After my meeting with Adam, I started to feel a new type of excitement deep within me that I haven’t felt in awhile. I was feeling a surge of energy that had so recently and suddenly left my body after Ryder’s passing.
Day after day of crying and feeling broken, useless, and at fault for the events that took place were slowly becoming less and less. At least I think they were. I missed him, there’s no denying that. But I have to do something with this hurt that’s festering. So I planned to.
I had found a way to use my pain, and the reminders of the traumatic history I had. I was channeling that emotion into my artwork, but not for nothing.
With Adam’s help, I was secretly putting together a special charity event at one of the Rasputin Center’s ballrooms.
I was going to paint abstract pieces that encapsulated the pain and confusion of my personal experiences to exemplify the trauma that victims of abusers carry with them throughout their lives, long after that abuser is gone.
I was painting over my past. Each brush stroke I’d create would put another layer over the hurt, another color to fill the suffering, another stroke to cover the trauma of what I’d endured.
I was ready to be freed of it all.
Adam was working on getting preparations for the event itself and the auctioned pieces would benefit Toren’s charity entirely. All proceeds would go directly to Happily Home. With the recent celebrity-like status of my brand, I knew that I was in the perfect position to bring a lot of attention and money to an amazing cause so close to my heart.
Toren informed me that the place he looked at recently was a huge space adequate for at least ten families. I was thrilled. He’d eagerly jumped on board to purchase and renovate the home for his cause, so other families had a safe place to turn. A safe place to call home.
“So then I told Mr. Donahue that we’d meet with an inspector and go over what we need taken care of with our contractor and get papers signed as soon as possible.” he says, licking marinara from his upper lip. “So we’re going to start that next week.”
“Tor, that’s amazing baby.” I reply, taking a bite off the fork he’s holding out in front of me. “And this is bomb.”
I talk with my mouth full, enjoying the delicious spaghetti Toren picked up for us from the Italian joint down the street. He wanted to break me in to Italy with food from one of his favorite “italian-style” restaurants.
We had planned to have a nice dinner yet somehow ended up eating on the floor of the living room off of the coffee table. Me in nothing but his oversized tshirt and him in nothing but sweatpants. We were getting a little too comfortable around each other.
“Can I tell you something?” He stalls, setting the fork down after my bite and cocking his head to the side, eyeing my fat face of food.
“Yeusshh.” I manage to say, slurping up another noodle.
“Back before you, when I was screwing around, being stupid..I was always turned on by girls who were trying to impress me.” he begins.
My eyes narrow and brow furrows as I swallow.
“The perfectly placed hair, the tight, fit body, the proper mannerisms...”
“Yeah, okay. I don’t think I like where this is going.”
“Well, what I never realized is that all that crap would fade so fast. What turns me on now is the shit that probably shouldn’t.” he says, looking confused.
“Okay, what the hell are you talking about?!” I giggle.
“I love seeing you eat, for example. I like when you don’t realize you have sauce dripping down your chin, when my shirt becomes stained with pasta sauce from me feeding you...I love the messy shit with you. It turns me on in an unimaginable way.” His voice is so calm when talking. “Like I see you with a mouth full of noodles, I want to stick my dick in you. Is that weird?”
I can’t help but laugh at his seriousness.
“Babe...” I begin, taking a napkin at my chin and the sauce on Toren’s t-shirt that I've stained while wearing with a chuckle, “...I think that just means you’re in love.”
“Well, I know that, but, you’re quirky little weird shit turns me on. Like the way you fold your clothes, for example.”
“What’s wrong with the way I fold my clothes?!” I scoff playfully.
“You do this thing, I’ve watched you. When you’re folding and you don’t get the clothes to bend the way you want the first time, you get frustrated and just roll it up and shove it in the dresser. Something about that makes me want to fuck you. Hard.” His lip curls into a mischievous grin as he moves the plates out from between us.
I can’t help stifle the laugh inside me anymore. “You’re a weirdo.”
