five year plan!?”
“When was the last time you went in to the doctor?”
“Like fi-” I close my eyes, putting a hand to my head. “Five years ago.”
His face holds a humorous grin.
“Scar. We’re having a baby.” His eyes widen in disbelief along with his smile.
“Oh my god.” I peak at him through the fingers laced across my face.
“You’re pregnant!” He practically yells, grabbing the sides of his face with his hands.
“Oh shit.” I stare at him, my chest rising and falling again.
He sees me on the verge of the panic attack again and quickly comes to my side.
“Come here.” He hops back towards the headboard, then pulls me between his legs, my back against his chest. He wraps his arms around him, warming me and calming me simultaneously. We sit for a moment, collectively thinking.
“How are you processing this?” he asks softly, running fingers along my forearms.
“I don’t think I am yet.” My eyes dart all over the room.
I’m going to be a mom!?
His hands run down my arms, then find my sides before slowly making their way to the spot just below my stomach.
“Baby, you’re having our baby,” he says softly against the side of my head.
I place my hands over top of his as we sit in silence for a moment, holding that little life growing inside me. The feeling is unreal. My heart swells at the idea that our crazy love formed something so small, so effortlessly perfect already.
I’m truly so happy. I’m so full of love. Toren and I are going to be connected forever through this.
I lean to the side a bit to turn and face him. He’s just sitting there with a huge smile on his face. He’s so overjoyed. I smile back at him, biting my lip.
“God, you’re gonna be the hottest dad ever.” I smirk.
“Dad.” He repeats the word, smiling with the most adorable, cheerful look about him. “I’m going to be a dad.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted this with anyone else.” I reach up and touch his cheek with my hand.
“I’m so happy it’s you.” He touches my lips with his thumb then presses his lips against mine for a sweet, lingering kiss.
We just gaze at each other, wearing our smiles for what feels like forever and a fraction of a second all at the same time. There’s a nervousness, an excitement, a disbelief brewing between us with this little secret of ours.
We’re having a baby.