He stalks forward, removing everything between us until I’m on my back on the floor of the living room with his large, shirtless frame closing in on me.
“A weirdo?” he cocks a brow with a smirk teasing his lip.
I lick my lips, my eyes growing heavy with a sudden urge to devour this man above me. His arms flex while holding himself, as I run my fingers down his soft, broad chest, his hair falling a bit into his eyes. I open my legs for him as he slides between them, holding himself on his elbows now, looking dangerously down at me.
It feels good to be back in this place again. Light-hearted fun. Something I never thought I’d see again. Something I didn’t think I deserved any more. The emotions come back to me briefly as I quickly blink them away.
I reach my hand up and tousle his hair. “You need a haircut, mister.”
He nods up into my hand then kisses the side of my forearm. “I need other things first.”
He leans down, pressing his forehead against mine with his lips parted, a silent plea coming from his wanting eyes.
I love that he needs my body just as badly as I need his. When we’re together it’s inevitable that we’ll connect. The immense and profound desire to be completely immersed into one another is a feeling that will never fade.
He presses himself into me and I can feel his hunger. His lips find my neck and I release a breathy moan at the sensation.
“Mmm, I need to taste you.” he moans into the crook of my neck.
He props himself up, my eyes following his as they trail down my body. His hands slowly run up my exposed thighs, to find my underwear up and under his large shirt. Fingers link through them and start sliding them down. I lift my hips to accommodate him in his mission.
He throws the underwear, then scoots down, settling himself between my legs. Licking with his long flat tongue, he trails up my inner thigh, then does the same thing along the other. I throw my head back against the large fluffy rug beneath me.
He breathes his hot air over my sensitive sex, waiting for the sensation of his tongue on me.
“Fucking perfect.” I hear his groan.
With my knees slightly bent and his stomach on the floor, his head dips down, as he blows on me lightly.
“Uh, Toren, please...” I beg, fisting his hair between my fingers and urging his head down.
A chuckle escapes him before I feel the warmth of his tongue on me.
“Oh fuck.” I moan, arching into him.
He works his magic on me, licking the length of me, then settling on the bundle of nerves that are just aching for his tongue. He lightly sucks my clit while applying the perfect amount of pressure that has my breathing increasing and my heart rate soaring. He slowly begins inserting a finger into me.
“Tor.” I gasp, shooting up onto my elbows.
The feeling is overwhelming in the best way. He never lets up the pressure of his tongue on me while his finger slowly pumps away inside me. I watch him as his eyes flash up to mine, his lips slowly lapping and his tongue graciously licking me while those dangerous eyes watch my parted mouth.
“Baby, I can’t...I’m gonna...” I whisper as he continues his sweet torture.
The pressure is building within me and I feel the familiar tingle aching through my spine. He removes his finger and licks lower, pressing his tongue into me.
“Oh my God.” I moan, falling back against the floor, crying out to the ceiling.
I press my hips up, urging his tongue deeper into me while his other hand slides up under his shirt, finding my breast. A few soft flicks of his thumb across my achingly, hard nipple and I lose all control. I spasm, his tongue inside me as I cry out with my eyes closed tightly.
I shudder through the orgasm, my breathing out of control as my chest expands and contracts.
Before I can open my eyes, his lips are all over me, licking up my juices and carrying them across my lower abdomen, up my stomach, kissing his way between my breasts, then capturing a nipple between his lips.
“God, your body...” I barely hear him whisper as he continues trailing his mouth.
He’s devouring me, every inch, and I’m numb enough to let him do whatever he wants. His lips find my parted ones and his tongue slides through instantly massaging mine. I taste myself on him and get a tingling sensation deep in my stomach again.
He rolls himself to his side, dragging me up with him. His face holds an urgency, a primal need. His brows are drawn together in the sexiest way as his jaw is tightened, showing his restraint. It’s evident by his hardness pressed into me how badly he needs me.
He peels his sweats down enough to release himself with a throaty groan. Lifting my leg over his hip, he reaches down, gliding his erection along my soaking wet folds. “Fuck. Dripping for me.”
“I’m so in love with you.”
The words slip out in my post orgasmic bliss following his. His crystal blue eyes look deeply into mine, his pupils fully dilated as he pushes the head of his cock into me.
"Fuck, I love you."
“Oh...” I moan as he wraps a hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place.
He releases a deep, throaty groan with his mouth parted open as he slides deeper into me with the ease of my wetness coating him. After easing into me, I finally stretch around him and he holds himself as deep as he can fit.
“Right where I need to be. Deep in you.” he says against my lips before kissing me roughly.
Rolling onto his back he repositions me on him, placing my thighs around him. Impaled by his rock of an erection, I moan at the fullness of the new angle, as he pulls his shirt up and over my head, leaving me completely naked, spread above him.
“Scar.” he hisses, his hands trailing up my thighs, around to my ass where he roughly grabs me, lifting me slightly.
I slowly start sliding up and down his length as he eyes my body, watching everything with intent as his tongue darts out to lick his lips.
Everything about him right now is insatiably erotic. He’s so turned on by me that it’s palpable in the way he can barely take anymore.
With his dick deep inside me, I roll my hips, grinding into him as I lean back. I reach around and cup his balls, gently rolling them in my hand as I continue the motions with my hips. With two fingers I apply a light pressure beneath the area.
“Oh fuck. Don’t.” he cries out, screwing his eyes closed.
I don’t listen and keep doing it until he reaches up, grabbing my arms and pulling me down on top of him. His warm stomach and chest against mine. He wraps a hand around the back of my neck again, the other around my lower back and begins lifting his hips to forcefully push into me.
“I. Told you.” he grunts with each thrust, his lip curling up.
“Don’t. Do. That.” he continues driving harder into me.
I’m at his mercy, pinned to him as he spreads me apart with his hardening cock.
Oh he really liked that.
A mischievous grin slides across my face, knowing I have the power to destroy this man in the best way.
I push off of him with my palms against his pecks, leaning back again and reaching around to feel where we connect.
“Don’t do what?” I question, “This?”
I continue rolling my hips, sliding up and down the length of him before cupping his balls again, massaging them and then applying a light pressure to the space beneath them.
His legs part while he makes a pained face. “Ah, shit!”He can barely take the sensation.“I think you love it.” I moan.
I drop my ass hard on him, fucking him how he deserves to be fucked, while doing things that drive him insane. Touching him where he’s never been touched.
He grabs my waist abruptly, and slams himself into me again and again and again. “I said no!”
“Tor- baby, let me-”
“You’re so fucking naughty.” he interrupts before spanking my ass firmly with his right hand.
Gripping into the flesh just below my hip with one hand, he gets on his heels, lifting his hips off the floor to meet mine with vigor. He grabs a fistful of my hair as he begins fucking into me harder than he ever has.
He’s a mad man now and I’ve created this beast who’s new goal is to ravish me.
“Tell me you love this.” he growls.
I moan some obscenities.
He pulls my hair back further exposing more of my chest to him as he continues driving into me. “Tell me.”
“Oh, I love it.” I can barely form the words as I begin to clench down onto him, squeezing his cock within my walls as I begin to orgasm around him.
“Fuck, baby, I’m gone.”
A few more hard pumps into me and his legs drop straight as he begins to shudder, filling me with his thick cum.
I collapse onto him as the sensations course through me. The orgasm fizzles out and a new emotion takes over. A sickening one.
He gently begins running his hands over my back. His chest, now glistening from tiny drops of sweat, is rising and falling and I’m riding along with it.
“Whatever you just did to me was wild, like fucking wild.” he says breathlessly with a cute, hearty chuckle.
His state of mind is post orgasmic bliss. He’s happy, giddy, and playful. Whereas I am not.
I keep my cheek against his chest, unable to look at him. I can’t.
I don’t want him to see me.
I can’t look at him because he can’t see me cry.